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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone :)
I'm here to ask for your advice on how to get over social anxiety. How should I change my life right now? What should I be doing with my weeks? That includes my diet, hobbies, herbal remedies I take, books I read, hypnosis recordings etc.
Anything you can offer.

Here's some background about me:
-I'm 17. I'm still in school. I get up and get ready at about 7 am every day, and get home by 4 pm. I do that monday to friday. I then have weekends completely free, with nothing to do. I also have my mon-fri free after I get home at 4pm.
-I have no friends at all. The only people I ever talk to are my parents, my dogs and an older sister. I've suffered quite a bit of insecurity around people since a very young age. I've never been comfortable with other people. However, when I started high school, it got out of hand and I stopped talking to people, and lost all the friends I'd had before, leaving me with none. So from the ages of 12-17, I've basically gone to school and come home, and done little else. Complete waste of my youth.
-I'm not poor. I live with parents, and they are in professional careers, so earn lots of money. I probably have slightly above average money coming to me, for a middle class child. This means I get decent amounts of pocket money (which I've saved for last few years, giving me quite a sum), and my parents will buy me the things they approve of (books, membership of clubs, things which will help me with my school studies, lessons in a musical instrument or classes in any subject which interests me e.g. foreign language)
-There's nothing weird about how I look (people are actually pretty positive about it, and it doesn't seem to put people off making an effort to talk to me), and I don't have any problems apart from shyness. I'm not sure if my problems extend to social anxiety, given the description on here. I can happily give a presentation to a large group of people, if there's no humour, and I'm told exactly what to say, because that doesn't show my personality. It's showing personality I'm insecure about, since personality is something that can be judged. It seems that when I'm around people I don't know, I switch off, and go into defence mode, in which I stay as boring as possible. I don't feel uncomfortable when doing this, I answer questions one word style, and make no effort to show interest in the other person. THing is though, I'm not a freak underneath the shyness. When I hear others my age talking, I feel like I can really connect with their humour etc, and can even come up with things to say that I know they would approve of/find funny. I was popular back when I spoke, but I jsut can't bring myself to speak now.
 

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unashamed perv
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Hi there,

I think a lot of SA people get that feeling, that they're "not a freak under the shyness." I just want to let out the "real me," that likeable person that the avoidant me keeps buried.

As for what you should do, well I'm not a shrink, but: why don't you work on doing things that you find difficult, like speaking to people? Just take baby steps, don't try to do too much too soon. If you find making eye contact scary, work on that first, just meet somebody's eye and smile. Then you could maybe say "hello" and "how are you" to a fairly non-scary person ( I find some people scarier than others, personally). Recognise when you're going onto your "defence mode," and try to speak just a little more, maybe?

Do you think your parents would be supportive if you spoke to them? or is there a teacher that you trust and could speak to? You may want to consider getting some kind of therapy, but I haven't any experience in that area.

Like I say, I'm not a professional, this is just advice from a sympathetic layperson with a similar condition. Use your own judgement, proceed with caution, and good luck!
 

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"-I'm not poor. I live with parents, and they are in professional careers, so earn lots of money. "

You should discuss this with your parents. Next you should have a few scessions with a Psychiatrist. Medication can be tricky at your age but you probably need to start.

Anxiety that affects your ability to live a normal life will not just go away because you talk to a PSYCHOTHERAPIST. That is something your psychiatrist can advise you on.

I had a professional careers and earned lots of money, and live in fear for 49 years prior to seeking help. Now with medication I function at about 80%.

Take action and do not give up.
 

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Hey newuserhere :wel
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Hi everyone :)
Firstly, thanks so much for all your advice and friendly replies. This forum is far nicer than many that I've been on recently.

Also, I have a few questions and it'd be really helpful if you gave me some help:
-that 20 cd course you linked to, how much does it cost? does it really cost $350?-that was the impression I got from a review...
-My days are completely free from 4pm every evening to the time I go to bed, and I have saturday and sunday completely free. Bearing this in mind, could you give me guidance on how to live in a way which will help to rid me of shyness? So I mean what food I should add to my diet/stick to, what herbal remedies I should take, what hobbies I should take up, should I get a part time job and if so where etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I'll condense the last post if it helps:
what do I do with my spare time (4pm-bed time every day, sat and sun completely free) to get over shyness? How do I change my diet to get over shyness? Would you recommend a particular herbal remedy?
 

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I'll condense the last post if it helps:
what do I do with my spare time (4pm-bed time every day, sat and sun completely free) to get over shyness? How do I change my diet to get over shyness? Would you recommend a particular herbal remedy?
Your path to overcoming what you feel is shyness or social anxiety is going to be different than anyone else here. It's something you are going to have to find yourself or with the guidance of a therapist who is intimately familar with your situation. CBT can help with that. ACT as well.

Yes, Dr. Richard's CBT program is $350 dollars, but I believe it will help anyone with social anxiety tremendously who is willing to make the daily commitment and be persistent.
 

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Welcome!

As someone in his early thirties I can at least give you the advice to start early. Since you've just posted here, that is a very good sign!

Being a teenager is especially hard on someone with SA, as people of that age are a lot more into showing off their (soclal) status, which is especially hard if you're at the bottom of the ladder. But don't worry, at least that bit will wear off, and you get more choices with whom you want to hang around.

I don't have a ready answer for you, but the good news is, that at your age, taking action to battle SA (and having the insight!) is a great step. I don't think though that it's about what specific hobbies you take up, or what food you eat. It's about confronting your fears in tiny steps. Although getting help may have a negative stigma, it turns out to be far more common than most people dare to admit. So my advice would be: get it! If anything, a specialist knows much better how to effectively overcome your fears. As mentioned above, cognitive behavioral therapy is a popular choice. I don't know if a self-help book/cd set will help you personally, that depends on a per-person basis. Some prefer it because nobody will be 'watching' you, while others need someone to monitor them because they lack the discipline. It's certainly worth a shot if you have the cash. What better way to spend it than on a long time investment into yourself?
 

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blessed with lucky sevens
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get drunk or high in your room by yourself and pretend everyone outside is jumping around in madness. that keeps me alive.
LOL, that's what I do minus the getting high part. Thing is, this is a very bad approach to dealing with your problems.
Do what we do if you want to die young and ****.

Ideally, I'd be exercising each day (preferably a physical hobby), eating a vegetarian diet, no alcohol or drugs.
 

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Welcome, NewUserHere !:)
 
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