[RockiNToM]

Hi guys, I'm off all medication now - totally free of it all! But I feel like I am still on anti-depressants in the way they seem to affect my pleasure. That feeling where you watch a movie or listen to music and there is just no connection; no emotional involvement. I just don't understand.

One thing I notice in the early days of coming off an anti-depressant is a surge in excessive pleasure, I feel almost manic but it only ever lasts a few days. Then after it seems to plummet and going in either two ways; I become depressed and anxious or I feel the same as I did on the anti-depressant (which is numb) - after the withdrawal phase has gone of course.

So, I don't really understand why I feel the way I do. Last time I withdrew from an anti-depressant (which was Zoloft) I went back to feeling depressed and anxious but still able to experience forms of pleasure. Now after coming off an anti-depressant I felt depressed (no anxiety) then numb... I can't make myself anxious anymore either, can you believe that? I can't cause any stupid physical feelings of anxiety. Sure my mind might still think and ruminate still, but I certainly don't feel stressed.

This is just too weird. I have never felt this way before.

 

[belfort]

you feel the way i feel much of the time...literally numb, nothing really excites me or depresses me..you are just there, existing..pleasure is nowhere to be found..its called anhedonia, treating it is a nightmare from my experience..

 

[belfort]

oh and ive never taken anti-depressants so this feeling you are experiencing could be caused by something else......

 

[zookeeper]

Sounds like depression to me. Early stages often feel numb, emotionless, or zombie-like.

See: anhedonia.

 

[RockiNToM]

Thanks for your input, I'll look up anhedonia.

The thing is, I've noticed this for a while a now. Over the past year, I have been getting less and less pleasure out of anything. Thinking it was my depression or the anti-depressant, I had my doses adjusted or moved to another med. In the end, I began to believe it was more to do with the anti-depressants, since before when I came off them some of my pleasure feelings came back. So based on that evidence, I would always be very annoyed about being on anti-depressants, and since other people had claimed similar things especially with SSRIs (Which I was on), I felt very frustrated.

However now I'm not so sure about anything anymore. I guess certainly in regards to 'caring' it changed the most with Effexor - one reason why I couldn't stand being like that any longer. So my doc switched me to Mirtazapine, which got rid of some of that feeling. Then while on Mirtazapine for a few weeks I had a bad reaction and was experiencing various nasty side-effects so I decided enough was enough and withdrew and I've not been the same ever since. If anything, the apathy is more pronounced than ever, and the anxiety almost entirely vanished.

I just don't know what the hell is going on. I've tried drinking alcohol to try and have some fun etc, but it doesn't do anything; there is no pleasure at all!!!

It's almost like my brain chemistry is screwed up big time.

 

[RockiNToM]

Thanks.

I've been doing exercises everyday because I now have some energy back since coming off anti-depressants (Which always made me feel tired) and I'm still waiting and wanting that pleasure feeling. I used to get a buzz exercising but since I've been like this, nothing; zilch.

I'm eating a pretty good diet too, which is a nice change from the trash I was eating before but luckily I've never got fat.

I'm starting to believe a chemical problem of some kind is going on, but I don't know, and how would anyone know? I mean it's not something a doctor can see.

 

[zookeeper]

I don't want to be the bearer of bad advice but I bet if you tried a chemical like MDMA which forced high serotonin levels then you'd certainly find something.

Hmm.

But I wouldn't recommend anyone with depression to start taking (relatively) hard drugs.

Hmmmmmm.

 

[RockiNToM]

Don't worry zookeeper I'm not into drugs at all.

 

[zookeeper]

Don't worry zookeeper I'm not into drugs at all.

I have nothing against drugs at all. Have a blast if it's your thing.

I was just noting the contradiction.

 

[RockiNToM]

Well it isn't my thing, at all.

 

[belfort]

i have a good diet and i workout every day hard and it doesnt help me much....

 

[rachel6321]

I wish I could feel numb...all my emotions are attacking me

 

[jim_morrison]

I exercise daily, and honestly it doesn't do a thing for my social anxiety. Might work for you though *shrugs*.

 

[RockiNToM]

Well, I think I may be cured from anxiety but I don't understand why or how. I've had anxiety my whole life, and now all of a sudden it's gone?!?

Today I threw myself into the deep end with a couple of things that would normally stress me and what do you know, no anxiety.

I guess I should be happy that I am experiencing no anxiety but I have no pleasurable feelings about it. Something that should be considered one of the most life changing moments and I feel nothing.

If this is indeed depression like some of you say, then why is it not like any depression I've had before? This is just too weird.

Edit: In further investigation this is the process which I've been through and how I ended up like this, which I am still trying to understand whether it caused me to be like this or not.

• Was on Effexor XR and remained on that 4 months at 75mg
• Started feeling apathetic, fatigued
• Switched to Mirtazapine at 15mg for a few weeks after problems with Effexor
• Then dose increased to 30mg for a few days because I was feeling suicidal
• Had bad reaction at 30mg so went back down to 15mg
• Situation did not improve and remained suicidal while on Mirtazapine
• Withdrew over a few weeks with no trouble at all
• Mood improved after coming off Mirtazapine no more suicidal feelings or thoughts
• Still experiencing apathy so started taking L-Tyrosine and Chelated Magnesium everyday because I wanted to try a more natural course of treatment
• Got a stomach upset so stopped taking the supplements
• Now off medication and suppements
• Still feeling apathetic but no anxiety.

 

[jim_morrison]

Have you ever considered other medical strategies other than antidepressants?, ie mood stabilizers, just incase theres an underlying reason why your not responding adequately to antidepressant treatment?

 

[RockiNToM]

I don't think my doc would even consider it, heck I never even thought of it, but my doc probably wouldn't prescribe me one.

You know, it feels like my dopamine is depleted or something, it's really hard for me to describe exactly what it's like. All creative thoughts, pleasures, everything, has all just been scooped up out of my head and with it the anxiety too.

I don't really feel that down, I feel pretty more level headed now. I don't seem to have any of the symptoms I have had before when I have been depressed. Usually when I'm depressed, I notice I end up sleeping more and generally thinking and feeling negative. Whereas now, I'm not really doing that, I am thinking as I would when I'm not depressed, and I don't feel like I'm 'down' I feel pretty balanced but not experiencing any happiness either.

 

[Libertine]

Hmm.

Hmmmmmm.

Life is a walking contradiction.

 

[RockiNToM]

Someone heeeeeeeeeeeeelppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeee. This is like agony, it's like whatever I do, it's not interesting or causing any emotional effect. Yesterday, I went drinking with some friends and I drank a lot because well...to be truthful I needed to 'feel' so drank a lot and sure I was drunk, but all I was feeling was the affect it had ony my motor function - I didn't have any buzz, fun, or anything, just nothing.

Drinking caffeine would usually make me anxious and agitated but now does absolutely nothing and is comparable to just drinking water.

This is just not right.:no

 

[zookeeper]

Life is a walking contradiction.

So it is grasshopper.

 

[euphoria]

Someone heeeeeeeeeeeeelppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeee. This is like agony, it's like whatever I do, it's not interesting or causing any emotional effect.

Welcome to my world.