I've been on Wellbutrin for over 4 years straight (a few months ago, it switched to the generic version since my drug coverage changed). It was prescribed to me in a hospital for major depression when nothing else was working. After like 2 months of not being able to even get out of bed, I started to show improvement, and I eventually came out of it.
Wellburin was the drug I happened to be on at the time, but to be honest I'm not sure it actually has done anything or is doing anything now. I try to look back on the last 4 years, but I just see complete emptiness. It's like my life was so vacuous that it added up to exactly nothing. It scares me to think that it's 2009, because I just don't know where the time went or what I even did (I'll give you a hint, that's because I did nothing).
I constantly feel dead inside and I don't really feel emotions. I'm terribly apathetic and don't have the drive to do anything. I've lost interest in a lot of things, yet my mind is still sharp and I am still able to accomplish things if I force myself (this is a change from past episodes of depression in my life where it would become difficult to think and I couldn't make the simplest of decisions). I've heard this state called dysthymia (a constant low-level depression). I don't know what it is, but it doesn't feel like I'm really living.
Part of me thinks that the meds are sucking the life out of me, killing my emotions, and making me apathetic. It is something I have heard before from others, that they feel "flat" emotionally while on antidepressants. I feel like that too, to put it mildly, and have for a long time.
I've made the decision that I want to come off the meds, just for my own knowledge. I want to see what I feel like without them, and if it is any different. I've scheduled an appointment with my phsyciatrist (who is truly good for nothing aside from dispensing meds). I've mentioned my feelings on this subject to him in the past, and he's like, "No, Wellbutrin doesn't make your emotions flat... if anything, it's a stimulant that gets you neurotransmitters firing correctly."
That's a nice little theory, but since he's never been on the meds himself, I'm not sure how he can say this. The whole business of psychopharmacology is mostly guesswork and experimentation... Yes, they know that certain chemicals in the brain are increased (i.e. serotonin, dopamine, etc.), but science does not 100% understands what these chemicals do and what the effect of raising their levels has on the overall functioning of the brain.
I look at it this way. If the meds are doing nothing for me and I stop taking them, then I don't need to be on them. If they are in fact killing my emotions and drive then coming off them would be the best thing I could do. Finally, if they are actually helping me (which I still consider a possibility) and my mental state starts devolving when I come off them, I have no qualms about going back on them. So what is the harm in trying to come off them?
I obviously want to taper off as gradually as possible, and hope to get the help of my doctor to do this. I would hope he would cooperate and perscribe the lower dosage that I need to do this (I can't simply cut the pills I have in half or quarters because they are time release and it would kill their effect and likely cause bad withdrawal).
What do you all think about my idea of coming off the meds?
Wellburin was the drug I happened to be on at the time, but to be honest I'm not sure it actually has done anything or is doing anything now. I try to look back on the last 4 years, but I just see complete emptiness. It's like my life was so vacuous that it added up to exactly nothing. It scares me to think that it's 2009, because I just don't know where the time went or what I even did (I'll give you a hint, that's because I did nothing).
I constantly feel dead inside and I don't really feel emotions. I'm terribly apathetic and don't have the drive to do anything. I've lost interest in a lot of things, yet my mind is still sharp and I am still able to accomplish things if I force myself (this is a change from past episodes of depression in my life where it would become difficult to think and I couldn't make the simplest of decisions). I've heard this state called dysthymia (a constant low-level depression). I don't know what it is, but it doesn't feel like I'm really living.
Part of me thinks that the meds are sucking the life out of me, killing my emotions, and making me apathetic. It is something I have heard before from others, that they feel "flat" emotionally while on antidepressants. I feel like that too, to put it mildly, and have for a long time.
I've made the decision that I want to come off the meds, just for my own knowledge. I want to see what I feel like without them, and if it is any different. I've scheduled an appointment with my phsyciatrist (who is truly good for nothing aside from dispensing meds). I've mentioned my feelings on this subject to him in the past, and he's like, "No, Wellbutrin doesn't make your emotions flat... if anything, it's a stimulant that gets you neurotransmitters firing correctly."
That's a nice little theory, but since he's never been on the meds himself, I'm not sure how he can say this. The whole business of psychopharmacology is mostly guesswork and experimentation... Yes, they know that certain chemicals in the brain are increased (i.e. serotonin, dopamine, etc.), but science does not 100% understands what these chemicals do and what the effect of raising their levels has on the overall functioning of the brain.
I look at it this way. If the meds are doing nothing for me and I stop taking them, then I don't need to be on them. If they are in fact killing my emotions and drive then coming off them would be the best thing I could do. Finally, if they are actually helping me (which I still consider a possibility) and my mental state starts devolving when I come off them, I have no qualms about going back on them. So what is the harm in trying to come off them?
I obviously want to taper off as gradually as possible, and hope to get the help of my doctor to do this. I would hope he would cooperate and perscribe the lower dosage that I need to do this (I can't simply cut the pills I have in half or quarters because they are time release and it would kill their effect and likely cause bad withdrawal).
What do you all think about my idea of coming off the meds?