[indigo]

I've mentioned this in my introduction, but have a party to go to today. I had a total nervous breakdown yesterday when my husband made me feel bad about not wanting to go. His boss likes to have functions at different times of the year, and they at times ask us to attend. Sometimes we go and sometimes we don't. She and her family/friends are mostly Republican, hubby and I are Democrats. Ever since the election she has been distant from us. She's had attitude that my husband comes home and tells me about, now she wants to invite us to this get together she's having. I bet that you can imagine what I'm feeling like. It's not like we're going to another one of her parties, there is tension between she and us, and God knows what her family will feel like around us, or any of her friends. She likes to gossip, so I have no idea if she's been talking behind our backs or not. Yes, this type of situation.

Anyways, we have to go because of the way she asked... She started the conversation off asking if we had any plans for today, instead of inviting us and us being able to find an excuse to decline. She tricked us, asked if we had plans so that if we didn't we had no way to decline. So we have to go.

How I'm dealing with it. Well I'm going to put on a very nice outfit, look really nice. I've been working out I'm going to be pleasant and smile give hugs like I usually do. I'm feeling like if they act funny when I offer the hug or act put off that is their problem not mine, I'm not the one being the jerk. Also, I will smile, be cordial, make small talk with people if I need to, eat some of the finger food, stick close to my hubby and then we will tell them we want to make a movie and leave sort of early.

This is the plan and basically I am psyching myself out so that I don't have an all out panic attack! It's like I have to have an out of body experience to cope with the situation, because it's forced! I basically feel like I will do my part to be the good sweet smiling wife and anyone who has a problem with it, it's on them. I'll probably analyze the entire thing afterwards, but I am restraining myself from playing the party out in my head prior like I usually do. So although I'm not cured from s.a.d. this is my coping mechanism until I can truly get a grip on it.

I just wanted to share to perhaps help others deal with similar situations. It's a step, but it's not the total answer. The best thing would be if I could just go and not worry about anything, that it will be what it will be. I'll be cured if I ever can deal with a situation like that... Until then I have rituals to go through

 

[Vitruvia]

Good luck! Has the party been yet? I can't work out the time difference, so I'm not sure if it's today or tomorrow or yesterday on here!!!:|

Anyway I hope it has gone ok. Going to that sort of party is probably the worst thing I could ever imagine. It is bad enough to have to go and try to make converstaion with people, but when you don't even really get along and there is an added tension involved ? torture! I hope your husband is understanding. When I was married, my husband was not understanding of my social anxiety and he really wanted to be a high flyer socialite so was always inviting people from his law firm over for dinner parties or accepting invitations without consulting with me. I would get really ill from the anxiety so I wouldn't go most of the time. We are divorced now of course.

 

[indigo]

Good luck! Has the party been yet? I can't work out the time difference, so I'm not sure if it's today or tomorrow or yesterday on here!!!:|

Anyway I hope it has gone ok. Going to that sort of party is probably the worst thing I could ever imagine. It is bad enough to have to go and try to make converstaion with people, but when you don't even really get along and there is an added tension involved ? torture! I hope your husband is understanding. When I was married, my husband was not understanding of my social anxiety and he really wanted to be a high flyer socialite so was always inviting people from his law firm over for dinner parties or accepting invitations without consulting with me. I would get really ill from the anxiety so I wouldn't go most of the time. We are divorced now of course.

The party was yesterday and I went and actually had a good time. I got myself into a state of mind early in the day which made this work out. When I got to the party, the type of situation I knew was going to be there was present. The type that I come in and a whole bunch of people were eating and sitting around the counters and table, all watching as I entered. I had to make my way over to the guest of honor and give her a hug, and slowly greeted everyone else that I knew as I saw them in the room. I took my time, and for those people that I didn't see, I saw them later on and said hello. I sat next to my husband and people who hadn't seen me in a while made their way over to talk to me, so I was ok. I just kept on smiling, making small talk, listening. We stayed for close to 2 hours and then left. I said bye to everyone, gave all I knew a hug and left... came home.

So it went fine, and anyone here might say that I might not have this disorder because of the way that I handled this situation, but I do. I first had the nervous breakdown the night before, then had to create a ritual for myself before entering into this situation. That is not normal!

I can't imagine my husband having parties all out of the blue without consulting me or being understanding to my own emotional state, that would be so inconsiderate of him. I'm sorry that your ex treated you that way! It takes a non selfish and patient person to deal with people like us, because we're so complex in the way we need things to happen. I hope that you find someone who understands and accepts you for the way you are and can be much healthier for you!