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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I haven't slept a wink for the past four days. I have this kind of lingering feeling of sickness that I can only about detect, I also feel very weak. Every night I go on my laptop and just watch YouTube videos until about 6am. Then at 6am I'll go downstairs and get food. Before I know it it's the next day.

I've been getting increasingly stressed about university. I'm not there at the moment, but the first year was horrible. I think I have SA. I struggled to make friends, I never spoke to anyone in my classes. I'm used to being alone (I had a very lonesome childhood) so interacting with others socially just doesn't come natural to me.

The thing is. Every time someone does show an interest in me, either romantically, or they just want to hang out. I have a mild panic attack. A couple of weeks into the holiday someone from uni text me asking me if I wanted to come and hang out around where he lived with some of his friends. Even though I quite like him as a friend I panicked and haven't responded. I haven't even opened the text in fear it might say 'text opened' or something on his phone.

A girl who seems to be interested in me has text me as well, which is horrific. I know nothing about girls, so this was in some way worse than my friend. She wanted to know how I was doing, innocent enough but it again terrified me. I have nothing to do, and just constantly dread the sound of my phone going off. Fearing someone else might text me at any moment, wanting to talk to me.

I can't stand Facebook either, for the same reason, I haven't checked it for months. I do know that the people in my house who lived with me for the first year have been chatting to each other and hanging out. I know they'll be questioning me when I get back. The excuse I'm going to use is that my internet went down because something went wrong with the cables running up my street.

I think I'm developing some weird case of Body Dysmorphic disorder too. I keep looking in the mirror thinking I'm ugly, and that my body is out of proportion. I'll get quite depressed. Then suddenly a second glance will show me looking perfect and give me a little confidence boost. It's like there are two me's in the mirror and they keep taunting me.

I keep feeling like I want to nod off and go to sleep but then something wakes me back up. It's like the bloody film Machinist with Christian Bale. My memory is getting worse as well, I don't know why. I find myself writing to do lists to remind myself of things, then I completely forget I wrote a to do list so fail to check it. I write on my hands as well but often forget what I meant by some of the things I wrote down. My life is evolving into some kind of hell.

Does anyone know what is happening to me? How do I snap out of this?
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