[LeoKt]

It was my uncle, it was repeated, and i was around 8 or 9 or so.

I think that the shame I have felt growing up, and the fact that my parents kept silent about the whole thing even though they knew, reinforcing a feeling of shame and silence, may not have helped. I wasn't able to be proud of who I was, and the anxiety issues I have are closely related to feeling powerless and not able to be who I am. I always felt somehow different from my peers but could never put my finger on it. Just recently I am beginning to realize how deeply the molestation really did affect me, and it doesn't seem a far stretch to say my problems relating to people could have to do with the damage done to my psyche during my formative years. I have gone through a lot of weird mental crap lately as I began to realize these things...

But on the upside, my anxiety has been getting a lot better, at least so far as I have a lot more courage now and I can deal with people easier. On the downside my old problems have been replaced with other problems, and I often have been feeling like I am losing my mind. But it's not as bad as feeling like I am living a half-life due to anxiety, which was how I always felt. Anyway, just thought I would share.

 

[Bon1]

I truly hope you're at a place in life, where you know this wasn't your fault, that you did nothing wrong, your Uncle is the party that should have the shame.
I can empathies with the feelings you must have, trust.......Being able to depend on the people you're suppose to be able to trust.........

I don't know how old you are now, if you have sought any counseling, but many times, "We" replace problems with other problems. Believe it or not, this is typical, I didn't say healthy;-)))

On a "Personal" note............I don't know what your situation is, with your family, but you, as a person, are under no obligation what's so ever to keep peace, or be nice to this Uncle............ Your only "Have to" is being nice to yourself, finding a way to deal with this to your best ability.

 

[cj]

I was molested when i was 9, and although it didn't go too far, it created a general mistrust of adult men. I later found out that he also molested another nieghbour girl. I never went back after that incident - but she did. And it haunts her through to this day. He was the nieghbour, and if i had told my dad - I knew he would have killed him. That same year a pervert approached me on my walk back from the tutors. He told me all about masturbation and offered to help me try it. If it hadn't been for my quick thinking, i am not sure where that situation could have led. The world is filled with some very sick people. A year later my friends best friend was raped at 10 years old walking home from school.

I think all you can do as an adult survivor is to ensure you do everthing you can to ensure this does not happen to other children. It does have a profound effect on those abused. I think abusers should be automatically be given a life sentence, since they have basically done that to thier victims. I really feel for you.

It might help to confront your uncle and tell him what he did was wrong. You could also pursue charges if you wanted. Regardless, i'd get therapy to deal with this devil and put it to rest. Your uncle ruined your innocence, but don't let him ruin the rest of you.

My thoughts and sympathies are with you.

 

[cj]

On another note: I think your parents failed as parents - thier first priority should be to protect thier children. Now if they knew about the situation and did nothing at the time - or since learned of it - and have anything to do with your uncle - I'd say that is a betrayal of you. I don't know how you could feel anything but anger towards the people involved.
You certainly should not feel one ioda of guilt. - you were a child - and adults are supposed to protect children - not exploit them.

I knew how strongly my parents felt about this issue - and i knew my dad had serious issues with anger. I lmay have told them if i knew that it might mean that it would prevent another child being molested - if only to prevent the same thing happening. Children often have no concept of the big picture. I thought it was me - and because of something i had done. I no longer feel that way.

 

[Hannah]

this has been my problem as well. growing up, there were alot of things that were ignored and denied. the emphasis was on keeping up appearances, not protecting the kids.

actually i don't think i'm naturally shy at all but extremely protective of myself and the ones i love. i have a very clear idea of what i want to say but my mouth doesn't co-operate around most people. i've seen how cruel and sick people can be, and my problem is that i extend that to everyone. i'm always nervous of where the bottom is with someone. i hope that there's a way to get over that and am currently seeking help.

i'm sorry to hear that you had a similar experience.

 

[Norske]

I think people found beyond all doubt to be guilty of child molestation should be castrated to prevent it from happening again.

 

[missnat84]

I think people found beyond all doubt to be guilty of child molestation should be castrated to prevent it from happening again.

:agree

 

[rusalka]

:hug :rain :mum :mum :mum :cry

 

[island]

To those of you who had to experience this type of abuse, I can only offer my deepest sympathies :hug.
It's bad enough when adults mistreat one another, but to take advantage of a child's innocence is criminal...

 

[Bon1]

I have a VERY hard time with a parent, "Suspecting" any type of abuse.........Just letting it go........... Of course we don't want people running around with unfounded accusations.......A parent should observe..........Never let something like this go, if they know, and continue to let this happen to their children........They're as guilty as the actual offender.........I have a daughter..........I can't imagine.........I would want to kill anyone that harms her, because I know the negative of human behavior, I'm a bit overly cautious when it comes to this........I trust few men (No offense meant) I'm just very cautious who I let in my life because of my daughter............ If something like this happened to her, I would always feel like I let her down, I'm the one person that's supposed to protect her.

 

[Bon1]

I received a note from a 'Friend" she wanted to know why I didn't tell my story..........I thought for a few..........Because it's done..........Most "Victims" have been blamed for the acts of others............It no longer effected me, just thoughts, then, I felt the color drain from my face...............Hands shake........

I get very defensive when it comes to a child...........I don't have sympathy for anyone that harms a child..............They're too important.........I know the Love I have for my daughter........It's so hard, to fathom a mother, father knowing something like sexual abuse is happening, and they chose to ignore it, or find a reason for it...........

I won't go before the age of ten.......My parents divorced.......My mother dated...........I would say she dated a lot...........It didn't seem like she was very..............Discriminating...........I don't know if that's the word.............From the age of 12, the men she knew.........Would try and touch me, even then, I knew it wasn't right, I knew better than to tell her..............I was raped, my Mom knew something wasn't right, but not with me...........she woke me up, very early one morning, I think trying to make me talk while I was still in a fog, wanting to know what was going on between her boyfriend and me............I was..........13.......And, she wanted to know what I did........................The man could do no wrong...........Her other boyfriend, started acting like a father figure, being kind and considerate......I found out this was another MO that idiots use..............I can't fathom, I can't believe she didn't see this........

She's been remarried (a few times)............If anyone, gives her the truth, on ANY man, they're the ones always lying..............The man, would never lie..........She's been married, I don't know how many times...........Sincerely sorry, for once I'm not intentionaly trying to bash men. You would just think a women (even a man) would get to a point in life to think "Gee, this person has not lied to me, I always find this out, but, I still choose not to believe.........."

Now...........With my daughter.................NO..........I go to the extreme.....................I don't trust........... I KNOW all men are NOT like this........I just won't risk my daughter ever being hurt like this.

 

[cj]

You are obviously not alone in this Robot kitty - and i am sure that there are more out there that just can't deal with talking about it. I can because as i've said - it really wasn't that serious - he fondled me. I am sure any of the women offering thier support here would be glad to talk to you by here or by pm if you need to get things off your chest.

 

[RainPetal]

When a child is abused its the responsibility of the adults, especially the parents that should be supportive of the child. I'm so angry that adults turn a blind eye towards victims of abuse. The adults who do this tend to come across as average people in the street and they're obviously too bitter and cowardly inside. I'm sorry to hear that you had this horrible experience Kitty.

 

[Hannah]

Robot-kitty - please if you do want to talk about this or just chat, whatever please feel free to pm me. Sometimes it helps having someone to relate and hear what you have to say without judgement.

Bon - Our families should go bowling, I related to EVERYTHING you've posted. I don't have children of my own, but just wanted to say that your daughter is lucky to have you. As terrible as our experiences are, we've learned to be aware of how much our decisions/actions affect people and what a gem true love and loyalty is. It's probably made you a very in-tune and loving mother.

 

[murderedpsyche]

I think people found beyond all doubt to be guilty of child molestation should be castrated to prevent it from happening again.

...or killed.

I was molested as a child by two immediate family members and i'm still trying to deal with the effects now. The people who molested me are sane, well adjusted guys who grew up in a stable, loving household and they were not mistreated while growing up except for the occasional spanking. There is no other explaination other than selfish motivations and porn, both of which they were (and still are) consumers of. It's true that some molesters have a psychological problem that leads them to do stuff like this, but there are a lot of truly evil men and women who know exactly what they are doing and play up the psychologically sick card when caught.

I have no doubt in my mind that being repeatedly molested and raped as a child has directly or indirectly resulted in my social anxiety, (and my occasional misanthropy). Sorry to rant on, but in the case of evil self-serving child molesters, i support the death penalty, even though i know that will never happen where i live because it's considered unliberal and i'm living in Canada.

 

[LeoKt]

Thank you for the support. I was afraid to read the replies. I am happy that I was not critisized, and I am sorry that others have experienced similar things.

These child molesters do not realize the profound impact they are having on these lives- Lives they are screwing up.

It tears me up inside and I wish some brutal harm could come to these people... I do not know for certain whether or not my molestation caused me to feel like a lesser person than other people, or whether or not it was my parents' parenting style, or genes, or what...

All I know is that I want my life to get better, and that I know that my uncle affected me badly to an extent where if I see his name it seriously disturbs me. To this day if I say his name it gives me chills. I don't know, I could drone on and on...

I just ... wish I had some answers.

 

[Bon1]

Robot-Kitty.........I.......Personally think........Of course it caused you some harm.......Of course it effected your self esteem ect..........I see things like.............As the way a child internalizes aspects without knowing...........You mentioned your parents knew but kinda turned a blind eye.........What's this say...........I Love you but not enough to protect you, this was your Uncle, what's this say..........Your family violated you........How would you not feel like a lessor person........

Now..........It's up to "Us" to start to rebuild..........We have to find ways to know we're worth life, we're as good as others............It gets better as you get older..........You just have to keep plugging away.......There are no "easy" answers..............Time..........Attitude..........I wish there were an easier way............

 

[Secretive]

Hope you don't mind me crashing in here robot kitty cause I completely sympathize with you since this happened to me as well when I was very young 2 incidents that I can remember I sometimes wonder if there weren't more. I totally put it away for years it's like I knew it happened but I just compartized it and wouldn't allow myself to think of it. I think this is where my S.A. started from I also was bullied at school when I was quite young. I never told anyone what happened still haven't face to face just bottled it up. A very bad way to deal with it and it's why I have such unresolved issues. I don't trust people very well esp. men and aren't comfortable with a touchy feely people even family I'm still not a hugging kissing type person. I can be emotionally distant and I think that can come off as cold but it's not that it's just a defensive mechanism protecting myself from hurt or rejection. I can't allow myself to be open to reveal all & to be judged. As you can see major major issues I got going on.

 

[Farren]

Robot-kitty,

I am so sorry you had to experience this. Child molestation is SICKENING and I find it deplorable that family members would turn a blind eye, even though I witnessed a similarly-handled incident in my own family. I wish you the best in your recovery. :hug

 

[jayclants]

To Robot-Kitty:
Did you do anything about your uncle or does he still have a relationship with your family, and is at large?

To murderedpsyche:
Are those two immediate family members still at large?