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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
BUT it's with the girl I'm trying to let go of because no matter what we have between us she will never love me :(

It's not ON Valentine's since she's working that night but I felt like she was fishing for me to ask and in a weak moment I ended up telling her I'll treat her the night before or after.

The reason I feel like I'm weak for doing this is because I just can't keep feeling like anything with her will go anywhere and it never does and she has told me that she doesn't or can't feel for me the way I want her to. Yet she was most obviously wanting me to find a way to giver the "Valentines" attention, and she has so many other guys chasing her it's ridiculous so why would she bother with even remotely drawing me in for this? Also weak because recent changes have us not seeing each other very often and the days I don't see her I miss her so much. I don't know how to let go of her because I feel like it's going to be hard for me to even get close to anyone remotely like her anytime soon and every time I see her it just make me want to see her more.
 

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I dont know why you think things will go somwhere. Focus on making her feel good, and having a good time with her. Don't think of whether she will end up as your gf or not. Its ridiculous to think like that. Enjoy your date, and if things don't work out then at least you had a wonderful date with a girl, or even if the date doesnt go well, at least you would exchange a few words with a girl and not come to this forum and be lonely. Whatever happens, good luck and take the date lightly, and focus on having fun with her and make sure she is having fun too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yeah that's what I've been doing with her whenever we hang out, just trying to let go of anything and have a good time with her without attachments. I can't help how I feel, though, it's a bit of a habitual mental process.

I guess I'm thinking past the date and negative feelings which might come up in me "after". I have a hard time being in the moment, not just with her but with most anyone. My mind is always either dwelling on the past or anxious about the future, leaving me incapable of experiencing the present. I'm trying to work on that... it's not easy... I'm aware of what you're saying and it's the correct advice.
 

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Yea, i totally know where you are at! Its hard to just be there for someone and just have fun with them when you are caught up emotionally because it leads you to want certain outcomes from the situation. You are doing the right thing with trying to stay in the moment, Im guessing you have read the power of now by eckhart tolle?

BUT I don't know how to let go of her because I feel like it's going to be hard for me to even get close to anyone remotely like her anytime soon and every time I see her it just make me want to see her more.
I know this very well too, its a bad position to be in, you need to work at it so you get get yourself into the position where you dont think that she is the only person you can get close to, this takes a lot of working with yourself as it comes from deep seated insecurity's that tend to go hand in hand with SA, but its worth the work because you gain total freedom with people and it will greatly improve your relationship with her, she will admire you greatly for the improvements you have made with your own life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Looks like it's not going to happen after all. Maybe Friday, who knows, I should just always predict being alone. I have no idea why to this day I still occasionally keep my hopes up.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
It's not really her intention to avoid the date, just one of the people she depends on for work was wanting to take her to dinner and I can't blame her for not avoiding that since we don't have a real established relationship and she's at an age and situation where she has to show a good face. Plus she spent nearly the whole day with me at my place yesterday and made me something to eat without my asking.

It's my own feelings causing me turmoil, the kind of thoughts that spin in my head lean toward possessiveness, jealousy and a fear of abandonment. No matter how much I've opened up to her, I bury those feelings deep when she's around but they resurface when she's not. I've known her long enough to know she's loyal to anyone she decides to date, and in a really messed up way I would immediately be able to be at ease if we were an unambiguous couple and while we are not is when I have the jealousies swim around my thoughts. They stem from a fear that I'll be abandoned by someone I've grown to love and who's presence I crave very much.

I really was just wanting to treat her to something romantic. I can try to take her to dinner another time if even Friday doesn't work out but just once I wanted to take a girl I care for to a Valentines dinner just the two of us.
 

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You're friendzoned man and shes using you. Don't be a beta and fall for it, keep moving my friend. She made it clear that she don't like you that way but she still wants to be your friend and wants you to take her out for dinner? don't make sense, let her pay for her own dinner lol
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
You're friendzoned man and shes using you. Don't be a beta and fall for it, keep moving my friend. She made it clear that she don't like you that way but she still wants to be your friend and wants you to take her out for dinner? don't make sense, let her pay for her own dinner lol
Yeah I get that whole "friend zone" thing SAS dwells on, just we're not platonic if that's what you mean. Most of the issues do fall on me, my insecurities, anxieties... It's like I'm working on those things WHILE struggling to make something work with her. She's the closest I've ever gotten to anything real and I can't just switch it off so easily. She gets me gifts too, just not as often as I for her since she's young & struggling with money.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I finally did set the date for tonight. Important to say again that we're not platonic (so it's not "friend zone") and relationship issues are mostly mine but she does have some of her own. I clearly have a lot to work on, and I don't want to lose her while I work on myself - I feel like there's a chance she can find her way to me and giving up is like deciding to take a 5 minute break in the last & hardest couple of miles of a marathon.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I'm happy to share that the date happened. I held off on trying to make anything else happen and, rather, just enjoy the time. It turned out very nice, much better and more pleasant than I think either of us would have anticipated - and none of that is in my head, we talked and laughed and had a great time without any awkward stalls or feelings of something not being right. I have to remind myself that it doesn't necessarily mean any more than that but it doesn't take away from the experience itself.
 

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I'm glad you date ended up happening, and glad it went well :)

Just remember, you can't predict the future. Try to keep enjoying the moment; be present instead of trapped in a future that may or may not happen.
 
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