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Leben ist verrückt!!!!
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So the semester is over and I just took one of my finals. I had a goal at the end of this semester to at least make one friend. But my attempt failed miserably. :( The girls that I thought wanted to be my friends didn't want to be friends outside of school. they just wanted to be an acquaintance and thats it. Then I tried to make friends with this other girl. So we exchanged numbers and I tried to text her and now she doesn't even speak to me anymore. I guess she doesn't want to be my friend either. I am so tired of meeting these acquaintances and that seems to be all I can get for some reason.

People seem to not want to be friends with me at all. They talk to me one day and then the next day, they ignore me and act like a total stranger towards me. Its so weird. I'm in a club at school, and the people don't want to befriend me either. I tried talking to them, but I guess I'm not the type their looking for. I am coming to the realization that I am a Loner and thats how its gonna be. It feels like I've got two choices. Be happy as a loner or wallow in self pity because I am a Loner. I think I have a loner personality because I don't click with people and my personality doesn't mix well with others.
 

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i know i've told you this before but i think it can be extra hard to make friends when you're trying to. a lot of the friends i've made, happened accidentally. i had no intentions of becoming friends with these people but it just happened naturally. now ive lost touch with all of them because my social anxiety stopped me from maintaining relationships once we no longer saw each other through school or work, but the point is, try to let it happen naturally. it's ok to be a loner. don't feel bad about it. but don't stop talking to people either. it might take a while but i can almost guarantee that if you talk to people, you will eventually find a mutual fondness developing between you and another person and that's just a step away from friendship.
 

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My advice is to just keep trying. I really hope I'm not in your place a month from now, I'm going to really try this time. I've consistently struck out for the past 6 years, which led to me giving up about two years ago. I think I'm going to go to church this Sunday. Even if you're not a Christian, there are so many nice people at church who are willing to befriend you. Make sure you don't go to one of those huge, judgmental Baptist churches, though. Go to a small church with a lot of youth, trust me, they're looking for friends too because most people hate Christians & what they stand for.

I also advise you to watch out for bad friends. This is crucial. All of the people I've considered "friends" in the past have taken advantage of me sooner or later. Literally, all of them. One even tried to steal my car. Might be one of the primary reasons I purposely isolated myself during my late teens.
 

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Social SADcase
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Don't think there is anything odd or strange about you, or that you have some kind of loner personality trait as it's simply not true. You have a personality just like anyone else, and will without question click with someone, maybe not those people you refer to, but there are many people who would love to be your friend. :yes

Maybe you are sending out negative signals unintentionally? You said you "tried" to send a text message, you "tried" to speak to her, what did you say exactly? was it positive or did it maybe come across a bit forced or insecure? You obviously don't have to explain here but I'm only asking this question so you think about this. Instead of trying to please other people and trying to be their friend maybe you should adopt a different strategy and ask yourself who "deserves" to be "your " friend instead. You should be the one in control and picks and chooses who are your friends.

Yes, easier said than done, but a change in attitude is all it takes I believe.

I've found in the past that if you don't think about trying to make friends and just go with the flow and be yourself then they tend to gravitate toward you which makes it a whole lot easier to become friends with people through more natural means instead of jumping the gun as it were.
 

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God, thats the same feeling/experiene I'm going through. Idk if its desperacy or what, but I wouldn't just label you a loner. I don't think you can be a loner until you haved alot of friends and then decided it wasn't for you otherwise you're just lonely. Don't be hard on yourself you just have to allow it happen naturally. Probably you cling to people who are easy for you to talk to/ be yourself around when really you should be hanging out with people you enjoy the most not whose easiest.
 

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I got the same problem. I would be happy with anybody becoming my friend (ofcourse they'd have to be nice to me :p). When I get the nerve to start conversations and make aquaintances eventually they just stop talking to me. They'll start giving one word responses to my questions or something. It's like everyone clicks with eachother except me. It's quite strange. Also, I almost never get approached by strangers, I always have to approach them and that really bothers me.
 

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At least you're trying... I'm too scared to talk to people in fear that they would do things like ignoring you as you have described. I'm really too anxious to talk to people in classes though, although I would love to know people in school.
I don't even realize how bad my anxiety is until I get into those situations... *moans*
why must I be so pathetic.
 

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Dance dance
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I definitely agree that you should keep trying and not shut yourself off. What counts is that you are making an effort. I haven't met you in person, so I don't know what's going on. It might be that you're trying to force friendships too hard, and that can come across as scary (but I don't really know). It could be because of things about you, or it could be other things, which might not be your fault at all.

Anyway, people are not going to instantly become best friends with a stranger. It takes time. Friends evolve from acquaintaces. People have to see that other people are "safe" before they are willing to accept them as a friend. Don't get discouraged.
 

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So the semester is over and I just took one of my finals. I had a goal at the end of this semester to at least make one friend. But my attempt failed miserably. :( The girls that I thought wanted to be my friends didn't want to be friends outside of school. they just wanted to be an acquaintance and thats it. Then I tried to make friends with this other girl. So we exchanged numbers and I tried to text her and now she doesn't even speak to me anymore. I guess she doesn't want to be my friend either. I am so tired of meeting these acquaintances and that seems to be all I can get for some reason.

People seem to not want to be friends with me at all. They talk to me one day and then the next day, they ignore me and act like a total stranger towards me. Its so weird. I'm in a club at school, and the people don't want to befriend me either. I tried talking to them, but I guess I'm not the type their looking for. I am coming to the realization that I am a Loner and thats how its gonna be. It feels like I've got two choices. Be happy as a loner or wallow in self pity because I am a Loner. I think I have a loner personality because I don't click with people and my personality doesn't mix well with others.
Same problem. But a bit self-imposed it seems....

At least you have the courage to try, and give it a go. I'm sure you can make friends, if you find the right person.
 

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poison apple
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I never made any friends in college. The only place that I seem to consistently be able to make friends is through work, though I haven't necessarily maintained all of those friendships.

One thing about friendship is that it has to develop organically, through shared interests and common ground. Just deciding "I am going to make friends with that person" rarely works. Sometimes it can even backfire because we end up trying a little too hard to make a friendship happen, and it can end up coming off as pushy or clingy to the other person.

Don't be too hard on yourself if a friendship doesn't develop every single time you try. At least you are putting yourself out there, and getting to practice socializing with different people. That's something to be proud of! Eventually you will learn what works and what doesn't, and you'll meet people who you really click with. It just takes time.
 

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I understand where you're coming from. I didn't have any friend when I was growing until college when I really tried to make friends, but just like your situation, I would make friends with them for a day and the next they don't even remember me.

The thing I realized was that I showing signs of desperation because I didn't have any friend that I was really trying too hard, like somebody who wasn't on dry-land padding in the water to get air; there was no foundation. So I didn't really care anymore and became a social independence, where I was independent on my own, but I can go out whenever I want and enjoy the social scene and meet people naturally without trying too hard to become their friends, and naturally they became part of my social circle.

Now put yourself in their shoes who you are trying to befriend, if you met somebody who didn't have any friend and was desperately trying, would you be friends with them?

Give value. Make other people WANT to be your friend, instead of trying.
 

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Leben ist verrückt!!!!
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I understand where you're coming from. I didn't have any friend when I was growing until college when I really tried to make friends, but just like your situation, I would make friends with them for a day and the next they don't even remember me.

The thing I realized was that I showing signs of desperation because I didn't have any friend that I was really trying too hard, like somebody who wasn't on dry-land padding in the water to get air; there was no foundation. So I didn't really care anymore and became a social independence, where I was independent on my own, but I can go out whenever I want and enjoy the social scene and meet people naturally without trying too hard to become their friends, and naturally they became part of my social circle.

Now put yourself in their shoes who you are trying to befriend, if you met somebody who didn't have any friend and was desperately trying, would you be friends with them?

Give value. Make other people WANT to be your friend, instead of trying.
How should I do that?
 

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I'm a Spartan.
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Be in the transition first of overcoming SA. I used to have this problem. However, in the last 3 semester (including this one), I started making a bunch of friend in my college. The reason because I was in the transition of overcoming SA aka means I was being myself. When your in the transition, you'll start acting like yourself more. And when you are yourself people will be more open to be your friend.

When your under SA, most, not all of us, we'll look like we have too many problems and nobody wanna be our friend. I was not going around looking for friends like I did in my first 2 semesters. It just happened. Now, I am making friends with ppl I do not want to be friends with lol. And I am still dealing with SA. Just focus on yourself and your social anxiety. As a result, you'll make a bunch of friends.
 

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First, start off by working on how you present yourself. Are you coming off as needy or desperate?

Just for an example, if a homeless man were to approach you, you wouldn't want anything to do with him, right?

Because he has no value to give, and is taking value when asked for money.

Now if some well-dressed rich guy were to approach, you wouldn't hesitate to have him part of your social circle. Because he has value, something to contribute to the table.

Now people in school or any organizations tend to have this social hierarchy, they don't want to associated with people who might hurt their social status, if you will, especially people in school who are still immature to see outside that by not having the real-world experience.

Think about why the preps back in school don't hang out with the nerds. I'm pretty sure they're great people, but they don't want to jeopardize their social status.

Now I know I'm getting off tangent here...

Now back to how you can do that?

You have to think about what you can offer to them, especially if they already have tons of friends and don't have that friend-scarcity mentality.

Be the social-igniter, where you go around finding out where all the hotspots are and all the events are and you invited people to come along, and let people be the ones that call you up to find out where all the cool events all.

As much as I hate saying building a reputation, it's kind of like that. You have to start somewhere. Like example for me, when I was trying to make friends back in high school, I couldn't because those people who I been through grade school knew me, and I had a reputation for being a loner, and then all of a sudden out of the blue, I wanted to be their friends. It didn't work. I did get along better with people who weren't in my grade level because they don't know me as this loser loner growing up.

The biggest thing I can say to you is, how do you make them feel? You don't have to be this rich-girl who invites people over to her mansion for a party when her parent's are away.

The biggest thing that make people addictive to you is a positive exchange of emotional value, where you just make people feel good, yet when you leave their presence, they crave for your presence even more.

Humor is a big factor that contributes to that, just making people laugh and feeling good. I recommend you read up on some books on being funny or conversationalist skills.

Because you're not desperate or needy like you already have enough friends already, but just make them feel good about themselves, instead of trying to make friends with them to make yourself feel good.


Hope that helps.
 

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Ei, cool, I’m exactly the same… but hey, a loner. Wuff, in school time its maybe hard, was also for me but it gets better after graduation when U get to know the big world, ur own way in it. Ur more like a predator, the rest is the cheep from which u start to feed one day. So, U have a higher purpose, ur much more advanced, flexible etc. Not like a pack of sheep, which cant even think, move or live without the pack. I bet ull enjoy ur life more and maybe its better than to be the standard cos standard is always boring.
I also understand tat as a woman u need more emotional backup than men, so, wish u luck in finding the real friend.
 

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I too made it a goal to make friends this semester. But I've only made acquaintances and never friends. I feel like I've had opportunities, but I just didn't know how to take advantage of them, or was too scared. It always turns out like that and it's frustrating. How do I make a sort of friend that I can talk to and hang out with often, instead of just once every 2 weeks?

And also, I feel like sometimes other non-shy people may feel unsure whether or not they can talk to or approach me, but if other people can be hesitant too, how is it that they can make friends then? How come only I can't make friends, when they can be hesitant as well at times?

I like what Social Natural was saying about thinking about how you make them feel. I certainly feel that I like people who are kind and friendly and try to talk to me. Perhaps I need to concentrate more on the other person and how they are feeling during the interaction, and how to make them feel good and thus have a better impression of me.

With my lacking social skills though, it's definitely easier said than done.
 
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