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Ambivalent
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634 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have this online friend that I known for more than half of year already. She knows a lot about me maybe a little too much. I always tell her about my feelings and I would depend on her so much, I wouldn't be able to have a good day without talking to her. Since she is older than me, she is preparing for college so she can't really talk and I just feel like I'm really alone now. Today she was on and she told me that when we become adults, she wants to move to Korea with me and start a life there with me. And I guess I'm gonna get judge for saying this but, for awhile I actually question my sexuality cause of her. I just really need her by my side. and I guess I somewhat had a little feeling for her. And I guess that was weird for me and me being stupid, I kinda of told her. She said that it was probably just me mistaking it for like family-love, which is probably true cause I dont really know what love is. and I always feel like she is the mother/sister I always wanted but back to what i was saying. I don't think I can live with her or start a life with her. The reason why I'm really living in America is so I can get into a good college so I can get a good job. I don't think I can really be by her side. And lately, I just feel like whatever we do or say, it's tearing us apart and I feel so hopeless about it. I want to be by her side but I can't. she's probably the person closest to me and I always end up hurting her. I don't know whether i should tell her how i feel about being by her side. i dont want to lose her but i feel like im already losing her. i feel so hopeless and emotional lately. kinda just want to give up..

Well...just realize i kinda vented..but whatever. i guess
 

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Fun...Fluid...Formidable
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7,159 Posts
Its nice to have someone as a close friend and or companion. Although you may not be ready emotionally to know this, you cannot sacrifice your life plans just to be physically close to someone with whom you don't understand your relationship. That can be emotionally very risky. And especially if its only been online. Be true to yourself, don't give yourself away. Invest in your life, your plans etc. You can still keep communicating with this person and build a friendship without being swayed by the emotionally charged situation. Good luck. Stay alert.
 

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Ambivalent
Joined
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634 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks. I just don't her to be upset when I tell her that I don't think I cant do that. But thanks :) It means a lot to me. I was just confused on what I should do. So yeah ^^
 
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