And here's my list of open ended questions that i came up with myself:
Do you get along with boss/coworkers?
What would be your ideal job?
Do enjoy your career?
What do you love/hate about it?
How much money do you wanna make and what would you do with it?
What do you like to do in your free time?
What is your ideal vacation?
What did you do today? this week?
What are your biggest challenges?
What's the best thing in your life?
What have you achieved lately?
Got any hobbies?
Do you have a lot of friends?
How was life growing up?
Get along with parents/siblings?
What are your hopes and dreams in life?
If you could change anything about you, what would you change?
What contributions do you want to make?
What's your biggest wish?
If you could be anyone, who?
My personal interest questions, which are things I enjoy talking about:
Do you use computers a lot?
Like watching youtube videos?
Do you workout? Gym? Nutrition? Yoga? Fighting? Sports?
What do you do to improve health/fitness/relationships/friendships/social
Do you like walking around the mall?
Like going to movies?
Favourite food? Color?
Seen the news lately?
Relationship Questions (after you know them well)
What you like/hate about opposite sex?
Funnest place to go on date?
Should guys be chivilarous? Bad boy?
Do you want marriage? Kids?
What would the ideal relationship be like?
Ever been in love?
Top attractive body parts?
Stupidest thing a gf/bf could do?
Who should pay for who?
All of these questions will bring up new interesting topics which can be questioned. Most of these open ended questions can be followed up with "why?" answer the whys for yourself as well, equal amounts of getting to know each other is ideal.
....of course, this isnt the real problem is it. Ive seen plenty of people who never spend a second memorizing lists of topics and they socialize alot and like it.
The problem here is there seems to be a subconscious aversion to socializing.
The solution to that is to learn to love doing it by doing it and having fun doing it. So using these open ended questions may just help with that
Me too. I'm a great socializer on rare occasions, not so much at other times. I like to think that's my "real personality" if there is such a thing. It's as if the anxiety acts as a roadblock to your thoughts, forcing your thoughts to detour to sometimes uninteresting or strange subjects.
Excellent advice. This is what psychologists call the modeling method.Start paying more attention, watch what other people say and do, you can start to learn, and then try stuff yourself. It's not as difficult as you fear it is, you're socializing right now by posting on a message board. You just say something, and people say things back
Exactly the same for me! Whenever I get anxious I get stuck in a rut and end up wasting my time, wishing things were more normal for me. Just now for example the entire street went carol singing and were all invited round to one of the neighbours' house. I watched, seeing how the families and friends were all out enjoying themselves. Meanwhile I'm stuck inside with my brother and father who are just as socially retarded as me, but worst of all are very boring and always at their laptop/computer. I wish socialising just happened regularly and naturally in my family, but sadly it doesn't.