I think molestation caused my SA

6361 Views 24 Replies 18 Participants Last post by medea, Jul 14, 2006

LeoKt

Discussion Starter · Oct 9, 2005

It was my uncle, it was repeated, and i was around 8 or 9 or so.

I think that the shame I have felt growing up, and the fact that my parents kept silent about the whole thing even though they knew, reinforcing a feeling of shame and silence, may not have helped. I wasn't able to be proud of who I was, and the anxiety issues I have are closely related to feeling powerless and not able to be who I am. I always felt somehow different from my peers but could never put my finger on it. Just recently I am beginning to realize how deeply the molestation really did affect me, and it doesn't seem a far stretch to say my problems relating to people could have to do with the damage done to my psyche during my formative years. I have gone through a lot of weird mental crap lately as I began to realize these things...

But on the upside, my anxiety has been getting a lot better, at least so far as I have a lot more courage now and I can deal with people easier. On the downside my old problems have been replaced with other problems, and I often have been feeling like I am losing my mind. But it's not as bad as feeling like I am living a half-life due to anxiety, which was how I always felt. Anyway, just thought I would share.

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Bon1

· #2 · Oct 9, 2005

I truly hope you're at a place in life, where you know this wasn't your fault, that you did nothing wrong, your Uncle is the party that should have the shame.
I can empathies with the feelings you must have, trust.......Being able to depend on the people you're suppose to be able to trust.........

I don't know how old you are now, if you have sought any counseling, but many times, "We" replace problems with other problems. Believe it or not, this is typical, I didn't say healthy;-)))

On a "Personal" note............I don't know what your situation is, with your family, but you, as a person, are under no obligation what's so ever to keep peace, or be nice to this Uncle............ Your only "Have to" is being nice to yourself, finding a way to deal with this to your best ability.

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Bon1

· #10 · Oct 10, 2005

I have a VERY hard time with a parent, "Suspecting" any type of abuse.........Just letting it go........... Of course we don't want people running around with unfounded accusations.......A parent should observe..........Never let something like this go, if they know, and continue to let this happen to their children........They're as guilty as the actual offender.........I have a daughter..........I can't imagine.........I would want to kill anyone that harms her, because I know the negative of human behavior, I'm a bit overly cautious when it comes to this........I trust few men (No offense meant) I'm just very cautious who I let in my life because of my daughter............ If something like this happened to her, I would always feel like I let her down, I'm the one person that's supposed to protect her.

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Bon1

· #11 · Oct 10, 2005

I received a note from a 'Friend" she wanted to know why I didn't tell my story..........I thought for a few..........Because it's done..........Most "Victims" have been blamed for the acts of others............It no longer effected me, just thoughts, then, I felt the color drain from my face...............Hands shake........

I get very defensive when it comes to a child...........I don't have sympathy for anyone that harms a child..............They're too important.........I know the Love I have for my daughter........It's so hard, to fathom a mother, father knowing something like sexual abuse is happening, and they chose to ignore it, or find a reason for it...........

I won't go before the age of ten.......My parents divorced.......My mother dated...........I would say she dated a lot...........It didn't seem like she was very..............Discriminating...........I don't know if that's the word.............From the age of 12, the men she knew.........Would try and touch me, even then, I knew it wasn't right, I knew better than to tell her..............I was raped, my Mom knew something wasn't right, but not with me...........she woke me up, very early one morning, I think trying to make me talk while I was still in a fog, wanting to know what was going on between her boyfriend and me............I was..........13.......And, she wanted to know what I did........................The man could do no wrong...........Her other boyfriend, started acting like a father figure, being kind and considerate......I found out this was another MO that idiots use..............I can't fathom, I can't believe she didn't see this........

She's been remarried (a few times)............If anyone, gives her the truth, on ANY man, they're the ones always lying..............The man, would never lie..........She's been married, I don't know how many times...........Sincerely sorry, for once I'm not intentionaly trying to bash men. You would just think a women (even a man) would get to a point in life to think "Gee, this person has not lied to me, I always find this out, but, I still choose not to believe.........."

Now...........With my daughter.................NO..........I go to the extreme.....................I don't trust........... I KNOW all men are NOT like this........I just won't risk my daughter ever being hurt like this.

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Bon1

· #17 · Oct 29, 2005

Robot-Kitty.........I.......Personally think........Of course it caused you some harm.......Of course it effected your self esteem ect..........I see things like.............As the way a child internalizes aspects without knowing...........You mentioned your parents knew but kinda turned a blind eye.........What's this say...........I Love you but not enough to protect you, this was your Uncle, what's this say..........Your family violated you........How would you not feel like a lessor person........

Now..........It's up to "Us" to start to rebuild..........We have to find ways to know we're worth life, we're as good as others............It gets better as you get older..........You just have to keep plugging away.......There are no "easy" answers..............Time..........Attitude..........I wish there were an easier way............

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