[anxiousdude]

I just don't get the point of my life anymore. I like people and I wanna find a girlfriend, but at the same time I hate talking with people. It's so uncomfortable. I'm bad with eye contact, I never know what to say and most conversations I just wanna get out of ASAP. Conversation is more like a chore for me than something I can gain from. Even when my parents are talking to me, I feel awkward. It's like I worry about every stupid thing. Kind of wears me out and totally ruins my social life. To make things worse, today I serviced an account, for my job, at a local sports bar and I ran into a girl working there who was definitely my type. This happens to me every once in a while and it just bums me out. I've tried everything and the bottom line is I'm socially awkward. There is no fix and I'm stuck. I can't get a makeover or buy new clothes and solve my problem. The more I try to overcome my fears, the more I feel awkward. I spent 6 months trying to face my fear of eye contact. I forced myself to look people in the eyes, but this made me hate socializing even more.Really, what's the point? How can you live a full life when you can't communicate with people. I feel like I'm just waiting to die and there's no hope.

 

[Just Lurking]

Ditto to all of that.

I have no idea how to get past this. I'm all right with "hi, how are ya"... but after that I've got nothing. People see my weakness in conversation, realize I'm awkward to be around, and want nothing to do with me. It's been this way all my life. I've had one close friend in my lifetime, and that was back in elementary school. I had no one in high school and have had no one since.

I too am even awkward around my parents.. How the hell am I supposed to form and keep relationships with other people when I can't even manage my PARENTS?

How can you get through life like this? The situation is so ridiculous it's almost funny. I have no answers for you, just more questions.

We should be studied.

 

[scaredtolive]

I"m not that bad with one on one conversation but you add just one other person to the mix and I freak out. Ideally I'd like to have only a handful of friends. All of which I hang out with on a one to one basis.

 

[tutliputli]

Ditto to all of that.

I have no idea how to get past this. I'm all right with "hi, how are ya"... but after that I've got nothing. People see my weakness in conversation, realize I'm awkward to be around, and want nothing to do with me. It's been this way all my life. I've had one close friend in my lifetime, and that was back in elementary school. I had no one in high school and have had no one since.

I too am even awkward around my parents.. How the hell am I supposed to form and keep relationships with other people when I can't even manage my PARENTS?

How can you get through life like this? The situation is so ridiculous it's almost funny. I have no answers for you, just more questions.

We should be studied.

Me too. I ask myself these things everyday. It gets pretty depressing I think I would be fine if I could be on MDMA the whole time

 

[Pathetic]

Well I am not bad with converstations in group or one on one. I am jsut bad in conversations with girls, I feel realy anxious, but when I get used to a person I can talk really well to him. And I really want to form a serious relationship, because I really have alot of things to talk about. I usually don't talk lots of stuff with others, but with someone really clsoe to me I would like to talk about everything.

 

[jim695]

That is the 64,000 dollar question with people like us with SA. How do you carry on with life and live a reasonably normal life when just talking to people freaks you out. I have endured that to varying degrees all my life and it has affected my jobs, my social life, and my mental health. How do you live? How do you work and be with people? It is a horrible curse. I know from many years of pain.

 

[ddog98]

Sometimes it just happens out of nowhere... I met my wife (first and only girl I ever dated) through a summer job between my junior and senior years of college (first job I ever had) and felt like a loser talking to her as usual, but somehow it quickly turned into a relationship and we were married within a year. She was not a social butterfly either so that obviously helped me, but sometimes wonderful, life-changing things happen when you least expect them. I'm still not even close to happy with the way I am, but I don't know where I'd be right now if I hadn't found her.

 

[shyvr6]

I think you'll know you found the right one when you're past the point of constant anxiety and she/he is still talking to you.

 

[Aron James]

I feel awkward a lot of the time but i do not allow this to put me off. Once i can relax into the conversation and break the anxiety barrier, things run smoothly.

I believe it's learning to stay in that situation even if it feels uncomfortable. Again, the more a person focuses on how unbearable it is, the more it will be attracted to them like a magnet.

If you intend a conversation with others to go well and say, 'i will enjoy this no matter what' then usually you will SEE that actually things go pretty well. But when you intend to see awkwardness and another person thinking you are a freak, then thats exactly what you will see.

I'm not saying it's easy, on the contrary, but being aware of what you create in your mind allows you to take control of anxiety and rid yourself of it. Why do people continue to create anxiety for themselves? Who else creates it? Is it given to us by others? No, of course not.

We can create a world without anxiety, in our self, if we are aware of the huge power we give to others making us anxious. Other people have NO power whatsoever to make us anxious, they are given power from us.

I have observed that when i refuse to let other people make me anxious, others stop making me anxious because in my mind i am creating strength, self belief that believes only i myself have the power to affect my emotions.

Aron

 

[jblazer]

Good post Aron James, someone actually responded with an answer in one of these threads besides moaning about their own personal issues.

 

[shyvr6]

besides moaning about their own personal issues.

:roll

 

[SVIIC]

I"m not that bad with one on one conversation but you add just one other person to the mix and I freak out. Ideally I'd like to have only a handful of friends. All of which I hang out with on a one to one basis.

Hmm... ya, you make a good point there.

For example: I did manage to have a bit of a conversation with someone in my class recently for quite a few minutes I think. I was a bit nervous but it went ok. Then some other guys came over and it all went a bit ****.

Suddenly I feel like the outsider and I don't fit into the whole situation because I don't know anything about what's going on. Blargh.

 

[jblazer]

:roll

You know it's true. :yes

 

[Everlong 91]

I ask myself the same thing everyday. But havent you guys had those ''normal dayz" when you have no anxiety or very little?? when I have those days theyre really cool and happy. Everything just happens so naturally and smoothe when talknig to people.. So all we need to do is overcome SA and everything will come naturally. SA keeps me from being myself...

 

[Just Lurking]

You know it's true. :yes

You do realize you're just coming off as an ***.

Feel free to hit the door if you don't like what you see here.

 

[rumjungle]

I wish I had the answer or a simple solution...

Whlie I don't have a problem with conversations (I tend to be okay at small talk/bs'ing) I just have a problem establishing long term relationships. I don't know if its that I'm too aloof and people are aversed to me. And I don't know how to make the jump from acquaintance to friend. Sometimes I don't know if I care and most of the time I'm quite happy to live in my own little bubble. It only gets me down when I realise I have no one I can open up with and fall on. I have a few friends from highschool/childhood still but I don't feel like I can rely on them or burden them with closeness.

 

[likeOlikeH]

Yeah. i def. feel you on this one.
I meet people who would be great to pursue a relationship with (they're into me, I like them) but I can never get past the initial bout of SA to try and approach them in that way. It's really impeding me since at my age, I want to have as many friendships and romantic relationships as other people my age do, but the social awkwardness precludes me from even trying.

 

[Canadian Brotha]

I feel similar in that even when I'm not anxious I still retain some awkardness with others including family. I think like anything coming to terms with it as a fact is the first step, then working on it bit by bit. That's all I've got as a solution & it's what I'm trying but it's going to be a slow process for me

 

[Phobiker]

Klaus Kinski said: "I don't want to be lonely - and craving for loneliness, when I'm not alone."

I know that feeling very well. Fortunately I have some people I can relax around.

 

[Jerzy007]

Good post Aron James, someone actually responded with an answer in one of these threads besides moaning about their own personal issues.

True That Money!!