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MKarlie
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276 Posts
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I was bullied and ignored until about age 18. No parties, no cinema outings with friends. No hanging out. I always walked around the school alone, and no one in my classes knew I existed. My brother also used to bully me, told me I look like a mole all the time.

This obviously made me ridiculously self conscious as I grew older. I used to cry to sleep wishing I'd wake up as someone else. I couldn't stand leaving my house because I hated people looking at me. I always thought people were laughing behind my back.

But I think the bullying did someone to me. It triggered some kind of 'anti-social' thing. I can't even find it anywhere on the internet. Whenever people show an interest in me, friend or relationship wise. I completely ignore them until they give up. I only talk to people when I have to, and when I'm alone I would never think of contacting any of them.

I live with 5 guys, and even the one who never leaves his room has a better social life than me. He talks to the others through his phone, Facebook etc. I turn my phone off because receiving invitations to things gives me stress. I can't stand talking to people. It's like I don't trust anyone after my ****ty childhood, the bullies wrecked it for me.

The thing is, getting people to like me is easy. I'm very good at small talk, which usually gets new people to like me fast. I'm fit, I go to the gym. I play tennis. I sing on stage. I'm even in the skydiving society. The problem is I do all of this alone. I never talk to anyone else in the clubs I go to. When they go on 'socials' for the club I never go with them.

I don't know what to do. It's like I'm causing my own isolation, but the thought of texting someone to see how they're doing is horrific to me. Especially trying to organise something, I just can't do it. I searched on the internet for a term or name for this condition, but I can't find anyone like it. I always find quite shy people who are desperate to have friends, but no one reaches out to them. Whereas I'm not shy, and keep rejecting everyone who likes me because of trust issues.

I always feel like I'll be rejected like I was as a kid, or that people who like me secretly don't. :(
 

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The simple answer is that you need therapy. Think of the mind as any other organ, and if your heart or lungs aren't working properly you go to the doctor.

You probably have a trauma due to your childhood experiences and you need to overcome that, which is possible but it takes a lot of effort and guidance and only a professional can provide you with that guidance. Anything else you do almost surely won't make any significant difference.
 

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Damnm dude Im jealous as ****, you're fit and good at a sport and hella cool skydiver. I wish I had your list of talents. That sounds kinda sarcastic but I really mean it haha
 
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