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Loner
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I meet a girl at my friend's house and we started talking to each other via social networking site. I asked her out and she stoped talking to me for few days then again started talkin to me, again i asked her out vaguely but again she did same, she stoped talking to me, i thought fine, it doesnt matters and now she started talking to me again.. its weird i dont understand whats on her mind.

Now in exam hall i met another girl and she was really sweet. I started talking to her, and she was cheating in exams and helped me cheat in exams too for which am thankful to her. After i completed my test paper and i was living, she told me to wait for her until she finishes her paper too.. so i waited and when she got out she just went away without talking much. i wonder whats in these chicks mind? i think even they are having mild forms of SA ? why the hell she told me to wait for her after exams and then she didnt wait? may be she had some important work ? god knows whats in their mind... i wish i got good gf...
 

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breaking free
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Maybe you can ask them. It might be hard, but it is the only way you can really find out. No one else can read their minds.
 

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There could be lots of reasons. They could just be selfish people that are too worried about themselves and their own problems to think of someone else's feelings and keep their word. It could also be the first one likes you as a friend but doesn't want a relationship and so avoids you when you bring it up hoping you'll take the hint. It could be she does like you and gets too nervous when you bring up a relationship so she again avoids you hoping you'll forget. I'd place more bets on the former than the latter though. The 2nd girl could have just gotten stressed out by something at the end of class and didn't want to interact with anyone. I've left class trying not to cry before and ignored/avoided everyone to try to get somewhere I could be alone. Maybe she got caught cheating. There's no way to really know why someone is doing something unless you take the time to get to know the person.
 

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I meet a girl at my friend's house and we started talking to each other via social networking site. I asked her out and she stoped talking to me for few days then again started talkin to me, again i asked her out vaguely but again she did same, she stoped talking to me, i thought fine, it doesnt matters and now she started talking to me again.. its weird i dont understand whats on her mind.

Now in exam hall i met another girl and she was really sweet. I started talking to her, and she was cheating in exams and helped me cheat in exams too for which am thankful to her. After i completed my test paper and i was living, she told me to wait for her until she finishes her paper too.. so i waited and when she got out she just went away without talking much. i wonder whats in these chicks mind? i think even they are having mild forms of SA ? why the hell she told me to wait for her after exams and then she didnt wait? may be she had some important work ? god knows whats in their mind... i wish i got good gf...
-The first one doesn't like you. She would have said "yes" on the spot if she did. She's not a waste of time though. Maybe you just need to get to know each other more. but don't ask her out any more, and don't consider her a potential girlfriend.

-about the 2nd one: it has happened to me before. They ask you to hang out with them later, and then they don't show up, or they forget, or they cancel at the last minute, and the other appointments you set aside so you can hang out with her are ruined--including difficult-to-get reservations, or expensive concert tickets you bought for her. Sadly, women are like that. They easily bail out (men don't bail out of things so easily). Get used to it, and don't judge them because of it. On the contrary, be a gentleman about it--and expect it from time to time.
Bailing out of things is a natural flaw of women, but in their defense, men have many more natural flaws.
 

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Loner
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
may be i think they just want to remain frends, today also second girl started avoiding me when i trying to ask her out. may be these girls arent worth.. really.

i have very long hair . . more than shoulder length and long beard.. is that one of the reason that girl find annoying? some of my cousins said so...
 

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Sadly, women are like that. They easily bail out (men don't bail out of things so easily). Get used to it, and don't judge them because of it. On the contrary, be a gentleman about it--and expect it from time to time.
Bailing out of things is a natural flaw of women, but in their defense, men have many more natural flaws.
:roll Tell me that was sarcasm.. because you can't seriously believe that?? Men don't bail easily but women do it all the time??

Right... :sus
 

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hhahahhhhhhhhh
if i were the girls, i shall do the same with these two girls
you know little about the girls
it is routine of this response
but i do not know how to explain to you due my poor english
just go head :clap
 

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:roll Tell me that was sarcasm.. because you can't seriously believe that?? Men don't bail easily but women do it all the time??

Right... :sus
I totally believe that. In my experience, whenever a girl gives even the slightest hint of hesitation, you know it's a no-go. They'll pause for a moment, or they'll freeze in their steps, or start looking the other way, or begin to talk slowly. Then they'll say they get back to you to make sure that they can make it (or they'll ask you to call them back), and 10-15 minutes before the scheduled outing they will bail out. My personal favourite moment was when I was in university and asked a girl out to my end-of-the-year formal. Initially she said yes, but the night before the event she came up with the fantastic story that her friend had just broken up with her bf and now she had to spend that weekend consoling her--and she told me this through Instant Messenger!:roll

Fine. Sure. I felt there was no point in mentioning to her that I had already spent $50 on her corsage, or the $150 on dinner. It certainly wouldnt make me feel any better.

With guys, in my experience, it's different. You call them up, ask them to go somewhere, and if they can't they'll tell you immediately. none of this "call me back" stuff. Guys would never do that to other guys because they already know we get that treatment from girls. Sometimes, we'll even make it late to a party that we said "maybe" on. I've never seen a girl come late to a party when she said "maybe". It's a big difference.

That's why if you don't get an immediate reaction from a girl--particularly a big yes--it most certainly means no. Certainly for me it does. At my age, I have no patience for it. If I don't get an immediate response, I won't even think twice. I'll move on and do something else. If a girl really wants to do something, then they'll call me back. If they don't, then they obviously didn't want to go out and I don't have to deal with them.
 

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may be i think they just want to remain friends, today also second girl started avoiding me when i trying to ask her out. may be these girls arent worth.. really.

i have very long hair ... more than shoulder length and long beard.. is that one of the reasons that girls find annoying? some of my cousins said so...
Maybe you're seeking out the wrong kinds of girls. At least you are brave enough to go out and approach girls, most guys with SA would have difficulty getting that far. Its possible that you'll have to ask out dozens of girls before you find a good one.

Are you a Sikh? (just wondering because you mentioned long hair and a beard). It's been my experience that a lot of people are just very superficial and will judge you no matter what you look like, it seems people these days only want to date people that look like movie stars.
 

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With guys, in my experience, it's different. You call them up, ask them to go somewhere, and if they can't they'll tell you immediately. none of this "call me back" stuff. Guys would never do that to other guys because they already know we get that treatment from girls.
I probably should not even bother responding cause these comments are so short sighted and sexist it's doubtful I could change such a person's opinion but I can't help it. My sister had tons of guy friends that were just like all the sweeping generalizations you're making about girls. One in particular she had been friends with since kindergarten and decided to date him in high school. She finally broke up with him specifically because he could never give a straight answer about hanging out and going on dates and half the time he'd say yes and then call back later to say he already had plans with someone else. One of my boyfriends just after I got out of high school couldn't be counted on for anything at all. He'd change his mind every dang minute and plans were constantly being cancelled. My stepdad is far worse than either of those 2. He'll agree to go places with my mom and then come home late on purpose just so he doesn't have time to get ready after she's all dressed up and everything. He'll cancel plans for the next day just because she does something that slightly upsets him. Occasionally he'll just flat out ignore a direct question about plans that were already made, say he's going to some other event, and walk out the door. Those are just the biggest examples. I can only name 2 guys that are reliable to actually do what they say and keep plans. I happen to be living with one and my sister with the other.

Maybe it's that guys and girls don't do those things to each other but only to the opposite gender. I can gurantee you though that both do it pretty equally.
 

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Monster
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I agree with the above post. The fact that you would attribute a personality flaw to an entire gender is ridiculous and simple minded. My guess is that you just put much more importance in a female (date) not showing up or changing her mind than you do a male friend and therefore notice it much more. I have never noticed a difference between the genders when it comes to reliability. Certain people, yes, but gender was never a factor.

My advice to you: Stop generalizing females and start seeing them as people.
 

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Loner
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Maybe you're seeking out the wrong kinds of girls. At least you are brave enough to go out and approach girls, most guys with SA would have difficulty getting that far. Its possible that you'll have to ask out dozens of girls before you find a good one.

Are you a Sikh? (just wondering because you mentioned long hair and a beard). It's been my experience that a lot of people are just very superficial and will judge you no matter what you look like, it seems people these days only want to date people that look like movie stars.
No i am not sikh, sikhs tie turban. I dont belong to any specific community. Well as a matter of fact am not brave enough to approach the girls directly, i talked to them only if they approach to me, also i feel lot of nervousness when i try to ask them out.. i just cant
 

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I totally believe that. In my experience, whenever a girl gives even the slightest hint of hesitation, you know it's a no-go. They'll pause for a moment, or they'll freeze in their steps, or start looking the other way, or begin to talk slowly. Then they'll say they get back to you to make sure that they can make it (or they'll ask you to call them back), and 10-15 minutes before the scheduled outing they will bail out. My personal favourite moment was when I was in university and asked a girl out to my end-of-the-year formal. Initially she said yes, but the night before the event she came up with the fantastic story that her friend had just broken up with her bf and now she had to spend that weekend consoling her--and she told me this through Instant Messenger!:roll

Fine. Sure. I felt there was no point in mentioning to her that I had already spent $50 on her corsage, or the $150 on dinner. It certainly wouldnt make me feel any better.

With guys, in my experience, it's different. You call them up, ask them to go somewhere, and if they can't they'll tell you immediately. none of this "call me back" stuff. Guys would never do that to other guys because they already know we get that treatment from girls. Sometimes, we'll even make it late to a party that we said "maybe" on. I've never seen a girl come late to a party when she said "maybe". It's a big difference.

That's why if you don't get an immediate reaction from a girl--particularly a big yes--it most certainly means no. Certainly for me it does. At my age, I have no patience for it. If I don't get an immediate response, I won't even think twice. I'll move on and do something else. If a girl really wants to do something, then they'll call me back. If they don't, then they obviously didn't want to go out and I don't have to deal with them.
I do that but because I'm nervous and feel unsure. I've noticed recently a couple of people act jokingly annoyed when I say maybe. I didn't realise but it's just because I feel insecure. I've had guys cancel plans at the last minute because something else came up and that's just that it's a little bit annoying at the time but I don't think badly about it.

deadwarrior666 said:
I meet a girl at my friend's house and we started talking to each other via social networking site. I asked her out and she stoped talking to me for few days then again started talkin to me, again i asked her out vaguely but again she did same, she stoped talking to me, i thought fine, it doesnt matters and now she started talking to me again.. its weird i dont understand whats on her mind.

Now in exam hall i met another girl and she was really sweet. I started talking to her, and she was cheating in exams and helped me cheat in exams too for which am thankful to her. After i completed my test paper and i was living, she told me to wait for her until she finishes her paper too.. so i waited and when she got out she just went away without talking much. i wonder whats in these chicks mind? i think even they are having mild forms of SA ? why the hell she told me to wait for her after exams and then she didnt wait? may be she had some important work ? god knows whats in their mind... i wish i got good gf...
Maybe don't make it a big deal of "asking her out" I think it goes better if you just ask her to go somewhere and not make it so you're asking her on a date just going out. There's nothing wrong with having long hair and a beard some people find it attractive. The first one either she was nervous or maybe just didn't want to. The second one... I also think that's a bit weird I don't know what her problem is lol.
 

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Whatever the case there's nothing wrong with being friends with those girls. Especially the first girl it seems like she is really interested in being your friend or she wouldn't keep popping back in on you. Be her friend man and just leave it at that. Friends are great and having female friends will benefit your life immensely and usually much more so than having "relationships." Because until the day comes that you find someone to marry, every relationship is going to be heartache and a pain in the ***. In a friendship you have no strains, no stress, no fuss leading to much more natural honesty between people and even though it's not romantic the bonds that are formed among good friendships are definitely eternal.

And frankly put, I think it's best to become friends with people before you even decide you want to date them. Sure we all have attractions that make us want to "get with" people the first time we see them, but that doesn't mean they are meant for us. A couple weeks goes by and you could find she isn't what you are looking for at all.

And well I can't speak for all cultures but I am pretty sure the majority of women prefer a clean shaven face and some stubble at the most. I only say this as a compliment for your situation if you are interested in working on every means possible that would lead to a chance of better success.
 

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Be her friend man and just leave it at that. Friends are great and having female friends will benefit your life immensely and usually much more so than having "relationships."
I agree with this too. It is sooo tiring to have every guy think that just because you are single you want a need a relationship (or worse, when you aren't single and they try anyway!!!). Sometimes you want to be friends with a guy. Just friends. If something develops after, then great, but I like to know a guy can understand the concept of female friendship without it needing to be a relationship.

Do you know how hurtful it is to think a guy likes you just for you, and then when you say you aren't ready to date them, they disappear?? Especially if you felt like you were getting really close as friends. Only to find out they just wanted in your pants and since that didn't work, they no longer talk to you.

:mum

Sorry, it's just happened to me so many times. /cry
 

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Suit up!
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Okay I want to admit something. Probably one of my greatest flaws is that I'm too caring. It seems like a good trait, but when it comes to things like being asked out or breaking up with someone, then I HATE to hurt them. I always end up hurting them more because I'm trying not to hurt them at all, when it's really unavoidable to begin with. If someone asks me out I'll tend to *****foot around an answer just so I can avoid giving one all together. I'm too afraid to reject them and make them feel bad, but at the same time it's completely cruel to not reject them at all.

Girl's are thought as being the ~sensitive~ gender so maybe this can relate to others too, but in all it's really more a personality flaw than an entire gender flaw. Maybe you tend to meet girls that don't want to hurt your feelings, but don't know the best way to handle the situation.
 

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Lol, that reminds me of me in summer school back in 2004. There was this 'hot thing' that my friend was into in class, but secretly I liked her too, she sat next to me, and I passed notes from him to her. She didnt like him very much, but me and her 'talked bad' to each other on notes. I was mega turned on, but she already had a boyfriend.

Oh the betrayal! Oh the infedility! Oh the woes!

Oh well, at least that summer was hot. =S
 

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If you're single, and you want to be "friends" with someone, it means you're not physically attracted to that person. Period. Otherwise, you will want a relationship, a date, or more. These are things you simply cannot control. Nobody forces themselves to be single (and in the case of SA: nobody forces themself and likes it).
 
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