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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hey guys, I thought I would share my self-esteem journey with you. Hopefully this helps some people.

Basically, I had **** self-esteem. Not even that, I literally had no self-esteem. If a 10 is healthy self-esteem, mine was at least -1,000. I'd look in the mirror and think I was hideously ugly. I cared so deeply about what people thought of me. Any little thing that someone would do, I would take it as a personal attack and feel horrible for days. I felt completely worthless, alone, and unlovable. I would frequently get angry and have outbursts because I was so mad at with myself and frustrated because I felt trapped in this cycle of feeling like trash all the time. I wanted people to love me so bad, I felt like I was constantly after attention and validation from other people because I could never find that within myself. I thought about suicide constantly and I even attempted it a couple of times. I was so damn shy with people because my confidence was non-existent and I was fearful of any potential criticism or rejection.

I experimented with putting myself out there a little more. Now, I didn't have some wild experience where I put myself out there and suddenly people liked me and had friends. Life was never some Hollywood movie for me, things went pretty much exactly how I always expected them to go. I got rejected, a **** ton. I just didn't have any luck with anyone.

Until I decided, **** that! I don't need approval from other people. I don't need friends or an SO to be happy. I stopped trying. Literally everybody I come across in daily life, even just a cashier at a store, is going to form an opinion about me.

So if everybody is going to form some sort of opinion about me that I can't control, BASED on things that I can't control, why should I even care? I decided to just live my life without a single care about anyone else's opinion. I don't need their opinions, they do absolutely nothing for me, they are useless and literally not worth a second thought.

Other people just aren't worth the time, effort, or energy worrying about. People literally aren't that special, stop putting their opinions on a pedestal and do what makes YOU happy. The only person who matters, is yourself.

This helps with socializing too. Socializing is easy when you don't care what the other person is thinking. Just say what you want. Act how you want. Curse, make jokes, have fun, mess around.

I also just started telling myself that I'm awesome. The negative self-talk does nothing for you, you might as well change it and just start telling yourself that you're awesome, cool, nice, attractive, whatever you want to be. Even if it isn't objective or "realistic" to other people, it's better than constantly telling yourself that you're worthless and unlovable and holding other people's opinions on a mountain-high pedestal.
 

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Dog in the sun.
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I'm pretty sure I went through a similar phase. Like when you say you tell yourself you're a badass against the world, I can totally relate to that. I did it with an aggressive disposition though, and it didn't help socialize, it only helped me not give a **** about anything. Which honestly, is not a good place to be in, even if it feels better than self-hate.

I don't think it's healthy to think "Other people do. not. matter. Nobody will ever give you anything that you can't find within yourself. The only person who matters, is yourself.". It can't be all about you, and you have to be open for people to be better than you in different aspects, and to grow because of it.
 

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Karmically Cryptic
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I like the part about letting other people think what they are going to think, realizing you have no control over it and attempting to finding ways to accept and appreciate yourself. Be careful in developing an attitude of going against the world or seeing others as an opposition though.

Edit: I've done the whole I don't give a ** what anyone thinks about anything, I don't care, I'm a * badass thing before. It only provides a false sense of confidence.

See if you can alter it in a more accepting or understanding approach. When we develop a sense of caring or kindness for ourselves and others we find true self-esteem and happiness within. Please understand I am not saying this to put you down in any way. :)
 

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It's your life, live it :) Your thoughts and opinions are real and valid, you don't need the validation of others to feel worthy. You are worthy, and your self-belief is growing :) Live, grow, be true to yourself and others and share the love :)
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I like the part about letting other people think what they are going to think, realizing you have no control over it and attempting to finding ways to accept and appreciate yourself. Be careful in developing an attitude of going against the world or seeing others as an opposition though.

Edit: I've done the whole I don't give a ** what anyone thinks about anything, I don't care, I'm a * badass thing before. It only provides a false sense of confidence.

See if you can alter it in a more accepting or understanding approach. When we develop a sense of caring or kindness for ourselves and others we find true self-esteem and happiness within. Please understand I am not saying this to put you down in any way. :)
I get what you're saying. Maybe I should specify. The negative opinions of strangers or random people don't hold any real weight. If it's someone you know and care about, you should listen to their opinion and take it seriously. And basically when telling yourself that you're a badass, I don't mean it in a narcissistic, "I'm better than everyone" sort of way. In fact a key element in this is understanding that you aren't better than others, you're equal. When you feel those negative "I'm a loser, I'm a failure" thoughts, try to change them to "I'm good, I'm strong, I'm cool". But, don't do it in such a way that makes you believe that you're better than other people.

I do admit that the "I'm a badass" logic isn't the most logical way to fix self-esteem. But for me personally, that was the literal thing that jumpstarted my self-love journey. Just telling myself that I'm a cool guy and that other people will like me.
 

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I guess more power to you if it helps you but I've gone with this type of thinking before and it did help some at times but it also caused me to be the kind of person I don't even like, TBH.
 

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Karmically Cryptic
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I get what you're saying. Maybe I should specify. The negative opinions of strangers or random people don't hold any real weight. If it's someone you know and care about, you should listen to their opinion and take it seriously. And basically when telling yourself that you're a badass, I don't mean it in a narcissistic, "I'm better than everyone" sort of way. In fact a key element in this is understanding that you aren't better than others, you're equal. When you feel those negative "I'm a loser, I'm a failure" thoughts, try to change them to "I'm good, I'm strong, I'm cool". But, don't do it in such a way that makes you believe that you're better than other people.

I do admit that the "I'm a badass" logic isn't the most logical way to fix self-esteem. But for me personally, that was the literal thing that jumpstarted my self-love journey. Just telling myself that I'm a cool guy and that other people will like me.
We're all on a journey of self-discovery. I think we have a tendency to first start looking outside of ourselves. It sounds like you are looking within, that's where the answers you're looking for will reveal themselves to you if you let them. Perhaps it will help you one day to realize you are already that which you seek. Trust yourself, you know more than you may think when it comes to finding yourself.😊
 

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Karmically Cryptic
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I get what you're saying. Maybe I should specify. The negative opinions of strangers or random people don't hold any real weight. If it's someone you know and care about, you should listen to their opinion and take it seriously. And basically when telling yourself that you're a badass, I don't mean it in a narcissistic, "I'm better than everyone" sort of way. In fact a key element in this is understanding that you aren't better than others, you're equal. When you feel those negative "I'm a loser, I'm a failure" thoughts, try to change them to "I'm good, I'm strong, I'm cool". But, don't do it in such a way that makes you believe that you're better than other people.
I understand. The thing to realize is these are just ideas. You may start to believe it and it can help you. Just know that real self-esteem is something deeper than ideas of oneself.

You can tell yourself "I'm cool" and you may start to believe it and I'm not saying it's untrue. You are. But what happens if that idea gets challenged in some way? In reality, it's paper-thin. The real you, the true self, beyond ideas of yourself, can never be hurt or taken away from you.

This is why there are so many sayings like "Start within." "Look within."
 

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So if everybody is going to form some sort of opinion about me that I can't control, BASED on things that I can't control, why should I even care? I decided to just live my life without a single care about anyone else's opinion. I don't need their opinions, they do absolutely nothing for me, they are useless and literally not worth a second thought.
True. What makes us human is our free will, which includes the ability to think what we want. How self centered it would be to open up everyone's skull and insert the our own opinions into their brain so that we always got a projection of what we wanted to hear?
 
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