I think molestation caused my SA

6368 Views 24 Replies 18 Participants Last post by medea, Jul 14, 2006

LeoKt

Discussion Starter · Oct 9, 2005

It was my uncle, it was repeated, and i was around 8 or 9 or so.

I think that the shame I have felt growing up, and the fact that my parents kept silent about the whole thing even though they knew, reinforcing a feeling of shame and silence, may not have helped. I wasn't able to be proud of who I was, and the anxiety issues I have are closely related to feeling powerless and not able to be who I am. I always felt somehow different from my peers but could never put my finger on it. Just recently I am beginning to realize how deeply the molestation really did affect me, and it doesn't seem a far stretch to say my problems relating to people could have to do with the damage done to my psyche during my formative years. I have gone through a lot of weird mental crap lately as I began to realize these things...

But on the upside, my anxiety has been getting a lot better, at least so far as I have a lot more courage now and I can deal with people easier. On the downside my old problems have been replaced with other problems, and I often have been feeling like I am losing my mind. But it's not as bad as feeling like I am living a half-life due to anxiety, which was how I always felt. Anyway, just thought I would share.

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Phobos

· #21 · Jun 17, 2006

Robot-Kitty said:
Thank you for the support. I was afraid to read the replies. I am happy that I was not critisized, and I am sorry that others have experienced similar things.

Awww

I can't criticize you for having been a child taken advantage of. Children are vulnerable - they don't realize themselves just how vulnerable they actually are until someone hurts them.

Hearing about child molestation and rape in general always makes me very upset and makes me want to do inhuman things to the offenders; how can they do such a thing? :mum
It also makes me gravely ashamed of being a man, so if you feel guilty about bashing men, I just want to let you know that I feel I understand (at least enough not to be able to blame you for it).

about six years ago I was on a leisure time activity course (my mom had insisted that I go on such a trip and not wanting to disappoint her, I signed up). On this trip I got to know a quiet, introverted young man (he was 30 years old and I was 20). It didn't take long to get to know him, because he suddenly confided me in his troubles: his girlfriend had committed suicide a few years earlier and he was still trying to cope with her loss and all the revelations that came out of it.
It had turned out that she had been molested by her own dad (he told me that her relationship with her dad had always seemed very strained). First her mom died, which naturally made her quite upset. But when her dad died, something went completely wrong for her and she ended up deliberately giving herself a sleeping pill overdose. Before her suicide, her boyfriend had tried in vain to comfort her. Neither he, nor I was able to really understand the full reason behind her suicide, but this story affected me deeply and made me realize that.... the crime in question is far, far worse than I can imagine.

Genuinely sorry to hear that this...atrocity has happened to you.

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kwack111

· #22 · Jun 30, 2006

all those ppl that do these horrible things. what is wrong with them?
Lately there's been a disturbing amount of busts on kid porn, and all the ppl are lawyers and dr. etc. not some tramps. there's ppl that have nice family's and everything, but i guess somewhere along the the lines
if they want to get help is there any option available? i mean is it treatable?
or is unchangeble, like someone who is gay lets
say. or is it some kind of untreatble sickness like aids?

cause if it's treatable them if someone is caught doing these horrible things they sould be sent to a rehabilitation center and forcebly be givin treatment until they're mentally stable.

or if someone thinks that he has this sickness and might do some terrible things but has the decency to control himself.

i never heard this side of the story. all i hear a whole day is how terrible the situation is and how we have to watch our kids, etc. How about trying to find a solution?

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inquisitive1973

· #23 · Jul 9, 2006

I have a friend at work who's uncle molested her when she was young - and apparently her dad knew about it to. I don't know the details - but I know she's struggled even in her late 20's. I know she was seeing a counsellor and was talking about post traumatic issues. I haven't talked to her about this subject for a long time but she seems to be happier now.

I feel sad seeing the damage that some selfish sociopathic molester can cause. I think they should face the consequences for what they've done. And those who know about it and do nothing, have some apologizies to give.

I think a logical punishment is to do the same thing to the molester. If it's an uncle, then a logical punishment would be say to take him to a prison and force him into having sex with a male inmate - and then force him to return to visit and spend time with the inmate throughout the year and on holidays - and to pretend like everything is "okay"

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lilly

· #24 · Jul 9, 2006

I have blocked out what actually happened but I was "fondled" when about 7 or 8. Also my cousin stuck his hands down my pants and talked about sex things - I told my mum but she told me to keep quiet or there'd be "trouble". This was the policy about everything - keep quiet or there'll be trouble. She felt intimidated by this elder sister of hers.
This is at least 2 different men and I felt like I did something wrong. I don't think it caused my sa though as I remember having that earlier than that.

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medea

· #25 · Jul 14, 2006

I posted a similar topic in coping about how I think incest caused my SA. The feeling different thing definitely applies to me as well, a big help is to be open about it with people in your life, otherwise they get all sorts of ideas about why you act the way you do.

I hate people I don't trust trying to hug me, HATE IT, when I submit to it just to be accepted socially it feels like being molested all over again. The passivity I suppose. I have gotten in hot water with people for refusing hugs without explaining myself, sometimes I feel like it's none of their f***ing business why I don't want to hug them. I once had someone at work tell me to hug a woman and when I said no thanks, the person grabbed me and tried to force me, when I jerked away instinctively I was told I was having an "attitude" lol. I really hate people sometimes!

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