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I think molestation caused my SA

6370 Views 24 Replies 18 Participants Last post by  medea
It was my uncle, it was repeated, and i was around 8 or 9 or so.

I think that the shame I have felt growing up, and the fact that my parents kept silent about the whole thing even though they knew, reinforcing a feeling of shame and silence, may not have helped. I wasn't able to be proud of who I was, and the anxiety issues I have are closely related to feeling powerless and not able to be who I am. I always felt somehow different from my peers but could never put my finger on it. Just recently I am beginning to realize how deeply the molestation really did affect me, and it doesn't seem a far stretch to say my problems relating to people could have to do with the damage done to my psyche during my formative years. I have gone through a lot of weird mental crap lately as I began to realize these things...

But on the upside, my anxiety has been getting a lot better, at least so far as I have a lot more courage now and I can deal with people easier. On the downside my old problems have been replaced with other problems, and I often have been feeling like I am losing my mind. But it's not as bad as feeling like I am living a half-life due to anxiety, which was how I always felt. Anyway, just thought I would share.
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this has been my problem as well. growing up, there were alot of things that were ignored and denied. the emphasis was on keeping up appearances, not protecting the kids.

actually i don't think i'm naturally shy at all but extremely protective of myself and the ones i love. i have a very clear idea of what i want to say but my mouth doesn't co-operate around most people. i've seen how cruel and sick people can be, and my problem is that i extend that to everyone. i'm always nervous of where the bottom is with someone. i hope that there's a way to get over that and am currently seeking help.

i'm sorry to hear that you had a similar experience.
Robot-kitty - please if you do want to talk about this or just chat, whatever please feel free to pm me. Sometimes it helps having someone to relate and hear what you have to say without judgement.

Bon - Our families should go bowling, I related to EVERYTHING you've posted. I don't have children of my own, but just wanted to say that your daughter is lucky to have you. As terrible as our experiences are, we've learned to be aware of how much our decisions/actions affect people and what a gem true love and loyalty is. It's probably made you a very in-tune and loving mother.
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