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I think molestation caused my SA

6361 Views 24 Replies 18 Participants Last post by  medea
It was my uncle, it was repeated, and i was around 8 or 9 or so.

I think that the shame I have felt growing up, and the fact that my parents kept silent about the whole thing even though they knew, reinforcing a feeling of shame and silence, may not have helped. I wasn't able to be proud of who I was, and the anxiety issues I have are closely related to feeling powerless and not able to be who I am. I always felt somehow different from my peers but could never put my finger on it. Just recently I am beginning to realize how deeply the molestation really did affect me, and it doesn't seem a far stretch to say my problems relating to people could have to do with the damage done to my psyche during my formative years. I have gone through a lot of weird mental crap lately as I began to realize these things...

But on the upside, my anxiety has been getting a lot better, at least so far as I have a lot more courage now and I can deal with people easier. On the downside my old problems have been replaced with other problems, and I often have been feeling like I am losing my mind. But it's not as bad as feeling like I am living a half-life due to anxiety, which was how I always felt. Anyway, just thought I would share.
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I was molested when i was 9, and although it didn't go too far, it created a general mistrust of adult men. I later found out that he also molested another nieghbour girl. I never went back after that incident - but she did. And it haunts her through to this day. He was the nieghbour, and if i had told my dad - I knew he would have killed him. That same year a pervert approached me on my walk back from the tutors. He told me all about masturbation and offered to help me try it. If it hadn't been for my quick thinking, i am not sure where that situation could have led. The world is filled with some very sick people. A year later my friends best friend was raped at 10 years old walking home from school.

I think all you can do as an adult survivor is to ensure you do everthing you can to ensure this does not happen to other children. It does have a profound effect on those abused. I think abusers should be automatically be given a life sentence, since they have basically done that to thier victims. I really feel for you.

It might help to confront your uncle and tell him what he did was wrong. You could also pursue charges if you wanted. Regardless, i'd get therapy to deal with this devil and put it to rest. Your uncle ruined your innocence, but don't let him ruin the rest of you.

My thoughts and sympathies are with you.
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On another note: I think your parents failed as parents - thier first priority should be to protect thier children. Now if they knew about the situation and did nothing at the time - or since learned of it - and have anything to do with your uncle - I'd say that is a betrayal of you. I don't know how you could feel anything but anger towards the people involved.
You certainly should not feel one ioda of guilt. - you were a child - and adults are supposed to protect children - not exploit them.

I knew how strongly my parents felt about this issue - and i knew my dad had serious issues with anger. I lmay have told them if i knew that it might mean that it would prevent another child being molested - if only to prevent the same thing happening. Children often have no concept of the big picture. I thought it was me - and because of something i had done. I no longer feel that way.
You are obviously not alone in this Robot kitty - and i am sure that there are more out there that just can't deal with talking about it. I can because as i've said - it really wasn't that serious - he fondled me. I am sure any of the women offering thier support here would be glad to talk to you by here or by pm if you need to get things off your chest.
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