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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello, i am here to talk about my loneliness, and my social anxiety. Im not going to give out my name because of all the people on the internet that know me. First, i think its appropriate to tell you guys what my day consists of. But first i must let you know some things, everyone at school seems like a mindless drone, i cant help but notice that everyone is so dull, all that people talk about are the newest ( J's ) and Miley Cyrus, our government is falling apart, our economy is falling apart, and people are falling apart, people don't have any "soul" anymore, they constantly hate and swear at each other, pick fights for no reason, and call each other names, everyday i feel like i don't belong here, and that i just want to live on another planet where everyone is not a carbon copy of the one beside them, i want to wake up to a world where people are caring, and ****! where they have any remorse or care for each other. everyday at 6:00 AM i wake up, take a shower, eat, and go to school, when i get to school i talk to people, ( acquaintances ), then i go to my first class. My first class is gym and when i am in there nobody socializes with me or invites me to be in their group(s), even in simple games like dodge ball, which, personally i think i am quite good at, nobody picks me. At the bell, i go to my second class which is, computer keyboarding. in that room, i don't know anyone, and nobody talks to me even when i make an effort to talk to them. The bell rings again, and i move on to my third class, which is, health, it is the same in health, only acquaintances, and no real friends, nobody will start a conversation with me, it seems like i have to. And then my last class, business, which i despise, nobody talks to me point blank in that class. I am not going to go into full detail because that would take up several pages. Anyways, i have not revived a text message from anyone but from my father, which i hate but am forced to see, and my mother which i don't have a relationship with anymore, this is because i am on my computer 24/7 to cope with the depression loneliness and all the hate i get from others, in over 6 months. This goes for calls also. Ever sense i was 6 i thought i was a failure because my father was always yelling at my mother and at me, from everything to grades in school, ( don't agree with how schools teach children ) and to how i had to take 3 weeks to learn how to tie my shoes, from how skinny i was, to how i don't like sports, to how i never conformed, and so on. everyday my mother ignores me and never says anything to me at all. so when i get home is when the isolation starts, whenever i try to talk to my mother about this she acts sincere, but then forgets about it shortly after. I have only had one girlfriend, but it was a long term relationship and we never saw each other but through the phone, i have never had a ( first kiss ), i have never had sex, i have never been to a party, i have never gotten all a's on a report card. at age 7 i was diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety. The anxiety was never so bad as to i was worrying about everything, but just about stuff like the doctor and dentist and things. Everyday, i see people happy, and when the gay dude that sits 3 rows ahead of you has a boyfriend that easily in my school, you know there is a problem (our school is mostly straight). Some days i sit and contemplate life, what is the meaning, to wake up EVERYDAY TO FOLLOW A ROUTINE! To make ANOTHER MAN money in the workplace, to see others happy as i wither AWAY! what is it about me that is so HORRIBLE. To see those i CARE about be torn apart because of illness, or because of how they are bullied, to see men kill themselves on the news everyday, Life goes like this kids, Be born, go to school, get a job, make someone else money, AND DIE!. whats the point?!? Can it be that the system is meant to make your a miserable ****! excuse me. Sometimes i think it will get better, i go to places like the mall, i sit with other groups at lunch, but nothing ever connects, a good friend of mine used to say, the world is going to **** you up the ***, i guess he was right. I just want some closure. I could add more but this is already a sob story, Sorry about that. I just want someone to relate to, thanks for reading if you did, if you didn't, who the **** cares, nobody does.
 

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Putting the SAS in sass
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Even though you didn't explicitly say, I'm kind of assuming you're in either middle or high school - sorry if this is wrong. But if you are, yes, those are terrible, terrible years. There is a ridiculous amount of pressure to conform and kids treat other kids like crap if they don't fit in, to ease their own fears of not fitting in. You are never as easily wounded, as sensitive to others' opinions, as you are at that age range.

And so I think a lot of people try and make themselves the same as everyone else, even if they don't want to. They just don't want to be hurt. On the outside, they may be indistinguishable from the person next to them, with the same appearance, interests, etc, but you never know - on the inside, they might think all that's stupid and be wishing they didn't have to put up a facade. Similarly, when people don't respond to your attempts to talk to them, it might be because they feel awkward and anxious themselves. If nobody talks to you, they might think you prefer to be alone.

I think that it is great that you care about the state of the world, and feel outrage at the way people treat each other. Don't stop feeling this way, because there are more than enough people who already don't care. I think it is great too that you make attempts to talk to people, because that is something I basically never did, but wish I did more. I think the important thing is to keep trying to connect to others, because statistically speaking at least, there must be someone out there who feels the same as you. And even though it's cliche, things do get better. Middle/high school is literally the worst time of your entire life (with maybe the exception of extremely advanced age). I can't give fantastic advice because I only graduated a few years ago, but already for me, it's been much better, and I think for you too, it will go the same way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for responding.

I see where your coming from, but I've basically lost all faith in humanity and in myself, its pretty ****.
 

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I don't know how people experience enthusiasm over such trivial things like which celebrity is screwing another or which model is taking their kid to the park. A Z-Class Celebrity... went for a walk... in public... OH MY ****ING GOD! WAO. I think they've never encountered a real difficulty or depression to put things in perspective.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I don't know how people experience enthusiasm over such trivial things like which celebrity is screwing another or which model is taking their kid to the park. A Z-Class Celebrity... went for a walk... in public... OH MY ****ING GOD! WAO. I think they've never encountered a real difficulty or depression to put things in perspective.
CHRIST i know! I've lost all faith in humanity, what will my generation do with themselves in the real world!
 
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