Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,524 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay this is weird but for me I have little troubles or inhibitions around strangers. I think it's because I know that whatever happens I have nothing to lose. I also have a natural ability just to talk so initiating conversation is not a problem. However I get really nervous when I feel like something is on the line.


Such as making that first call to set up a date. I make all these excuses in my head and eventually talk myself out of calling her. I would say out of every 5 phone numbers I get I only follow up on one. Sometimes I run into these girls again later and it gets horribly awkward. I come up with some excuse but I know that they know I blew them off. What is a good way of explaining this and better yet a good way to talk myself back into calling them?
 

·
(O_o)
Joined
·
168 Posts
yea I find the small talk and getting the phone numbers easier than what comes next....the actual date. Too many expectations and "protoccol" to follow... It only takes one bad date for me to second think myself everytime I pick up the phone...

I guess one thing you can do is try to gauge how well you connect with the girl with your initial contact (when you were getting her number) then tell yourself that shes a cool gal and the date would go great.

btw you didn't really explain what you were anxious/antsy about? are you anxious about the phone/texting part, or the actual date?

anyways the bottom line is, she likes you enough to give you her number, so shes giving you a chance, good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
252 Posts
Okay this is weird but for me I have little troubles or inhibitions around strangers. I think it's because I know that whatever happens I have nothing to lose. I also have a natural ability just to talk so initiating conversation is not a problem. However I get really nervous when I feel like something is on the line.

Such as making that first call to set up a date. I make all these excuses in my head and eventually talk myself out of calling her. I would say out of every 5 phone numbers I get I only follow up on one. Sometimes I run into these girls again later and it gets horribly awkward. I come up with some excuse but I know that they know I blew them off. What is a good way of explaining this and better yet a good way to talk myself back into calling them?
If I do give my number out I'll ignore calls even if I liked the person. I'll text occasionally but generally blow people off because of nerves/anxiety.

And finally someone on this site feels the same way as me. I'd rather be with a bunch of strangers, than go to social gathering with acquaintances and people who's faces are familiar.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,524 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
yea I find the small talk and getting the phone numbers easier than what comes next....the actual date. Too many expectations and "protoccol" to follow... It only takes one bad date for me to second think myself everytime I pick up the phone...

I guess one thing you can do is try to gauge how well you connect with the girl with your initial contact (when you were getting her number) then tell yourself that shes a cool gal and the date would go great.

btw you didn't really explain what you were anxious/antsy about? are you anxious about the phone/texting part, or the actual date?

anyways the bottom line is, she likes you enough to give you her number, so shes giving you a chance, good luck!
I am more antsy about the actual call itself. For me communicating over the phone is really difficult for some reason. I just can't figure out what to say. Face to face things get much easier for me. Words just come out of my mouth. But over the phone I am too preoccupied with other thoughts to actually say anything.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,524 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
If I do give my number out I'll ignore calls even if I liked the person. I'll text occasionally but generally blow people off because of nerves/anxiety.

And finally someone on this site feels the same way as me. I'd rather be with a bunch of strangers, than go to social gathering with acquaintances and people who's faces are familiar.
That's so depressing. But I understand completely. Sometimes I rather just admire from a distance than actually call her back.
 

·
(O_o)
Joined
·
168 Posts
oh you are the opposite of me, I find being on the phone much easier because I can just look around the room trying to think of things to say and not worry about them thinking I'm weird for having wandering eyes. Also those awkward silences never go so well in face to face situations for me, however on the phone NO PROBLEM I don't see their face at all!

but that didn't help you out did it? so I'm going to tag out and let someone chime in. but what I can say is, my calls usually turn out like this

me: Hey do you remember me, the guy from 'whereever you met her' I was just calling to see if you were free sometime for a 'whatever you want to do'

her: no I don't remember you. bye. (technically for you it turns out better than this and a date is setup and your good to go, no need for small talk)

are these girls that you meet for the first time or have you built a kind of friend relationship already?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,524 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Just people I run into occasionally. After chatting for a few times naturally you exchange numbers and say that we should hang out sometime and so forth. I guess I just suck at following up. Seeing someone's face makes it easier to talk because you have all these visual cues and reactions. Even if we do manage to go out, I feel hesitant to call back and set up another date. If I break through the 2-3 date limit everything gets fine though. Personally I feel more comfortable at a bar hitting on drunk chicks than on a first date. First dates are nerve racking.
 

·
(O_o)
Joined
·
168 Posts
I think I know what you mean, I'd rather deal with people I don't know because then I don't really have to follow up or contact them again, I would just move on. Could this be some sort of abandonment issue? are you scared of going out with the same girl and her leaving because she thinks your 'fill in the blank'? but I guess if you could break the 2-3 dates and feel confortable then I am not sure you have this issue. I'm guessing you just overthink the situation too much and just need extra time to warm up to her.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,524 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I think I know what you mean, I'd rather deal with people I don't know because then I don't really have to follow up or contact them again, I would just move on.
Something like that. I enjoy talking with people within the circumstances and location where I see them. So I like talking with my coworkers at work but I really don't want to hang out with them outside of it. Same with people at the gym or the soccer club I play for, etc. I want to breakthrough and make real friends but it's hard.
 

·
(O_o)
Joined
·
168 Posts
this is the same as me, I can make friends playing at school but don't necessarily want to hang with them outside of school, or friends that i meet specifically at the gym, but never outside of it.

this is a big problem for me also because of work and future references. when I was in school I use to work during the summers but each summer would be a different job which was ok for me but I would have to contact my previous employer to get a reference for the new employer, which is so hard for me.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,524 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
this is the same as me, I can make friends playing at school but don't necessarily want to hang with them outside of school, or friends that i meet specifically at the gym, but never outside of it.

this is a big problem for me also because of work and future references. when I was in school I use to work during the summers but each summer would be a different job which was ok for me but I would have to contact my previous employer to get a reference for the new employer, which is so hard for me.
I think we have an issue of compartmentalizing our lives. I wish there was a way to avoid this.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,524 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
well subconsciously (or now consciously) I don't want people at work to know about my personal life and vice versa. I guess maybe I am ashamed my life isn't as glamourous as others would have thought it would be.
Interesting. I think this applies to me as well. It's tiring living double or triple lives. Pretending to be well adjusted and happy. I don't know how others do it.
 

·
Dancing on my own
Joined
·
1,665 Posts
Do you take any medication for anxiety? If I had anxiety all the time in the background I would probably self medicate.
Yes, I have professionally prescribed medication I take every day. I'm kind of a dweller, though, so that doesn't help me not think about these types of things haha
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,524 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Yes, I have professionally prescribed medication I take every day. I'm kind of a dweller, though, so that doesn't help me not think about these types of things haha
I used to be a dweller but lately I've stopped. I have been sleeping less and less lately so by the time I hit the bed I just go to sleep. Before I would just lie in bed and think about all the mistakes I've made in the past for hours.
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top