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Sometimes it's hard being caught in the middle.

Sometimes you can't quite figure out right from wrong because both seem like the same choice.

Sometimes the best advice comes from those who do not even live by their own words.

Perhaps that is the joke of it. It could all be a test, you have to put your ego aside and try to listen to the bad man with good advice. father.

My parents have split, I see my dad once a year, and I always come back confused at how im not disgusted with him. When I do return i like to spend some time alone trying to figure things out- my mom gets pissed- she thinks i'm turning my back on her.

I spent the week listening to my dad talk about religion and how devoted he is. How he wants me to be steadfast in prayer with him, and then i see him flirt with every skirt that walks by. he tells me they are all the same, and that he cant remain faithful to any of them for more than 3 months. The thought sickens me, but im so used to the irony of his actions that all i can do is accept it at face value. He tells me things about my mother, how bad he was to us, how she is too overbearing and how women these days have too much control within the family. Im sick to my stomach, but between his narcissism and backwards views he has a few words that hit close to home. Be independent, know who you are, tell the truth despite how ugly it is and you will never be hiding-he says. Here's how you talk to people, here's how you command a situation, and here's how you live your life successfully.

- and successful he is in his eyes. No responsibility, no wife, no children. The kind of man who would drop you off a cliff and make you climb your way back up. The hilarity being, when you reach the top he exclaims " see how strong i've made you", taking credit for everything, and making it worth nothing.

I see him once a year, i run into strangers more often, its hard to think about, yet i learn more about myself every time. I'm different every time, not because of what hes teaching me, but because of how much i notice our differences. Im home now, and the other parent is laying on the guilt. She thinks im different in that i've abandoned her and all her sacrifices, that im ungrateful, or that i think the world of a man who broke her heart. none if it is true, i just need to be alone with my thoughts for a moment. to be still.

life's confusing when you're in the middle of anything. Sometimes it helps just to write, and maybe someone else will understand. that's enough for me.
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