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i just realized...everytime i have hung out with friends recently, they have invited me each time. i have not called them to do something. they always have to call me and tell me to come. i don't know why, but i'm so scared of asking friends to hang out with me. does anyone else feel like this?
 

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There are a lot of people in my life that I could call and hang out with. They aren't close friends (mostly old friends from high school) they would hang out with me if I initiated but I don't. In my case, I guess it's because I want to know for certain that my company is wanted and that's why I don't call them. I have the attitude that unless someone comes to me, I won't come to them. It's definitely a defense. You can't be rejected this way.

A lot of people are really outgoing. They don't have anything against you but at the same time they don't need you because there are so many people in their lives. Sometimes it's a good idea to just try and call someone, if they turn you down then at least you know.

I'm the same way.
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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For sure. Actually when I first get to know someone, I'm usually the one to ask them first and then if they want to hang out with me again I leave it up to them, sometimes they don't initiate eiether though so it's complicated. A lot the people I meet are from work and they already have a solid stable social life. I figure they already have people to hang out with and don't really care if I'm in their life or not. I remain pretty good work buddies with everyone but never really anything more than a couple empty nights out drinking. If I'm around people I know pretty well then I'm usually less nervous about being out at bars and stuff. Other than that, it's very rare that someone would invite me to do anything. I was actually invited to a party the other night but I didn't go...not because of my SA but actually because I really honestly couldn't make it. Maybe I'm insane but I got the impression that she could care less if I said no or yes.
 

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I was like that when I used to have friends - it probably had something to do with fear of rejection, or worrying that if the people you've invited end up not having such a great time, it'll be all your fault and you'd be thought of as a lame-o... at least, that's how it was with me.
 

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I'm the same way. I could reconnect with friends from high school if I wanted to during the summer, but I just choose not to. I guess I figure if they're loyal ones they'll contact me.
 

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i always feel this way. sometimes i'll ask my friends at school if they wanna hang out at their place (never my own) on the weekend or something but usually there has to be some one else their besides me and them or else i wont go
 

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P4
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I'm the same, it never used to be a problem during highschool. But at Uni/job stages of my life, my highschool friends don't make an effort to contact me, even though they're delighted when I contact them... I haven't hung out with them since unless it's the odd birthday and I actually go. I really should organise something and the groups also wants something organised but I really don't want to be the one to do it...
 

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I'm almost never the one to initate a get-together. If it is someone I've known for a long time and feel more comfortable around, I will occasionally make the effort. If it is someone new that I haven't hung out with before, I never make the first move.

Most of the time I don't initiate get-togethers, not because of SA, but because I prefer my alone time. Sometimes I get bored and enjoy the company of others, but usually I can find something to entertain myself, and I'm fine with that.
 

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There are a couple of reasons why I never initiate plans. I guess the main reason is that sometimes my close friends make the comment that I say yes to let's do something like 95% of the time which made them think I have no other friends, which is well, true. I feel like if I were to initiate with them, then they would think I was sort of desperate to hang out or something. Also, I don't like volunteering my place to hang out, because well, there is hardly anything here, and so if someone else wants to hang out, they generally suggest their place.
 

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Positively Revolting Hag
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I never initiate anything either. But this week I did ask a friend to go to the movies next weekend so hopefully that'll actually happen.
 

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Damn, for me its the complete opposite. Now I no longer hang out with these people because I got sick of chasing them down and asking what they were doing so I held off on calling and instead am waiting for them to call me for a change...........4 months later
 
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