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I cant help but feel like Ive been abandoned by God.I used to be a hardcore-Christian from when I was 4-15,around 15 and 16 I felt like he just stopped caring or doesnt even exist at all.I still believe he exists,well sort of Im kind of debating that with myself right now. im 18 right now and I feel like my life is going nowhere,I feel like i have nothing to live for everytime something/someone comes into my life that I see as a good thing...it ends up being yet another curse...and the one big curse,the curse that has sucked the happiness out of my life...its geting old,and its geting old real fast.matter of fact it was old 5 years ago!

It invades every section of my life... my work life(cant get a job),social life,drug life(cant do anything in front of anyone unless its a major upper or alcohol),love life(or lack thereof),family life,and life in general.Basically I feel like it has come to a screeching halt and its not moving anywhere.And where is God in the picture?If he loves me wouldnt he do something about it? Maybe hes watching episodes of South Park while Im already in hell and I havent even died yet.

And all my life I have heard by my family members/churches that if you pray to God it will get better eventually, if you pray to God he will give you the strength....

Well...I have prayed and prayed and prayed and believed believed believed...and nothing....and not only that Ive NEVER even HEARD of anyone completely recovering from social phobia.So where is this "strength" at? and why do I feel like im praying to my ceiling? Why do I feel 95% of the time God doesnt exist?or is watching TV?

I cant take much more of this crap...and by the looks of it there is no way to get around it.

I just want God to know that Im pissed off at his "test" if thats what this is. Because he couldve tested something else... like cancer,some kind of terminal illness in my 40's? maybe a close friend geting killed in a car crash??maybe a miscarriage?born in a 3rd world country?Geting a leg amputated.These are what I call "tests of faith" they're hard,some very hard but theyre temporary and also fair...time heals everything.

Social phobia however.... starts out hard and never goes away...and in some cases like mine,gets worse.I call it inhumane and what irresponsible person/being would put this on another?

Ive said it once and Ill say it again...its human nature to communicate with people.Its obvious just look around...when someones had a really bad day what do they do? they tell people about it, or in my case vent to people on the internet :p When someone finds out something really exciting whats the first thing they do? Tell someone. You take a large group of people and you take one away and put him in another room...what happens eventually? He gets lonely.People need people.

This is insane.A person should not have to live like this.If im not wracked with nervousness to where I feel like I could explode...then Im in my room obsessing about what I did or didnt do.When Im not obsessing about what I did or didnt do,then Im lonely.Its crazy.I hate it.
 

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My heart goes out to you, thepromisering. :hug I'll spare you the fluffy, preachy Christianese and just say that I think we all go through these times of doubt and despair when it feels like God has turned His back on us. Right now, you're looking down and all you see is darkness. When you stop looking up, that dark hole gets even deeper and pretty soon life seems hopeless. I've been there, and as I yelled and screamed at God "where's my strength...where's my joy?" I realized through all the pain I'd gone through that He was there. He had kept me alive for all these years and what didn't kill me had only made me stronger. You may be battered and bruised by life but you haven't succumbed...you're still alive...for a reason. Try to focus on that. He's given you unique talents and abilities. Make it your goal to find out what they are and how God can use them. This is looking up....this is hope. For me, God uses my brokeness to reach out to others and because of that, all the pain I've gone through now has purpose. Maybe you could let Him use your pain too. It's ok if all you can do right now is yell and shake your fist at God. He's big enough to handle it. I think He just wants to hear from you. And if you don't have the strength to pray right now, I'll pray for you. :)

Don't give in....keep looking up....hope is there.
 

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:agree

I also can feel the agony,
and frustration your going through...

I wish there was something more I could say,

you also will be in my prayers

debs
 

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thepromisering said:
and why do I feel like im praying to my ceiling?
Not to be too controversial, but maybe you are praying to the ceiling. Maybe there is nothing else.

I don't think it's my job to guide you to believing in God or not. Personally, I do believe in God, but in an unconventional way, so I'm sometimes not of much help. But maybe you really don't believe in God? Maybe there is no God? Maybe this is all a self-delusion, something from your past that it's best to let go. Maybe this is a wake-up call to the reality of life: that there is no God, that there is only you.

I only suggest such a thing because it may be the most psychologically healthy thing for you. Do you honestly even believe in God? I know a lot of people claim to, but I wonder how much they are also plagued with doubts, and how honest they are with that part of themselves. I know that when I gave up my belief in God, it helped me a great deal. It felt like I was finally being honest with myself, and that was really good for me, because it showed that I respected myself enough not to lie to myself. I also know that trying to convince myself that I believe in something, when deep down inside I know that I don't, isn't healthy.

What would that feel like, do you think, to not believe in God anymore? Suppose all those nights of anguish, you weren't praying to a diety. Maybe you were calling on something else, inside of yourself. Maybe all the strength you need is right inside you somewhere, right now. How would that make you feel? I'm just wondering.

Well, i don't know if my post was helpful or not. If it was, great. If not, feel free to disregard it.

You do sound depressed. Are you seeing someone about that? (Doctor, psychologist, social worker, psychiatrist, etc?) I would really encourage you to get in to see someone and get some treatment.
 

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From the perspective of a person who didn't give up belief in God even when severe depression and anxiety hit, I would say that even I understand.

I felt that God was punishing me in high school. Then when I finally got counseling, I got a counselor wise enough to tell me that that was the experience of many depressed people. I kept wondering if I'd done something wrong. The counselor told me that this can happen to anyone, no matter how religious they are.

Depression is such a devastating experience, that it can cause your brain to not be able to sense the Divine, or the beautiful, for that matter, in anything.

Depression saps your ability to imagine anything higher than your own miserable experience. I would say that when you start to get your anxiety and depression more under control, you'll be more able to decide where the Divine and the Beautiful are. You are more able, when less depressed, to notice the miracles and beauties of this life and sense what is true about the Divine. You are more able to make decisions.

So, you don't need to beat yourself up if you're suffering so much you can't feel God's presence.
 

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I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through.

Frogamigo makes a good point as far as you have options with your belief. Some people believe that everything is determined by God, while others believe that our own free will dominates and God is in the background, so to speak. I, for one, believe that we are God's children, but are given a lot of free will and freedom to choose.

You know, as I was reading your post and empathizing with you, I kept on going back to your age--18. I thought, "Wow! This person has a gift for expressive writing." Maybe, just maybe, this is one of perhaps many gifts that God has endowed you with. Sometimes, even in the midst of anxiety, depression, or any other emotional turmoil, we forget all the positives, all the strengths, in our lives.

Also, maybe keep in mind the fact that you're young. You have many years ahead during which changes can take place. Social phobia is a monster, although it's not necessarily a death sentence. I, as well as some others, probably will have at least a tinge of it for the rest of my life. Still, we can seek (and we will find) positive things in the doldrums and our struggles with this limiting disorder.
 

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just want God to know that Im pissed off at his "test" if thats what this is. Because he couldve tested something else... like cancer,some kind of terminal illness in my 40's? maybe a close friend geting killed in a car crash??maybe a miscarriage?born in a 3rd world country?Geting a leg amputated.
God doesn't cause things like that. I'm sorry that you are feeling like this.
When we feel we are not getting better or things seem to be getting worse sometimes we ask why doesn't God help us. I do know for a fact He allows a person to show faith and bear the trials for quite sometime until He intervenes. But He does not cause bad things. Maybe i have misunderstood what you were saying.... I hear some people make God out to be someone vicious at times. They talk about him like He makes people ill or think that He kills people to be in heaven with him but that is not what I have learned. There are so many other reasons why we have the problems we do and yet people blame God.
i hope i don't offend you by what I have just said. I'm sure you want to have faith and believe. God tells us to search for him and do his will. Also it helps and if you feel okay with it read in the Bible because thats the way He talks to us through the Scriptures. Problems like anxiety and thoughts of insecurity are not overlooked in the Bible. It tells us how to deal with that and other trials. But we have to listen or read, that is, what He has to say there.
I did not find peace of mind any other way until I read otherwise i was just confused and would feel lost. And when I'm feeling too much pressure the scriptures come to mind and i have a better outlook.
Hope you will feel better about it soon. :)
 

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Jesus said,"My soul is sorrowful unto death." Heaviness of the soul is something that you need to learn to accept. There will be nights of Gethsemane. Painful, long nights of oppression. God has not forsaken those who suffer in this manner, but it pleases Him that we partake in the sufferings of Christ. The Apostle Paul wrote:

"That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;" - Philippians 3:10.

Earlier in that Epistle Paul wrote: "For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for His Sake." - Philippians 1:29.

The Apostle Peter wrote: "Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;" - 1 Peter 4:1.

Clearly from these passages of New Testament Scripture, God desires that we suffer in the flesh. The Crucifixion (Sacrifice) of Christ "Pleased Him."

"Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief: when You shall make His soul an offering for sin, He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand." - Isaiah 53:10.

The sufferings of Christ pleased the Heavenly Father because it meant that His soul could be made an offering for sin for us. Better is the flesh that suffers now for Christ temporarily, than a soul that will suffer eternally in the after life (in Hell) for all eternity.

But the Wrath of God abides on those who commit sin in their sufferings, instead of suffering it out the way Christ did at Gethsemane. His soul was sorrowful unto death, and the cup was heaviness, but He said: "Father, take this cup from Me, but not as I will, but as You Will." Christ suffered obediently, as we ought to suffer obediently. For if God seen it fit for the Lord of Glory to suffer in the flesh, will He not also see it fit for the servants of the Lord to suffer in the flesh in like manner?

"Many shall be purified, and made white, and tried; but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand." (Daniel 12:10.)

The process of being purified, and made white, is through "fiery trial." Judgment begins with the household of God, in other words. The wicked will continue doing wickedly because they are not going to be judged until The Final Day. The wicked laugh now, but only for a time. The righteous mourn now, but only for a time.

I will close with this Verse:

"For if we have been planted together in the likeness of His Death we shall be also in the likeness of His Resurrection. Knowing this, that our old man is Crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin." - Romans 6:5,6.
 

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zombiesatemyhappycells, i also used to think like u, but I know that this though, no matter how often it comes in my mind, i gotta let it go.

From what I know, God doesn't reward u when u want, or doesn't stop the suffering when u want. In fact, I think that that ppl who search him most and try to follow his will will be tested more, like the purest gold being forged in the hottest oven, as an analoogy u can read in the Bible.

The chapter Jov helped me to explain my self why God has ''forgived'' me, cause I'm going pretty much through a similar situation like u (meaning i can't continue my studies, I tried 3 times and can't, I can't hold a job for more than a few weaks, I lost all my friends and I spend all my time alone, no girfriend for a long time and genneraly no hope in the future and i'm terrified it will continue like thius for the rest of my life.)

In fact, I came to this conclusion that God loves me even more, cause he tests me and giving me a test of faith, even if it is a whole-life test (i dunno about this, but I hope it's not...). So, even if it seems illogical and cruel, suffering may be God's way of telling u He loves u.

U say u were hard practitioner Christian for a long time, that excludes the possibility that your suffering may be the results of your sins.

Other than that, u could also pay for the sins of your father, mother, grandfather, etc.



How do u explain yourself the suffering ?
 

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Not Alone

I know how you feel. I've felt the same. if you read this here is my email [email protected]. You can tell me the whole of what your going through or nothing at all. You can tell me what you want me to pray, I can seek God about what to pray or I can go based off your thread. Until and unless you say otherwise I will be going with the latter two. I want you to know again that I understand how you feel. That you are not alone and that I have and am currently going through a crisis that has left me in the same predicament as you. I often feel alone and, ostracized, have had a great deal of difficulty finding work and am still unemployed. I obsess much like you do thinking I have done something wrong, that God hates me or that I will never see everything I hope to see. I falter constantly when it comes to cigarettes and am only able to stay away from smoking pot when im not around it it seems. I'm here to listen and to fight for and with you. If you would for your benefit I want you to get a list of songs and bible verses that ritterate that God loves you and that he does not abandon those in need. Try to remember that Jesus healed many people and none of them did anything to deserve it moreover no one in the bible that God used and blessed (both in a spiritual and physical way) were chosen because of how righteous they were.
 
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