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PreciousGleamingMcNugget
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Okay, so we all know how we worry about what people will think if we do/say/look something. But has anyone ever been comforted by thinking, "If I saw someone doing the same thing, would I think anything of it, or even notice?" It's really helped me.

I see people doing kinda weird or awkward looking stuff all the time, but I never give it more than a few seconds of notice or think anything negative about them.

On top of that, people with SA can tend to be more attentive to other people's actions/words/body language, so if even we don't pay attention, you know the normals aren't.
 

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Exactly. I always try to tell myself that if I can't remember 99% of the things I see people do every day the day after, then they won't for me either.
 

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that is a really good way of thinking! I've tried it too, but sadly it didn't help me too much (though I think it will probably help most!) My rational side would tell me "honestly, how many people are really going to notice you?" and that would help for a while. then my anxiety would take over, and it was back to the drawing board...
 

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It helped me greatly yesterday in a waiting room. I got really nervous at first but started to think, honestly is anyone in here really going to judge me? If they are judging me why should i care? I'm not likely ever going to see these people again and they are probably more tied up in their own worlds to even to much notice of me anyways. It really helped and i calmed down considerably.
 

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I find the opposite is true. I dont expect people to judge me or be unsupportive or rude yet they often are.
I second that. I tend to be overly-laidback and understanding towards other people, and I especially feel empathetic towards people who seem shy. meanwhile, i notice people, MOST of the time, are way snottier and more judgmental than me. So this doesn't work.
 

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This is my experience: I give unconditional positive regard and receive unconditional negative regard about 7/10ths of the time in return. People use my race, gender, my speaking or lack thereof, and numerous other factors against me when they are not busy ignoring me.

All of this change yourself stuff begins with the presupposition that nothing is wrong with society and the individual experiencing racism, sexism, and other ethnocentristic forms of negative judgement must just be imagining such things. I find this is a fundamental disagreement I have with those people based on my experience. For years I blamed myself and tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I wished I could change my thoughts, my race, my gender, and everything about myself. One day I woke up and realized there wasn't anything wrong with me, but there was something wrong with people who tried to degrade me and that those people have always been and always will be the problem, not me.

Although it hasn't been any help, I often remind myself:
  • Being shy is not BAD, uninformed people just believe it is based on stereotypes
  • Being a white male is not bad, people just believe it is based on stereotypes and examples of people I have never met and have nothing to do with.
  • Being supportive is good, I am very supportive by default.
So really there is no reason for people not to like me other than I don't look or sound like the people television tells them are admirable. The people who are rude or do not conduct themselves in a civil fashion are being horses rears and no that's not a mistaken belief that's just the way it is.
 

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It's good thinking and can work a lot of the time.
Like, if I'm in line, I'll think "Those people are in line and no one is staring at them or thinking they're weird for standing there, so there is probably no one staring or thinking about me."

There are times it doesn't work, but when it does work, it makes things so much easier. My mind is free of all the worry and anxiety, even if only for a little while.
 

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I try, but so far unsuccessful :(
 

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On top of that, people with SA can tend to be more attentive to other people's actions/words/body language, so if even we don't pay attention, you know the normals aren't.
This is so true - and something I try to remind myself of. People who are socially anxious are hypersensitive to their surroundings. It can be a gift! For me, it sometimes means that I pick up on things others don't - such as when people are lying / getting upset / feeling awkward - which is a great social skill. But, it's also a curse. Noticing everything leads to mind-reading. But of course, we project our own hyper-sensitivity onto others when we're reading what they might be thinking.

I am going to start meditation so I'm in a state of inner peace more of the time - that way, I hope my sensitivity to my surroundings will become more of a gift than a curse.
 

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Very true. I witnessed some guy being awkward yesterday and I only reflected on it later because I was thinking about how forgettable moments like that really are... even though I remembered. But to anyone else though I mean, they wouldn't have given it much thought.
 
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