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25 yr old from vancouver, no friends, never had a gf, never had sex
any friends I make they find out soon that Im weird and never talk to me again. when I was 12 there was this girl I liked in class and she liked me but I dropped an atomic bomb on that one when I sent her creepy love letters in her locker. then made creepy phone calls and emails to her (cause I didnt know how else to approach her), and she tracked me down on the street and told me to "get lost"

I went on a depression from 1999-2002 thinking about that girl and why I ****ed it up as badly as I did. I went into witchcraft when I was 13 trying to cash spells to get her back. then I started to be normal again by the time I was 15 and made some friends. then my dad moved me to edmonton with different schools, now I had no friends again. and I was the only asian guy in most classes and so I felt nobody wanted to be my friend. I had no friends throughout high school.

2004 I graduated from HS and wanted to come back to vancouver where Im from, I dreamt up for 2 years that I was gonna go back to vancouver go to college and have a normal life. for some reason I mentally broke down when I came back to vancouver. I just wanted to die I didnt wanna go to school, I just wanted to die.. that was it. downward spiral from 2004-present. just downward spiral... down to rock bottom. dropped out of college 3 times, ran up my debt, now I owe 30k in student loan and credit card debts, and barely have a job.

I dont know what to do with my life at this point. I have failed so badly that I feel I just want to start over. I keep thinking about 1999 and how that maybe if I could go back I'd make things different. I'd act different around that girl and I could make things right. I obsess over that period of my life, the songs I listened to etc

I need some kind of help but dont even know where to start. I feel like Ive burned every bridge and tied thousands of dead end knots that I can never redo. hopeless, very depressed, lost, scared... I look up the facebook of people, former classmates, and how they all went on to do things in life and then I compare myself. I want to not exist and spare my family the shame
 

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Hey Bob, welcome to :sas
 

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This reminds me sooo much of myself, writing weird letters (as well as behaving weirdly in general), halfheartedly dabbling in magic and New Age woo woo to get what I want, and wanting to go back in time to make things right as well. Malignant nostalgia has got a grip on me big time. Oh, and I have wanted to die in the past and make people feel guilty, but lately I want to hang around. I think there needs to be asylums and halfway houses for SA sufferers so they can escape for awhile from the daily horrors of dealing with reality.
 

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Don't Worry About:What Your Family Thinks.What your previous classmates think. What that stupid girl must have thought. What you could have been(you are who you are). The past in general. What anyone thinks.

Seriously though maybe you should get out of Vancouver. If you can in anyway. And seriously please don't compare yourself to others. They're all losers anyway :sus who also compare themselves to other people.
 

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Sounds like you have some problems...I have majors problems as well...It's a very sad & depressing life I have...Death is on the back of my mind all the time...I hear of other so called good people dying...And I wonder why I'm still here...I wouldn't wish this curse of mine on anybody...It's not freaking fair...I'm a big weirdo...I've been in mental hospitals b/c of trying to kill myself...If it wasn't bad enough growing up & to be looked on like a freak, but to go to a mental hospital & knowing others are talking about you...It freaking drives me up a wall...I need to get out of this town...I can understand your pain...Don't lose all hope, keep on moving on :)
 

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Welcome, FlyingDonkey! :)
 

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Become a transient post apocoyptic gypsy time traveller, or save up some money and go get yourself some tail boy!


Yeeeehoooo!!.
 
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