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I didn't really know which other forum to put this in so I just started it here.

I have thought up a new term to describe how I feel about and react to women. Its not shy as in too shy to talk to girls, but more like ball shy. Ball shy is when you play sports and you've been hit with the ball so many times you develop this instinctual fear of the ball, and when it flys at you, instead of jumping into action you jump out of the way. This is NOT just someone being a sissy, this is a natural reaction by your body and mind which you must retrain yourself to remedy.

I am "girl shy." :afr When I look at women, I see untrustworthy, materialistic, uncaring, manipulative, lascivious, even vicious creatures who use their femminity to get what they want with no regard for anyone's feelings. I fear and cannot trust women- I try to steer clear of them generally.

I feel this way because basically all of my past GFs have treat me like total ****, and I don't mean the girls I was with for like 2 months, I mean the ones I was with for years.

I can't help feeling like this. Its like I feel all woman are evil or something. I can't even really be friends with a girl IRL, I can't trust her, I feel like shes just using me for something or will hurt me or manipulate me somehow. There is no way I could date a girl at this point. I just couldn't stop thinking about her as some uncaring vicious person just using me for the moment ready to toss me away if I displease her in any way.

I know its psychological because the triggers for feeling like this are all things that are feminine: perfumes, girls with long hair (so thats 99% of them) female voices even. I am so much more suspecting of females over the phone than males, like they can't be trusted.

Don't get me wrong, I love being with girls, I've always usually been less shy (SA kind of shy) around them, have had good friends that were women, and loved my GFs. I have never tried to hurt a girl emotionally (although we all hurt our loved ones sometimes out of weakness) and would never ever hurt a girl physically. But this thing has like taken over me, and I can't seem to understand it or attack it.

So am I basically right in feeling this way? Are most girls basically like this? Or am I just "girl shy?" I keep telling myself I just need to meet the right girl, but how do I know she won't hurt me in the end?

How do you suggest I go about changing my views on women and stop feeling like this? Has anyone else gone through this or had feelings like this for either women or men?
 

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So am I basically right in feeling this way? Are most girls basically like this? Or am I just "girl shy?" I keep telling myself I just need to meet the right girl, but how do I know she won't hurt me in the end?
Hey dax,

First off, as to whether most girls are untrustworthy, materialistic, uncaring, manipulative, lascivious (lustful), even vicious creatures I would say yes - but only if we guys are too - because the criteria one would have to apply to women in order to make them all this way, would result in all men being that way too - perhaps even more so. I don't see most women this way, perhaps they are, but I don't see them as such. So, in my opinion, take it or leave it: we're all this way or only some are; it really depends on your standards.

Second, there is absolutely no way you can know whether a girl will hurt you - the only thing you can do is allow yourself to be hurt which is something, from what I can tell, you're not allowing. This advice isn't coming from someone who doesn't deal with women, but from someone who has been hurt , divorced, cheated on, and outright mistreated on occasion - but the end result was I came out a bit better each time, learned some, and grew up a lot and have a lot of experience to pull from in order to make myself a better person. I have been with a lot of women - some deep relationships, some very shallow - but the end result is always one thing: knowledge.

There is something I'm noticing as I watch people in relationships, and that's they try too hard to make something right instead of just letting it be. I was talking to a friend the other night who really wanted to sleep with a girl we had met at a bar and he was extremely nervous about being arond her - everytime he would have a chance to talk with her he would clam up. I told him it was because he was trying too hard and his response was like "well, no ****". I kind of restarted the conversation with him and said, "No, you misunderstand. Your problem is that you've used your imagination and put too much on the line here - you're telling yourself if you fail at this you have lost something. Instead, try getting to know her first, ask questions and see where it goes - don't demand whats on the other side of the door, just open it." By the end of the evening he got her number.

The point is that I believe getting hurt is very much one in the same - people say that they absolutely cannot get hurt, and if they do that it's the end of the world and that they're no damn good because of it - but that's just wrong. There will be a lot of crap you put up with for being around the dating scene, but that's life. As to whether it's worth it I have no idea - that's up to you to decide as that's a totally personal decision.
 

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Re: I'm "girl shy." How do I change my views on wo

dax said:
I am "girl shy." :afr When I look at women, I see untrustworthy, materialistic, uncaring, manipulative, lascivious, even vicious creatures who use their femminity to get what they want with no regard for anyone's feelings. I fear and cannot trust women- I try to steer clear of them generally.

So am I basically right in feeling this way? Are most girls basically like this? Or am I just "girl shy?" I keep telling myself I just need to meet the right girl, but how do I know she won't hurt me in the end?
Wow, your ex-girlfriends really did a number on you. I'm really sorry you went through all that. I don't really have any advice. I just wanted to say that I don't think most girls are that way. Some are, but not all. And you can never know who's going to hurt you, or how they're going to do it. It's hard to learn to trust again after you've been hurt the way you have. But hopefully someday you'll be able to, so you don't miss out on something great.
 

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I feel similar sometimes , nowhere to such an intense degree as you do , but I tend to have a negative view of a lot of women for the most part . Maybe it's just insecurity about our own value that does this , but I almost always expect the worst from women and I think I will never be able to have another relationship again if I can't change this way of thinking.
 

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When I look at women, I see untrustworthy, materialistic, uncaring, manipulative, lascivious, even vicious creatures who use their femminity to get what they want with no regard for anyone's feelings. I fear and cannot trust women- I try to steer clear of them generally.
So do I. They seem to be like that, unfortunately. Part of the reason why I'm much more comfortable around other guys.
 

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One thing I've noticed in my life is that women lie a lot. On the other hand men lie just as much. The difference I've noticed is that women are not as good at lying as men. I'd take the women because at least you can tell when they are lying. :lol :hide
 

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Re: I'm "girl shy." How do I change my views on wo

AnxiousAmelia said:
How do you suggest I go about changing my views on women and stop feeling like this?
Try seeing each woman as an individual and a human being first, and female second.
:agree
 

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I was very good friends with this girl once.. and i had no problems opening up to her and talking to her. But things turned sour and she treated me like crap and had no respect for me. Now i have a trouble around girls, im afraid of investing all the emotion/energy only to get hurt.

I dont think ill ever forgive her for what she did, and i guess i still cary some hurt feelings and that shows as me being stand off-ish towards the opposite sex. :(
 

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Ball shy is when you play sports and you've been hit with the ball so many times you develop this instinctual fear of the ball, and when it flys at you, instead of jumping into action you jump out of the way. This is NOT just someone being a sissy, this is a natural reaction by your body and mind which you must retrain yourself to remedy.
This is sort of the reaction I have when I'm around women. I've had so many bad experiences with people in my life I instinctively avoid any opportunities with girls out of fear because I've been hurt so much in the past. I don't feel bitter or angry toward women though. In my case I think I feel unworthy of anyone because of my low self esteem so I don't really beleive anyone could find me desireable. I wouldn't go so far as to say I hate myself, I just have alot of trouble seeing any good qualities that women would like about me because I'm so used to being put down and rejected.
 

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I've never had a good male rolemodel in my life and as a result I've grown an intense hatred for men. I can't help it. (Oddly enough, all of my good online friends are male :p)

I refuse to go to male psychiatrists, doctors, etc. and if I have a choice I'll even choose the check-out line being run by a female. I absolutely hate it when I make a call and a guy answers the phone.

I've known guys that aren't "evil" but I still keep this hatred around me. I guess it's a way of self-preservation.

The thing to keep in mind is that it's not just women that suck, it's the entire human race. ;)

Seriously though, not all women are like that. Just like all men aren't lying manipulative selfish testosterone driven idiots. :)
 

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Try seeing each woman as an individual and a human being first, and female second.
The solution to all the world's problems! Our perceptions are all about bias and framing. Try doing some thought experiments on your own (in a journal or just in your head) where you're a woman (WY) talking to a hypothetical man you (MY). What are WY's thoughts, feelings, motivations, actions, words and how are those perceived by MY?

Also, I recommend you read "The Terrible Bargain We Have Regretfully Struck" (just google that phrase). This should be required reading for, well, everyone.
 
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