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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
1) Acne

2) I am not well-studied enough in any topics to be able to make intelligent conversation about them. Except for heavy metal. But since not many people are into that. When people start talking about popular music (rock, rap), sports teams, or current events... I am illiterate.

So basically... I am not afraid of people. I often initiate conversation and always try my best to be friendly with everyone. However... after I've asked the usual 'get-to-know-someone' questions, and conversation starts getting specific, I usually find some excuse to back out and avoid making a fool of myself.

So there we have it. The reason for my SA.
 

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If it gets to the point where you have nothing to say, try to take an interest in what the other person is saying, but don't hide the fact that you are clueless on the topic. Invite yourself to listen to them by saying something like "I actually don't know too much about [topic], would you mind explaining a bit?"

That might seem a bit too formal to you (or not, I don't know how you talk lol) but just change it into something you would say, while retaining the original message that you don't know what they are talking about, but would like to know more. Then you'll expand your knowledge of popular topics and be able to participate in future conversations.
 

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Well done on self-analysing which is a mentally exhausting process.

Acne, well that will pass, so ask yourself, minus the acne would my social anxiety be any better, or would you be just as shy? I have met many people with acne who are doing just fine socially and have a good sense of self-worth.

Fear of making a fool of yourself is more likely to be the root cause, you're not illiterate, you must have opinions, what's your opinion on crime, on social housing, on who the president should be, on where you'd like to travel in the world?

Don't answer these questions here, the fact that you have answers means you are able to converse. The majority of people out there are not well read in history, the arts, and the humanities. They have a general sense of what they believe in, and a general sense of what they like and don't like.

It sounds like if you work on accepting yourself more, getting your self-worth up, then you'll be more comfortable in conversation.
 

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1) Acne

2) I am not well-studied enough in any topics to be able to make intelligent conversation about them. Except for heavy metal. But since not many people are into that. When people start talking about popular music (rock, rap), sports teams, or current events... I am illiterate.

So basically... I am not afraid of people. I often initiate conversation and always try my best to be friendly with everyone. However... after I've asked the usual 'get-to-know-someone' questions, and conversation starts getting specific, I usually find some excuse to back out and avoid making a fool of myself.

So there we have it. The reason for my SA.
Man, I can absolutely totally 100% relate to this. We completely have the same thing wombat666. I do not naturally fear other people as well and I really want to join in to conversations. But the big problem is I can't relate to about 90% of what they are talking about and so I just keep quiet and keep to myself. Sometimes I just back out and avoid any conversations with them unless we have something in common. :no
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Yeah, yesterday I was invited to 'hang out' with a couple of old friends in their dorm room. Everyone was out partying, and I didn't want to create the impression of being the loner on my floor, so I said what the heck, and went.

I was perfectly fine introducing myself and getting people to help me assemble the folding chair. They were talking about music, so I was like... hey, this is good. I might be able to throw in some comments about metal in there. However, 'conversation' soon took a turn for the worse. They started talking about friggin' trance music, then Andy Samberg, then soccer teams. They actually mentioned a team one of whose games I had once gone to, but at that point I got this weird feeling... since I had been more or less quiet this whole time, what was the point of suddenly starting to talk? They would just think that I was even weirder than they initially realized.

So this is one of the major problems here, as I see it: I'm fine maintaining conversation as long as I'm talking more or less at regular intervals. However, as soon as I am quiet for just a little too long, it becomes harder and harder to break back into the conversation. Afraid of being perceived as strange and sporadic, I regress into silence. Yet the longer I stay silent, the more my SA escalates. I begin to worry more and more about what they are thinking... 'why is he just sitting there? why isn't he saying anything?'

Eventually, I find some lame excuse to leave. Occasionally I've even walked out without saying a word to anyone.

That's basically how most conversations I have with non-metalheads proceed.
 

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If it gets to the point where you have nothing to say, try to take an interest in what the other person is saying, but don't hide the fact that you are clueless on the topic. Invite yourself to listen to them by saying something like "I actually don't know too much about [topic], would you mind explaining a bit?"

That might seem a bit too formal to you (or not, I don't know how you talk lol) but just change it into something you would say, while retaining the original message that you don't know what they are talking about, but would like to know more. Then you'll expand your knowledge of popular topics and be able to participate in future conversations.
I tell people outright that I don't know much about the topic. Ex." I've never been to a soccer match, but it sounds like you enjoy them" I can usually fish something out of my meagerly repertoire of life. Ex. " My daughter used to play soccer." The more experiences you have, the easier conversation gets. Or, I will listen and nod and even though I have no idea what they're talking about, eventually the conversation will turn into something I can say something about. For my own sanity, I strive to accept my personality, because acceptance is a lot better than self-humiliation. Why would I want to continue to believe the voice in my head that says,"you're stupid, you're boring, you never talk, you're too quiet, you suck.." seriously, who the hell cares? If people around you don't like you for you, that's their bad.
 

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Yeah, yesterday I was invited to 'hang out' with a couple of old friends in their dorm room. Everyone was out partying, and I didn't want to create the impression of being the loner on my floor, so I said what the heck, and went.

I was perfectly fine introducing myself and getting people to help me assemble the folding chair. They were talking about music, so I was like... hey, this is good. I might be able to throw in some comments about metal in there. However, 'conversation' soon took a turn for the worse. They started talking about friggin' trance music, then Andy Samberg, then soccer teams. They actually mentioned a team one of whose games I had once gone to, but at that point I got this weird feeling... since I had been more or less quiet this whole time, what was the point of suddenly starting to talk? They would just think that I was even weirder than they initially realized.

So this is one of the major problems here, as I see it: I'm fine maintaining conversation as long as I'm talking more or less at regular intervals. However, as soon as I am quiet for just a little too long, it becomes harder and harder to break back into the conversation. Afraid of being perceived as strange and sporadic, I regress into silence. Yet the longer I stay silent, the more my SA escalates. I begin to worry more and more about what they are thinking... 'why is he just sitting there? why isn't he saying anything?'

Eventually, I find some lame excuse to leave. Occasionally I've even walked out without saying a word to anyone.

That's basically how most conversations I have with non-metalheads proceed.
I've been through the, "I'm a quiet person, so if I talk now, people will think I'm weird." I've decided that if I can come up with something to say, I'll darn well say it. It can make or break my day. I make a goal for myself, like, I will say "goodbye, have a nice weekend" to one person at church I've never talked to before. They end up saying the same, with a smile, back to me. So, who knows, I may have made their day too. And I go home thrilled that I was brave enough to do that and not cower and beat myself up all the way home.

There are people in the world who are more accepting of us quiet people. Just keep looking for them, they are out there. I know it's uncomfortable when everyone else is talking, and you're standing there with a glazed look on your face. But, you have to embrace yourself and love yourself. So what if you don't know what to say. Many times I position myself in a group, even on the outskirts, just so I am doing something with them. Yeah, it can feel scary, but for me, it's better than hiding in the bathroom. I've decided to play the tough social game at the appropriate times, and go home and explode when I'm done. At least the explosion is an expunging delight of stress, kinda like an orgasm. Ha. Man am I being loopy today. So what? Foremost, do not give up on yourself!
 

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hey, theres lots of acne solutions available these days!

i had to go as far using accutane myself and that lowered the problem to the point where i can just use proactiv to get it nice and clear.

they even got laser and proffesional pimple popping devices these days
 

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I actually started on a project to become more knowledgeable about sports. I've been reading the wikipedia articles about the NFL and reading about the season schedule, divisions, teams, etc. I think this is givingme more appreciation for the sport. I think even if you just know the teams and the players, that gives you a lot of ammunition for a conversation. Eventually I can move on to other popular sports (NBA, college football, etc.)

You could argue that I shouldn't do this if I'm not interested, but 1) I do have a slight interest and 2) realistically, it's an important skill for social survival in the suburban Midwest. Sure, a socially graceful person can dance around topics they don't know about, but I have to be realistic about my own capabilities.
 

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I actually started on a project to become more knowledgeable about sports. I've been reading the wikipedia articles about the NFL and reading about the season schedule, divisions, teams, etc. I think this is givingme more appreciation for the sport. I think even if you just know the teams and the players, that gives you a lot of ammunition for a conversation. Eventually I can move on to other popular sports (NBA, college football, etc.)

You could argue that I shouldn't do this if I'm not interested, but 1) I do have a slight interest and 2) realistically, it's an important skill for social survival in the suburban Midwest. Sure, a socially graceful person can dance around topics they don't know about, but I have to be realistic about my own capabilities.
I have a question. How do you motivate yourself to learn about things that you aren't interested in but a lot of people are interested in? I think my problem is that im not interested in a lot of stuff and its very hard for me to motivate my self to learn about other things.

Like when I put my self in the shoes of wombat666 wherein I only like metal music but a lot of people are more into pop/alternative etc. music. How do you motivate yourself to be into other types of things?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Problem is, if I'm reading about something that doesn't interest me, it goes way over my head. I'm also really bad with remembering names for some reason. Like, I can remember what certain individuals are known for, but I don't remember their names. That's kind of a problem when you're talking about sports players.
 
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