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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was laying in bed last night, listening to my partner tell me that he's going out for a friends birthday (I was invited but I'm not going). I thought to myself 'Who could I go out with on Friday night?'.....
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No one. I have no one. No friends, I know people, but no one that I could call a friend.

Public speaking: No problem
Dancing on stage: No problem
Speaking to someone one on one: PROBLEM
Being in a group of people: PROBLEM

I have a partner, whom I have been with for 3 years.
I have three jobs, all require me to interact with people. I am a Zumba instructor, I work in an all ladies gym, and in retail. I am usually fine when working, yet I cannot make friends.
I cant do small talk, when I do talk to someone, it's usually brief and awkward. I struggle to find things to talk about, most of the time I feel left out of conversation, or what I talk about is of no interest to them. What can I say I have a boring life, nothing to talk about, no reason to be talking really.
I've been like this since about 12years old. Things got bad when I was in high-school, I was bullied, very lonely, depressed, self-injuring and bulimic for about 4 years, during that time I wanted to be alone, and I was.

Everyone my age (20) are out every weekend, have funny stories to tell, they go out with friends all the time. I see their photos go up on facebook and I think 'I wish that could be me'...
I get up, go to work, come home. Repeat. A part of my wants to go out with people, have fun and do all that stuff, but I get so wound up, most of the time I'll end up hiding in the toilets untill its time to leave.
I want to have friends and I want to go out, but I cant. Cant is a bad word. I know that I CAN, but I feel that I cant, I feel that everything will be out of my control, I will get stuck in an awkward situation and have no escape.

I read through some stories from other members and I could relate so much. I'm not alone, yet I am.

-Madi
 

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Welcome to the forum, definenormal. I can identify with a lot of what you say. We CAN work on these things and support each other as we do. One step at a time.
 

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I can relate. In reality, I do know a lot of people, but no one I can really call up and say "hey, do you want to go out?" When I can keep myself busy, I'm usually fine with this but on weekends and during breaks I drive myself absolutely crazy with realizing how shy I actually am and how few people I have close to me in my life.
 

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Welcome, DefineNormal! :)
 

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Hey Madi, welcome to :sas
 
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