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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
One of my biggest fears and admittedly part of the reason I stayed in ....well...there is no other way of saying it....what I now recognize was an emotionally abusive relationship .....was because I thought that due to my history of SA, I had no choice. I genuinely believed that without that specific woman, I wouldn't be able to find another due to my lack of social skills.

When she broke off the engagement I thought that was it. I thought I would revert back to how I was 10 years ago when I entered this website.

But I grossly underestimated my progress over the years.
I am very happy now, and I have the experience to, at the very least recognize manipulative/emotionally abuse behaviour, and avoid it.

So to anyone just joining the website and struggling with these issues ...take it from me.....it does get better with practise and time .....it just takes longer for us 馃槃
 

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Great post - I'm happy for you!
 

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Congratulations!

That is inspiring.. I think sometimes we can have the tendency to view all potential relationships through the lens of one that went terribly wrong. I'm slowly warming to the idea of dating again, but I perhaps need to do some more work on myself first.

I'm happy you have found a healthy relationship.. Hope it works out well! 馃榾馃挒
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Yea. Thanks guys. All too often SA makes it easy to be hyperfocused on your own failures, that it's hard to claim your successes.
But today I am claiming this success.
And I want to put out the positive energy.
It is entirely possible to come back from failures, even a failure as big as your fiancee walking out on you.

@Greenmacaron
I wish you the best of luck. There are aweful people in the world. But there are wonderful people too.
 

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Hi VIncymon,

Congratulations! I'm glad that things worked out for you in the end. I hope everything goes really well.

I've taken some encouragement from this post too, so thank you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Congratulations 馃帄 Where did you two meet if you don鈥檛 mind the ask?
My ex-fianc茅e left me whilst I was away volunteering and the local covid centre.
(The next few months after that were the loneliest I ever felt...just imagine, being post break-up and all you have is a small cubicle to live in)

Ironically though...the covid place is exactly where I met my new girlfriend, a few months later when I began to open up again.
 

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I couldn鈥檛 possibly imagine any woman to find me interesting enough to talk to lol let alone get romantic with.

I鈥檓 happy for you though, you are on the right track heading for happiness!
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I couldn鈥檛 possibly imagine any woman to find me interesting enough to talk to lol let alone get romantic with.

I鈥檓 happy for you though, you are on the right track heading for happiness!
I know exactly what that feels like.
That's why I said in the OP, it's not impossiblefor us to find relationships its just a lot harder.

When I tell you I, I believe you will find a woman, as long as you are willing to work on yourself and give it a try it's not just am empty platitude, trust me it comes from experience.

I spent my entire first year at university in a dorm with 11 other men and went to sleep every night hearing the sounds of at least one of them getting it on with his girlfriend all whilst I was still a virgin.

I've had a woman walk right up to me and loudly reject me, calling me a forever virgin loser, right in front of an entire classroom.

But, I have new perspective now. I learnt years later that when this girl called me a forever virgin in front of the entire class....it was actually a bad reflection of her nasty attitude; and not on me. And many of the other women in class at the time, thought she was a jerk for doing that, and some of them even found me cute
 

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I spent my entire first year at university in a dorm with 11 other men and went to sleep every night hearing the sounds of at least one of them getting it on with his girlfriend all whilst I was still a virgin.

I've had a woman walk right up to me and loudly reject me, calling me a forever virgin loser, right in front of an entire classroom.
wow to the first paragraph, I would have gone crazy most likely lol. That would have been bad for my mental health. I鈥檇 rather go sleep in the toilets and listen to the dorm people using that instead of listening to their creaking beds and moans.

I also been bullied by women, laughing in my face, dancing with me when all their friends were laughing and pointing and probably snapping pictures ( I didn鈥檛 even realize they were making fun of me) I only saw it once someone pointed it out. How thick can one be, very weird how didn鈥檛 notice it myself. I felt something was off but nothing serious.
Just odd behavior considering we were all in our mid twenties, bullying isn鈥檛 only among teenagers it seems. Doubly weird because in my humble opinion I鈥檓 not that ugly lol

Pretty much put me off thinking about relationships ever since though. Don鈥檛 think I will change my mind on that soon. In the meantime I am just working on myself, getting fitter, adopting a positive mindset. These things are going well, I am happy with the slow progress I am making.

You are of course right it says a lot about people to be so rude and pathetic. In the end karma will get them but I don鈥檛 even care. One day some of them will look back and feel nothing but regret, if they have a bit of humanity in them of course.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
wow to the first paragraph, I would have gone crazy most likely lol. That would have been bad for my mental health. I鈥檇 rather go sleep in the toilets and listen to the dorm people using that instead of listening to their creaking beds and moans.

I also been bullied by women, laughing in my face, dancing with me when all their friends were laughing and pointing and probably snapping pictures ( I didn鈥檛 even realize they were making fun of me) I only saw it once someone pointed it out. How thick can one be, very weird how didn鈥檛 notice it myself. I felt something was off but nothing serious.
Just odd behavior considering we were all in our mid twenties, bullying isn鈥檛 only among teenagers it seems. Doubly weird because in my humble opinion I鈥檓 not that ugly lol

Pretty much put me off thinking about relationships ever since though. Don鈥檛 think I will change my mind on that soon. In the meantime I am just working on myself, getting fitter, adopting a positive mindset. These things are going well, I am happy with the slow progress I am making.

You are of course right it says a lot about people to be so rude and pathetic. In the end karma will get them but I don鈥檛 even care. One day some of them will look back and feel nothing but regret, if they have a bit of humanity in them of course.
Hi, hi.
I haven't forgot about your post.
Self improvement is key.
How is your journey going ?
I just got a promotion too...so yep...gotta say my life is much better without my ex.

Sometimes I fantasize about walking past her with my new girlfriend all whilst flaunting my promotion. But that would be childish. Knowing that I am doing better is its own satisfaction.
 

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Hi, hi.
I haven't forgot about your post.
Self improvement is key.
How is your journey going ?
I just got a promotion too...so yep...gotta say my life is much better without my ex.

Sometimes I fantasize about walking past her with my new girlfriend all whilst flaunting my promotion. But that would be childish. Knowing that I am doing better is its own satisfaction.
Oh hi, I don鈥檛 remember posting this but it is there so I did it lol
My journey is slowing down I鈥檇 say, the beginning buzz and positivism is slowly wearing off, key is to not fall back into old habits of not excersizing etc鈥 I feel a lot fitter generally and positive but the brain starts to ask questions like why are you doing this, nothing will change鈥 It does that because I probably need a new challenge.

you have a girlfriend or is that also still fantasy?
 
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