Hope you don't mind me crashing in here robot kitty cause I completely sympathize with you since this happened to me as well when I was very young 2 incidents that I can remember I sometimes wonder if there weren't more. I totally put it away for years it's like I knew it happened but I just compartized it and wouldn't allow myself to think of it. I think this is where my S.A. started from I also was bullied at school when I was quite young. I never told anyone what happened still haven't face to face just bottled it up. A very bad way to deal with it and it's why I have such unresolved issues. I don't trust people very well esp. men and aren't comfortable with a touchy feely people even family I'm still not a hugging kissing type person. I can be emotionally distant and I think that can come off as cold but it's not that it's just a defensive mechanism protecting myself from hurt or rejection. I can't allow myself to be open to reveal all & to be judged. As you can see major major issues I got going on.
I think molestation caused my SA
It was my uncle, it was repeated, and i was around 8 or 9 or so.
I think that the shame I have felt growing up, and the fact that my parents kept silent about the whole thing even though they knew, reinforcing a feeling of shame and silence, may not have helped. I wasn't able to be proud of who I was, and the anxiety issues I have are closely related to feeling powerless and not able to be who I am. I always felt somehow different from my peers but could never put my finger on it. Just recently I am beginning to realize how deeply the molestation really did affect me, and it doesn't seem a far stretch to say my problems relating to people could have to do with the damage done to my psyche during my formative years. I have gone through a lot of weird mental crap lately as I began to realize these things...
But on the upside, my anxiety has been getting a lot better, at least so far as I have a lot more courage now and I can deal with people easier. On the downside my old problems have been replaced with other problems, and I often have been feeling like I am losing my mind. But it's not as bad as feeling like I am living a half-life due to anxiety, which was how I always felt. Anyway, just thought I would share.
I think that the shame I have felt growing up, and the fact that my parents kept silent about the whole thing even though they knew, reinforcing a feeling of shame and silence, may not have helped. I wasn't able to be proud of who I was, and the anxiety issues I have are closely related to feeling powerless and not able to be who I am. I always felt somehow different from my peers but could never put my finger on it. Just recently I am beginning to realize how deeply the molestation really did affect me, and it doesn't seem a far stretch to say my problems relating to people could have to do with the damage done to my psyche during my formative years. I have gone through a lot of weird mental crap lately as I began to realize these things...
But on the upside, my anxiety has been getting a lot better, at least so far as I have a lot more courage now and I can deal with people easier. On the downside my old problems have been replaced with other problems, and I often have been feeling like I am losing my mind. But it's not as bad as feeling like I am living a half-life due to anxiety, which was how I always felt. Anyway, just thought I would share.
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