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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, so I don't post much, mostly because I forgot I was a member of this forum. And this last year has been the worst of my life. But I have made some major improvements this year, so I'm feeling a bit proud of myself.

Things I have done over the course of the last month or so that I'm proud of:

+I got through college. Sort of. I had a minor nervous breakdown in front of my tutor that made the college decide to put me on early study leave or I'd be an emotional wreck for my exams. But I only have to go back four times and I'm finished! I didn't give up! And I think the month and a half off just revising helped me catch up with all the work I missed by skipping college throughout the year.
+I have a job! I was outside a charity store that wanted volunteers and I hung around inside for about half an hour and then just decided to go for it. I had my first day the other day, and am kind of annoyed that I know I didn't make a sparkling first impression, but I don't think I made a bad one either... So, yay!
+And the one I'm most proud of...for Valentines Day I posted a video. On YouTube. Of me singing. It was the most horrendously nerve-wracking thing in the world (not least because I can't sing on my own never mind in front of people) - I got too nervous to even record a message, I wrote it on bits of paper and held it up to the webcam instead - and I swear I spent most of the morning before he replied to the email nearly throwing up, but I did it.

I'm kind of nervous about going back to school next year - I'm more comfortable with people there than complete strangers at college, but I still get way too worked up over it, and if they don't like me now then I'm effectively screwed - and I still have some awful habits I'm trying to break, but I'm trying to be positive. At least I don't feel like there's absolutely no hope for me now, even if I know it's probably quite a while until I'm how I want to be. Anything is better than feeling like I'd be stuck like that forever.
 

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That's wonderful. :)

Getting that hope is so important to keeping going forward. You should be very proud of yourself. Going back to school (after dropping out due to anxiety) was one of the hardest things I've done in my life, but it has turned out to be a time of tremendous growth. Ups and downs, yes, but growth over the long term.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
I left school after year 11 originally because I thought that at college I could make new friends and be more myself...I love my school friends to pieces, but I started getting very nervous around them and feeling out of place, so I thought college would be a fresh start. Didn't work to plan, clearly. And then I was too stubborn to admit it was a bad idea and go back to school to finish exams until it was too late. But I can do it next year. And no one can say that I give up too easily now, not after that.

I kind of switch between feeling incredibly proud of what I've achieved and feeling useless for being in that place to start with - because otherwise I wouldn't have had to dig myself out in the first place - but hell. Everyone has their down moments, so why shouldn't I be pleased with myself for managing to find my way out of it (even if I'm only halfway there. And i had a lot of help.)? It's not like I haven't considered 'the easy route'...so I should be pleased that I didn't.
 
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