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People keep telling me you're only gonna make friends if you make an effort. I agree with that, but it seems like my anxiety just scares people off. I'm a decent looking guy, but once I start having a conversation with a girl, I become anxious and it feels unnatural. My biggest problem is eye contact. I've tried to overcome this so many times, but the more I try to fix it, the more anxious and self obsessed I become about it. It pisses me off! I just wanna look at someone in the eyes when they are talking to me like everyone else. Instead, I always have to look away and I just can't connect. It ends up making me even more nervous.

Now, it's easy to say "well, you just have to go out there and talk with people", but if you aren't comfortable talking with people, how can you honestly expect them to be comfortable talking with you? This is what I complain to my parents about. I tell them I'll never get a girlfriend until I solve my root problem of eye contact. And what sucks is, I don't know what e;se to do. My last therapist pretty much said "I've never heard of a problem like this." So I stopped going to him after a few months. Now I'm back to square one. I even have this problem with my family. I can't stop the awkward feeling from going away.

I've tried to just force myself to make eye contact, but it make me feel even worse. Like I said, the more I focus on it, the more obsessed I get. I wonder if I'm doing it right or whatever. I'm not sure what's the solution. I feel I could solve this if I had a set of instruction of how to overcome it. lol If you asked me to gain weight and gave me weight lifting exercises to do, I could do it, but with this problem, I have no instructions on how to solve it.

It's like groundhog day. No matter how many people I talk to, I experience the same thing. I've tried CBT and the whole "you can't prove they notice your eye contact is different", but I experience this every day. I can tell when someone isn't comfortable around me. Also, not to sound stuck up or anything, but I consider myself good looking, yet no women attempt to talk to me. It's like I'm invisible or someone. More likely my anxiety is just scaring people away. That's my theroe, but regardless, this problem needs to be solved before I can move on in my life. It just keeps holding me down.

Do you guys have any suggestions? Should I just email a bunch of therapists and ask if they have any clue on solving my eye problem? Solving this on my own seems impossbile. What do you think?
 

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I have this problem. It happens with some outgoing guys and good looking girls. I don't like paying attention to how much eye contact I make because then I don't listen to what the person is saying, though I do it anyways because I notice when (shy/SA) people don't make eye contact with me I find I make the conclusion that they're not interested in me or what I have to say. This makes me understand that others will be insulted if I don't make good eye contact so I FORCE myself, even though it's unnatural for me and anxiety-provoking. FORCE yourself and do not get discourage if you can't do it. Just try your best to look in their eyes as much as possible until you can no longer bare to look them in the eyes, whether that's 1 second or 30 seconds. Do it repeatedly with everyone you meet and never give up.

Being awkward around others because of anxiety is the worst for me. It takes so LONG for me to become comfortable with them, it's pathetic. I guess this just improves with ongoing exposure to meeting new people. In groups, sometimes I NEVER feel comfortable with them, even after being with them for a couple months every day. I just clam up and give short replies whenever someone asks me a question. I HATE when a group of people all have their eyes directed towards me. I even hate it when people stare when I have my shirt off - I'm well-built. I get so damn anxious and want to run and hide.
 
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