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Invisible Threadkiller
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I'm not even sure how to title this post. I will try to explain the situation so maybe it is clear.

First off, I live about 500 miles from everyone in my family and I don't talk on the phone much so unless someone calls me I don't normally know what is going on at home. The only person I ever call is my mom and that isn't very much.

Well, last night she called me to tell me my Stepmom overdosed on about 50 percocet (sp) a week ago. It didn't kill her but messed up her insides pretty bad and they don't know how long she will last.

Just some history. I haven't spoken to my father in almost 3 years. We didn't have a fight and as far as I know nobody is mad at anyone. It's just that I think he should call me and he probably thinks I should call him. The longer time goes by the more awkward it feels to have to call him.

Now, my stepmom is probably the only person in the world I can honestly say I truely hate. She is just pure evil to me and my family. It has probably been at least 5 years since I have seen her. The last time I saw her was for Christmas one year and it seemed to me like a very good visit and it seemed like we would be able to get along civil enough to allow my kids to visit without too much trauma. Well, when I got home I had a 10 page email from her just tearing me and my family apart. I don't even remember the details any more but I still remember the anger I felt. From that moment I vowed to never see that woman again. I didn't even want my kids around her because I knew she would treat them the same as she treated me when I was little. I didn't forbid them from visiting but it didn't mean I would have to visit. Just note that this was just the last straw and by no means explain the whole picture.

Another detail that might be relevant is the fact that she really is not my stepmom any more. Her and my dad divorced once, then remarried each other. Then she divorced him again and married another guy, left that guy, then moved back in with my dad. So now they are just living together unmarried.

What I am torn over is whether to contact my dad or not. I don't even know what to say. Do I say something now or do I wait for her to die to say something. Do I go to her funeral. Being absent from that part of my family for so long makes it very wierd for me. It wrenches my gut just thinking about it.

Even though I havent seen dad in 3 years even before that I only saw him maybe once a year so I have never been really close to him even though I have tried. I even worked for him for 2 summers just to spend time with him. I finally got tired of trying so thats why I am where I am today with him.

It may make me seem cold an callous but I could care less if she lives or dies. It angers me a bit that she would try to commit suicide when she has everything she ever wanted, or at least what she thought she wanted. I feel sorry for my dad that he has stuck with this woman giving into her every whim just so he wouldnt have to be alone then she tries to kill herself. She is actually mad at my dad for coming home early to find her overdosed. It just feels like he even alienated his kids and family to make her happy and he is going to end up alone anyways.

I have this feeling that I will just sink back into hiding and let the whole thing pass. Ignore it like I didn't even know. Besides, he never called me to tell me so how am I to know anyways. I guess I just hold out hope that after she is gone he might reach out to those who unconditionally love him. Even though he hasn't been a particularly good father, mostly absent, I think he is a good person.

I just don't know what to do.
 
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