Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,015 Posts
Hey, just following up with my reply from your other thread (sucked it got spammed).

Went through similar situations before, and yes it's absolutely devastating. It hurts more when you like the girl and think something could have happened (like your situation). These situations have always sent me into depression. Takes time to get over it, even if it feels like this feeling won't ever pass. Therapy will help, Lexapro helped control my obsessive thoughts, but it really did take time. Time ends with everything.

But really lol, I know sometimes it's hard to do, but you had several of us telling you to let it go cause it only gets worse. But I understand cause I probably wouldn't have listened back then also.

Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
703 Posts
Brother, this is the story of my life, it has happend way to much I'm now conditioned to think everything will go wrong and they usually do. I know I shouldn't think everything will **** up nite its hard not to when everything does always **** up. I blame myself mostly because I'm sure its my falt everytime even though It's also their falt. I know what you mean about people saying to "just move on" like its that simple, here you spent this time getting to know this girl, make a connection and now its over. It hurts its not something you can just get over, iv had lots of people tell me that and it pisses me off. I **** up so many time gotten nearly every girl I try and be close to, to hate me. I don't know what it is I guess I'm just a natural born **** up. Don't worry man I understand this, feel free to talk with me about it anytime. Alot of people especially here find me to negative and just give me **** or just don't care what I have to say, save for a few good friend's, so its nice to have someone who understands to talk with.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
12,909 Posts
Xande is right. Take it from someone who got called a creep by his crush who was possibly the prettiest girl in his school. Dwelling on one girl is unhealthy and not worth it. Don't talk to this girl again, even if she approaches you. From your previous threads it sounds like this girl is ****ing crazy and you probably shouldn't be dealing with her. I know it's hard but you just have to get her off your mind. It took me months to get over this girl but I finally did so recently.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
12,909 Posts
Are you in HS or College?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
12,909 Posts
College. I commute, will not ever dorm lol. Transferred, from a dorming college will never dorm again, very stressful especially, if I would have had drama with a person, I would have to see them everyday or deal with roommates. Plus the college was madly expensive. The one I am in I like better, is close to my house, and cost 1/4 price and was named one of the best colleges in the state.

Sorry for the long lol but yeah, I am in college
If you're in college, you probably don't have to worry about it spreading to every girl in the school, even if she does tell her friends...if you were in HS you would probably would have been screwed. Espcially if you went to my school. If something happened before classes started, 80% of the school would know before 3rd period. By 8th period you'd be a lost cause. The only people who wouldn't know by then were the dorky/loner kids that don't really know anyone. (Me)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
703 Posts
Yeah I saw the thread about what happend, sorry about that. It's sounds to me that you have gotten a lot closer with her then I have gotten with anyone. It seems that even when thing's seem to be goin right (which is usually only an illusion) I end up doin something wrong. The few times where i was able to actually go back apologize and explain my actions, I just made things worst. I am sure, from my experiences that I am not a preson people wanna talk with, mostly from people saying that they don't enjoy speaking to me and saying they don't enjoy talking/knowing me, I try my best but its never good enough. Eventually they just never speak to me again. They don't wanna know me anymore. It's good that it hasn't happend to you as much as its happend to me. When it always happens everytime, it effects you and diminishes your ability to try and maintain friendship/relationships. You have put my experiences in these situations into words perfectly "she went from being awesome and liking me, to hating me, and wanting nothing to do with me". It's a painful experience, one I can't handle anymore.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,522 Posts
first off all you didn't do anything wrong , she had to updated you about the guy at that moment because that wasn't planned , its normal to go do a checkup.
second , i think you ended up in her "FRIEND ZONE" instead of boyfriend material.
hope you didn't express(secrets) yourself to the fullest to her.

just let i go, ITS HERE FAULT when she realizes it she'll talk to you. but do you still want to have something with her know you know how she is. i mean you have some dignity too and she is not the only one able to connect with you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,091 Posts
"she went from being awesome and liking me, to hating me, and wanting nothing to do with me".

That is just insane and makes me so angry.

I would like to recommend the book: "Instant Influence: How to Get Anyone to Do Anything--Fast" by Michael Pantalon. It's a scientifically proven, easily learned method for interpersonal problems large and small that can be implemented in as little as 7 minutes.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,407 Posts
Maybe you should focus on yourself and liking yourself instead of expecting other people to do it for you. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with someone who wasn't interested in me. And I wouldn't hate them for it either, I would just ignore them and assume they have poor taste. Some people can be friendly and come off very well and sometimes guys interpret that as romantic interest but the girl is just being friendly. I've had situations where I was friendly and chatty with a guy and he assumed this meant that I would date him but I was just being friendly. It's best to be friendly and kind to people but to not necessarily expect anything in return. And if the person stops being friendly with you and wants to avoid you it's best to let them be and assume it was never meant to be in the first place. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
703 Posts
"she went from being awesome and liking me, to hating me, and wanting nothing to do with me".

That is just insane and makes me so angry.

I would like to recommend the book: "Instant Influence: How to Get Anyone to Do Anything--Fast" by Michael Pantalon. It's a scientifically proven, easily learned method for interpersonal problems large and small that can be implemented in as little as 7 minutes.
I read that book a few times, not a bad book, didn't help me but was good to look at.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,015 Posts
Maybe you should focus on yourself and liking yourself instead of expecting other people to do it for you. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with someone who wasn't interested in me.
It's best to be friendly and kind to people but to not necessarily expect anything in return. And if the person stops being friendly with you and wants to avoid you it's best to let them be and assume it was never meant to be in the first place. Good luck!
Yup, some very good points. I know I need to improve my confidence and self-esteem and like myself first before someone else does, but definitely easier said than done.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,407 Posts
Exactly as Mae West and Xande said, you have to like yourself, which I do like some aspects about myself, other parts I am completely embarrassed about compared to the rest of society especially compared to my peers and other my age. Its much easier said than done but its something I have to work on, but I need to make those accomplishments first but since the incident with this now to the conclusion *****, which might change is she is talks to me again, its still hurts since the connection I made is gone and I am gradually getting over it, but ever-time I see her such as today in the hallway, my stomach dropped and I felt at screaming you heartless *****. But of course I will not say that lol
I'm happy you are realizing this issue may be more about you than the girl you are talking about. It's not so hard to learn to like yourself more. Many people who like themselves are simply less self critical than many people with SA (no matter how unsuccessful they are). It's also important to not take the blame for everything bad that happens to you socially (just because you're the one with SA). A lot of times people will treat us with disrespect just because they think they can get away with it. This means the person is insecure and trying to put other people down in order to bring themselves up. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person's insecurity.
I used to idealize people when I was younger and now I'm happy to realize that I was being unrealistic and focusing on the wrong person. I'm happier now than I ever was when I was idealizing and I realize the only validation I'm looking for is my own. It may take a while but I'm sure you'll get to the point where another person's opinion of view matters less than your own.;)
 

·
INTP
Joined
·
192 Posts
Sounds like you are stalking her. If she walks the other way and says absolutely nothing to you, not even a courtesy "hi" back then this girl DOES NOT want to talk to you.

In this case, no does mean no and if you continue to pursue her, this girl will either call the cops or find her brother/bf to beat you up.

Seriously man, plenty of fish in the sea.

Update: Read your whole story...wow man. Just think it is all for the best because even if you dated this girl, she would wrap you completely around your finger...I mean completely. That whole apologizing thing...that was a test, she kept pressing you and pressing you and you kept apologizing and apologizing....I thought I sucked with women. =) No, but really u shoulda joked around and laughed at her etc... yikes.

Its like you just got down on your knees and bowed to her...don't do it, she's not worth it.
 

·
Gone, Never Coming Back
Joined
·
4,863 Posts
I'm not sure I have any kind of advice, but I guess I have a similar story to share, which happened nearly two years ago. I'll tell you that and tell you how I learned to deal with it.

I met this girl in high school in 12th grade. Back then, I had huge problems relating to and communicating with other people. We became friends eventually, though. She started to get more comfortable with me and began to share some very personal things about herself. I liked her just as a friend at first, but I ended up falling for her. I'm not even sure why I did. She just seemed different and unique.

She e-mailed me and said she had something to tell me and that she could only tell me in person. I didn't want to get my hopes up because I figured it would be the last thing I wanted to hear, and sure enough, she told me she started going out with this other guy. That guy was a jerk off, naturally. That's when I told her I liked her and she just said sorry. I was so upset. She basically wasted my day for that. Our friendship after that became strained. I tried my best to remain her friend, but she made it difficult. I ended up saying a bunch of things I wish I never said. I had to get away from her for a while. When I tried to talk to her again, she essentially told me that our friendship was over. This was December of 2009.

We ended up meeting accidentally a couple of times. I went to audition for a play and she just so happened to be there. Funny thing is that I knew she would be there. She tried to talk to me, I wasn't all that responsive. The next day we showed up to audition again, she asked me if she had to fill out another form. I didn't respond. She asked me again and I just shook my head. I didn't talk to her at all. To be perfectly honest, I was pissed at her, not only for not trying to communicate that she wasn't happy with my behaviour and expecting me to just figure it out, but also for manipulating me. I know for a fact that she told me she was going out with that guy on purpose just to hurt me. I know because she told me that she suspected that I liked her. She wouldn't have sent me an e-mail saying that there was something she wanted to tell me if she didn't think it would hurt me. She even claimed she was a sadist.

I haven't seen her since, and to be honest, I'm glad I haven't. I've learned that if people are completely unwilling to hear us out when there is a conflict, then it's their problem, not ours. I've largely gotten over it, but still think about it sometimes. I don't talk about her with others, though. I want her out of my life. I think I'm a lot happier without her than I am with her. I haven't read your other thread. All I can say is that it might sting for a few weeks, months, a couple years, maybe even for your entire life. But trust me, as you go on and on in life, it stings less and less to the point where you can barely even feel it. Sometimes I still find my mind wandering to times when I was a little kid and might have hurt someone accidentally and I might wish I could have done something about it. But I quickly realize that it was several years ago and this person has likely forgotten I ever existed, so there's no point in ruminating about it.

I guess all I can say is just stay away from her. If she wants to talk, she will contact you. If not, then there's not a whole lot you can do except get on with your life. I understand what it's like to lose a friend and feel alone, but somethings just can't be helped. My ex-friend has likely forgotten about my existence, and if that is the case, then I'm glad she has.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
I have been in the exact same position before, only I didn't see her walking away with the guy, he came up and started to make out with her just as I was about to ask her out. She broke away laughing and introduced me to her boyfriend. What hurt more was the fact that when I first met her I immediately thought she was out of my league and wrote her off of girlfriend material. She ended up becoming my friend, and she seemed to give me signals that she was interested, she would put her hand on my arm lightly, she told me she liked tall blonde guys (both me and her at the time BF were), etc. I ended up drunk texting her the entire story, and she has had nothing to do with me since. I doubt anything will change no matter how much time you give her. As hard as it is you need to just let go of this, you can't hold this on yourself.
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top