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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
It's over

It's over. Thanks to everyone for their understanding and I hope to fix myself and maybe someday I will earn her forgiveness. We are still friends.
 

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Hell yeah she manipulated you. You thought you could confide in her, but instead she wanted your action. I can see why though with SA. You just wanted someone to talk to you about these things, but you should have talked to your girlfriend about it, not in a way "oh I think you are cheating on me" but rather "hey, that kinda makes me uncomfortable and is giving me thoughts." Guys with SA are easily susceptible to manipulations by girls because we want to make them happy, but just making them happy might not be the best thing, so you have to be careful and read between the words and figure out the person's intentions.

Ain't it grand how life works?
 

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well i still don't think you can blame the other girl, you are the only one responsible for your actions and i think you cheated to get validation from the other girl because you weren't feeling secure and loved in your own relationship. you are not a bad person so forgive yourself.

still, you have to move on and your gf should do so also and leave the past alone, you cheated (a one time thing) and you guys should not even think about it. your gf is making a mistake that she's not letting go of the issue, i think she's just unsure if the relationship is right for her.
 

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still, you have to move on and your gf should do so also and leave the past alone, you cheated (a one time thing) and you guys should not even think about it. your gf is making a mistake that she's not letting go of the issue, i think she's just unsure if the relationship is right for her.
I'm sorry to say, but being cheated on is not something you can just forget and move on from. It's going to take time to come to terms with it and she said she want's to be with you, so I wouldn't worry about that. The person cheated on is really unsure if they can trust you again, not certain if you will do it again or not. Give her time if you really love her, she needs it.

As for the cheating, you can blame no one, but yourself. True, CG might have had something to do with it, but she didn't make you cheat. I am sure you are a good person and this was probably a one time thing, and while your girlfriend knows this, she is questioning it, too. It's natural.
I feel she will move on from it in time, but you should give her the space and time she needs to come to terms with it and be able to trust you again. I don't think she's unsure of the relationship, it's more that she's unsure of the trust between you. It's been severed and will have to be built up again.
 

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I've always heard people say that when someone cheats, there is a level of trust that is permanently damaged and it's impossible to ever forget.

That's not say the relationship is doomed. I'm sure there are plenty of couples that went on to live very healthy marriages after such an event, but I'm guessing that more often than not, most relationships won't survive after one cheats.
 

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i think you should forgive yourself, because obviously you feel guilty about it and you only did it once. you have SA, so wanting validation is pretty normal i would think.

however i agree with Iced Soul that it is very hard to let go of cheating. even if it only happened once, she is probably still wondering if it will happen again. you need to show her by changing your behavior that you have every intention of making progress with your SA and that you will never do anything like that to her again.
 

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I didn't really read any of your post since it's so long, but you can consider cheating on your girlfriend as a triumph over SA and even post it in the triumph section of the forums! ;)
 

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:rofl:haha:lol:rofl:haha:lol

I'm afraid that some of the females here won't like that message. :wife
I actually thought veryshyperson' comment was kinda funny lol. And the poster said he didnt want us to come here and bash him so I wont do that.

Its normal for the girlfriend to have trust issues.Sounds like youre blaming CG for what you did, and frankly its not her fault. You knew she was manipulative and has always been. And you cant really blame it on your SA either because that doesnt make you a cheater. Own up, get your SA under control since you told her that was the problem, and try your best to be a new person, cuz shes not going to trust the old one.

Not bashing ya, just being blunt. Dont let your guilt get so great that youre too scared to do anything to improve yourself. Your guilt could turn you into one of those guys who always thinks the girl has something goin on with another person. Actually, it sounds like you were already that guy. You cant be worried about her at this point, Im sure your gf will be fine. You need to worry about yourself and figuring out why you thought cheating was an actual choice. Til youre ok, shes not gonna be ok in the relationship either, sorry.
 

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After a few days of talking, and me not hearing from my girlfriend much due to her being busy, it was decided between Crazy Girl and I (of course, with her help) that the only way my girlfriend will truly be happy is if she can be with this girl who has a crush on her. And the only way to do that is to sleep with Crazy Girl. My girlfriend would break up with me and start dating the girl I thought she was in love with.
Did you really believe that? Even if CG had some magical manipulative power over you, how did you not realize there are much less ****ed up ways to end a relationship? I don't believe you.

More likely you did it because you were hurt and angry and CG gave you the justification and the means for the revenge that you sought.
 

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I just want to say I don't think once a cheater always a cheater. SA can make us be really insecure in a relationship. Crazygirl that you confided in only wanted one thing and probably knew how to turn your words so she could manipulate you.

As far as your cheating goes, Did you ever forgive yourself for it? I know what it feels like to cheat. I never ever thought that I would be one to do so. I think doing it once can seriously be hurtful to the individual who cheats. It makes you feel horrible about yourself and question who you are as a person. Once I cheated I moved out of my bf's place, he angrily blacked out that night. He asked me to go back out with me than about a week later met a new girl. He said he never planned too, but it just happened.
Payback is a ******. In the end he said that he could never think of going back out with me after what I had done.

If you love each other enough it will take her time to forgive you. While, she's on the break she might unexpectedly meet someone, but I hope not for your sake.
 

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All I can say is that you have a much more interesting life than me.
Interesting? That's just needless drama.

No, I think cheating is very wrong. Guys should have more respect for the girl than to go behind there backs with another girl and attempt to conceal it from them for extended periods.

It makes no difference how much reasoning you do to release the feeling of guilt off your own shoulders. Cheating is cheating. People always regret it, but by the same token, people keep on doing it. One would think one might learn.

If you're attracted to another girl enough that you would ruin something special with the girl you already have, then by all means go ahead and explain to her that you've fallen for somebody else, but taking action for the sake of temptation is a no no in my books, regardless of the situation.

Sorry for seeming brutally honest, but there's no sympathy here dude.
 

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you're human, you screwed up.. but its not like your GF was a saint either.

"My girlfriend would tell me about fliratious things that her girl friend would do when she was around."

edit: oh and another thing for you guys, and girls ragging on him for cheating. whats with the double standards when a girl cheats on her BF. explaining that her BF was spending less time w/her, seeming more distant, so she ends up with a male shoulder to cry on, and whoops, she cheated on her BF. and everyone on this board is like "there there you precious angel, your BF is such a jerk for not giving you attention, most likely he was sleeping around w/several woman behind your back. and your male friend is a fiend for taking advantage of your emotional vulnerability."
 

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[I'm 30 and I've had anxiety problems since maybe Junior High. Everything has gotten progressively worse (oxymoron?) in the past 7 years, and in the past 10 months it started getting even worse, and it just all blew up in my face.]

....

Thank you for reading such a long post. I appreciate that you took the time to do so.
Two questions: how old is your girlfriend and what kind of bisexual is she? Being bisexual myself I would be leery if she uses it as an excuse to cheat, many guys think they are ok with their girl being with another girl, they find it hot obviously but when it goes outside of the realm of fantasy and into reality they find they are hurt as much as it was with a guy. Being bisexual is not an excuse to be polymorphous, just because you are attracted to both genders dosen't mean you have the compulsion to not be monogomous I myself have never been with another man nor ever will be because I am devoted totally to my wife.

That out of the way I think you should reevaluate your relationship. You screwed up, it dosen't mean that you can't salvage things but you need to take a long hard look at why you did it and maybe you are subconciously telling yourself it is time to move on from this relationship.
 
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