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(/・・)ノ 
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It was this big exposition about my problems, mostly social. The whole thing is maybe 1,000 words. I couldn't help but see this part and feel terrible:

I feel like I haven't met anyone as strange as me yet and that they are out there. I just have to find them and meet them before my isolation turns to pessimism which ultimately turns to the worst of them all: cynicism. I would probably call myself a cynic right now. A sour, self-pitying 20-year-old with little hope, or interest in, friendship anymore.
Well I'm very much not a cynic anymore, just lost. I'll consider that an upgrade!

Have you guys ever uncovered something from the past that made you realize your changes?
 

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Some of the posts in my old account (before the forums changed and I lost it (GaryUranga)) really take me back to a dark place in my life. Gotta look at the bright side and how far you've come.
 

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♎ Mackinac Island Fanatic
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I often deliberately avoid looking back on old personal things I wrote, because they remind me of how little I've changed, or that I've in fact changed for the worse. :(

On my bedroom wall (full of graffiti) I long ago wrote, "Fiction is the closest thing I'll have to a friend." I think it's dated from the Nineties. A few times in later years I added other dates to it to verify that it was still true. It makes me sad to see that even way back then I was more resigned to loneliness than I realized I was.

I can't stand reading my posts from when I first came online...I was way more outgoing and outspoken then. Then I learned better. Other Internet users taught me to be ashamed of speaking out. :sigh

Ditto with old journals I tried to keep around 2003 and so. Even then I had more hope than I do now and it hurts to read it. I can't even read my online journals anymore. All they do is remind me that I wrote all that stuff thinking somebody would care, but in the end nobody did. (Last time I updated my most recent online journal/blog...about a year ago. My final entry was full of suffering and indirectly pleading for help. Nobody replied. Nobody's missed me.)

Sorry for this ultra-negatory response, yeesh. :um
 

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Out there...
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Really, just thinking back sporadically at different times in my life at certain events which highlighted how much more of a trainwreck I was back then (however long ago the event was).

I get somewhat of a relief that I'm not as bad anymore, but I can't help but cringe that I was even like that in the first place. Makes me wish I could improve at a much faster rate.
 
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