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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Last year this girl crushed me really badly............now since then and even before then I have had a crush on this girl who has been in school with me since like 7th grade or so at least that's what I remember.....I have never talked to her before except one time when she told me to go back to playing basketball when i was outside during recess in 8th grade and I attempted to talk to her..... Now my crush on her has grown immensely..... The problem is I am so scared that what happened last year with the girl that crushed me very badly is going to happen yet again.......I cannot talk to my crush because of this..... Both of these girls I see in the same class every day......what do I do......I cannot stand this anymore I have to do something about it I just don't know what......somebody please help.......I have felt like crap about this since last year
 

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You have to embrace your failed relationship as a learning experience. You have to see it positively even if it didn't end well. Pain is a part of life. When you reject pain you also reject life. Embrace the pain and embrace life.
 

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I feel similar, though the depression eased with time. Romance can make you more powerful or useless. It made me the latter. I'd rather focus on myself in positive ways than try to show a facade and be affected by dismissals.
 

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You have to embrace your failed relationship as a learning experience. You have to see it positively even if it didn't end well. Pain is a part of life. When you reject pain you also reject life. Embrace the pain and embrace life.
Wow! Great statement. Very true. Let the pain wash over you, because trying to put it into a little box is only going to make it worse, and you will learn nothing from it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Wow! Great statement. Very true. Let the pain wash over you, because trying to put it into a little box is only going to make it worse, and you will learn nothing from it.
So how can I move on I really would like to get to know the girl I have a crush on but this is somehow holding me back
 

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So how can I move on I really would like to get to know the girl I have a crush on but this is somehow holding me back
I read your post on my thread and my suggestion would be to distance yourself from that girl that hurt you, and go for someone she doesn't hang out with instead of her friend. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, especially after the whole 'pain is the name of the game' thing, and normally I would say it doesn't matter...but I just don't think you're at the point yet where you can handle associating yourself in any way with the girl who hurt you. You talked about how this girl crushed you and this and that, but you made many, many mistakes trying to get closer to her and it's not like she did anything wrong to you. She just didn't feel the same way as you, and based on your very limited interaction with her, I'm not surprised. You should not be so devastated - but at the same time, I've been there, so I understand.

With little experience, it's hard not to crush on people. But a few things for next time:

- don't beat around the bush by commenting on Facebook photos and things like that. some semi-stranger complimenting them is not going to win them over.

- if a girl says she's busy or she can't hang out, don't push it. maybe try 1 more time, and if she gives the same answer, end it. DO NOT pursue. forget about how in love with her you are and focus instead on learning to improve your approach to women based on your previous mistakes.

- if a girl rejects you or seems uninterested, don't act like it's the end of the world. the moment a girl sniffs out that you're completely crushed even though you guys barely had any rapport, that is a huge turnoff and you're basically done. instead, do what I said - forgot and move on to the next one.

- basically, for next time, keep it simple. the approach is to have one or two fun and light conversations with the girl, then next time tell her you think she's cute and ask for her # so you two can go out sometime.

- these intense crushes develop when you fawn over a girl for so long without taking any action. next time, go for it right away, so if a rejection occurs, you're not completely destroyed.

Anything more specific than that, just ask.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I read your post on my thread and my suggestion would be to distance yourself from that girl that hurt you, and go for someone she doesn't hang out with instead of her friend. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, especially after the whole 'pain is the name of the game' thing, and normally I would say it doesn't matter...but I just don't think you're at the point yet where you can handle associating yourself in any way with the girl who hurt you. You talked about how this girl crushed you and this and that, but you made many, many mistakes trying to get closer to her and it's not like she did anything wrong to you. She just didn't feel the same way as you, and based on your very limited interaction with her, I'm not surprised. You should not be so devastated - but at the same time, I've been there, so I understand.

With little experience, it's hard not to crush on people. But a few things for next time:

- don't beat around the bush by commenting on Facebook photos and things like that. some semi-stranger complimenting them is not going to win them over.

- if a girl says she's busy or she can't hang out, don't push it. maybe try 1 more time, and if she gives the same answer, end it. DO NOT pursue. forget about how in love with her you are and focus instead on learning to improve your approach to women based on your previous mistakes.

- if a girl rejects you or seems uninterested, don't act like it's the end of the world. the moment a girl sniffs out that you're completely crushed even though you guys barely had any rapport, that is a huge turnoff and you're basically done. instead, do what I said - forgot and move on to the next one.

- basically, for next time, keep it simple. the approach is to have one or two fun and light conversations with the girl, then next time tell her you think she's cute and ask for her # so you two can go out sometime.

- these intense crushes develop when you fawn over a girl for so long without taking any action. next time, go for it right away, so if a rejection occurs, you're not completely destroyed.

Anything more specific than that, just ask.
I'm only 15 years old......in my high school half of the girls I'm interested in are obnoxious freaks.........this other girl I had a crush on was the last girl that I actually am interested in that was apparently a very nice girl from what I've seen ......there's nobody else left.......I also hardly have any friends and am very socially awkward so yeah.....I don't know what to do........there's nobody else I could even picture myself with ever at my school.....I'm only a sophomore too so I have two more years of this pain.....it sucks so much.....I guess that's it then
 

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I'm only 15 years old......in my high school half of the girls I'm interested in are obnoxious freaks.........this other girl I had a crush on was the last girl that I actually am interested in that was apparently a very nice girl from what I've seen ......there's nobody else left.......I also hardly have any friends and am very socially awkward so yeah.....I don't know what to do........there's nobody else I could even picture myself with ever at my school.....I'm only a sophomore too so I have two more years of this pain.....it sucks so much.....I guess that's it then
Oh. You're 15 haha. Alright well I can't expect you to follow everything I said then, but my best advice in that case would be to take it easy and just try to have fun with a girl. Don't put all of these expectations on every interaction you have. Youre putting far too much pressure on yourself. I was absolutely in the same position, but give it time and things will fall into place.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Oh. You're 15 haha. Alright well I can't expect you to follow everything I said then, but my best advice in that case would be to take it easy and just try to have fun with a girl. Don't put all of these expectations on every interaction you have. Youre putting far too much pressure on yourself. I was absolutely in the same position, but give it time and things will fall into place.
This is the problem I always do that and put too many expectations........... Lately I have just felt like I am stuck in a bubble and am socially isolated from everyone else around me.........I just don't get it........why do I feel like this......... I have never really had a true relationship with a girl and this is because I never get to know a girl.......I just jump right into the situation thinking that she has the same feelings I do and that trying to be in a relationship that is more than friends from the beginning is okay.......this is why every time I screw up big time with a girl...........I just want to change but every time I try some voice inside of me keeps me from doing it........it is almost like I subconsciously enjoy being miserable from all this and don't want to change..........but I really cannot stand this anymore and I really wanted to get to know this girl so that I could take her to my school formal but unfortunately that stupid subconscious feeling that likes how my life is has kept me from talking to her........its weird........I am miserable but yet I won't allow myself to change I don't get it at all
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
This is the problem I always do that and put too many expectations........... Lately I have just felt like I am stuck in a bubble and am socially isolated from everyone else around me.........I just don't get it........why do I feel like this......... I have never really had a true relationship with a girl and this is because I never get to know a girl.......I just jump right into the situation thinking that she has the same feelings I do and that trying to be in a relationship that is more than friends from the beginning is okay.......this is why every time I screw up big time with a girl...........I just want to change but every time I try some voice inside of me keeps me from doing it........it is almost like I subconsciously enjoy being miserable from all this and don't want to change..........but I really cannot stand this anymore and I really wanted to get to know this girl so that I could take her to my school formal but unfortunately that stupid subconscious feeling that likes how my life is has kept me from talking to her........its weird........I am miserable but yet I won't allow myself to change I don't get it at all
Its not a literal voice its more like a feeling
 
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