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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I turned 30 this month. Some things in life I have acheived. Some things not.

I can't believe I have reached this age already. I'm no longer a "young man" now I am just "a man"

I had hoped to be married to my longterm gf/ ex-fiancee by now..but instead I'm in a whole new relationship, starting again from scratch. No kids. Probably won't even have biological children due to health complications in my new partner (no, I won't dump her for just for that, it would be cruel, so don't ask).

I had hoped to be on my way to getting my masters degree. But so far I haven't had success, when applying. I've been in the same job for 4 years with my undergraduate degree.

I had hoped to turn one of my hobbies into a profitable side-gig, but I haven't had success yet.

I've tried writing short stories, but they haven't made any impact, yet.

I find myself reflecting a lot these past few days. What have I acheived in 30 years ? Where have I fallen short ?

Any tips ?
 

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I Am Second
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Don't compare yourself to others or the world. Just make sure you're improving by your own standards.
 

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text ghost
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I try to focus on impermanence and acceptance. The 30 years behind you carry some good memories. Those are the bits of your life that really matter. All you can really do is try the best with what you have. Someday all of us will be gone, even the records of your life that were left behind. =

And if that kind of thing doesn't work for you, then maybe focus on the life you have left. Devote yourself to improving yourself and your skills. Then at least you can look back and see how much progress you made, compared to your old self.
 

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Im 30 too, I thought by now I'd be married, have a house, have a better job, travelled more etc etc
I think alot of it is people's expectations & comparing myself. Doesn't make me happy.

Honestly I'm still trying to be ok with it & I'm even working out if I actually want all that stuff.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Im 30 too, I thought by now I'd be married, have a house, have a better job, travelled more etc etc
I think alot of it is people's expectations & comparing myself. Doesn't make me happy.

Honestly I'm still trying to be ok with it & I'm even working out if I actually want all that stuff.
Yes x10 to the underlined part...the hardest part is learning not comparing yourself to others who have that stuff already.

I don't know if its the SA in me, but it takes a lot of mental effort to keep focused on the good things I've got ...my thought process almost always takes me to my insufficiencies.

eg being jealous of the one person I know who just got married...instead of reflecting on the fact that, I am one of the few ppl my age in the area to own a car that's fully paid for.

Or feeling like a failure because my fiancee left me, instead of being grateful for the new person in my life.

Or me being jealous of the co-workers who just got a scholarship, and immediately after that her mother died....instead of being grateful that my mother is at least still alive.

If I only I could master positive thinking, LOL.
 

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I'm just letting my mind wander on the topic, and have come up with something that at this time make sense. I think it may all come down to competitiveness, most of us are raised in an environment where that mentality is pushed on us. It is great for people who like feeling competitive, and get a thrill out of pushing themselves to be better than others - but for the rest of us it usually just proves to be detrimental. I think that getting out of that mindset, is what ultimately leads to one comparing themselves to others less, which may assist with appreciating the good things one has going for them.

I think ultimately, if we were all living in mud huts, we may likewise get jealous of other people who had a newer set of straw laying upon their roof. I dunno, just letting my mind wander - I like doing that a lot :)

Edit:
Also happy belated birthday 🙃 🎂🕯
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I'm just letting my mind wander on the topic, and have come up with something that at this time make sense. I think it may all come down to competitiveness, most of us are raised in an environment where that mentality is pushed on us. It is great for people who like feeling competitive, and get a thrill out of pushing themselves to be better than others - but for the rest of us it usually just proves to be detrimental. I think that getting out of that mindset, is what ultimately leads to one comparing themselves to others less, which may assist with appreciating the good things one has going for them.

I think ultimately, if we were all living in mud huts, we may likewise get jealous of other people who had a newer set of straw laying upon their roof. I dunno, just letting my mind wander - I like doing that a lot :)

Edit:
Also happy belated birthday 🙃 🎂🕯
Thanks for the birthday greeting.

This is gonna sound bitter but. Someone just told me, "be thankful that you didn't have to waste all that money on the wedding, at least now you got the extra cash to help your parents out."

Which is true....i do have enough to help my parents out. And I might as well help them out, since nothing I've wanted to achieve is making any progress anyway....🙄
 

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You’ve achieved a lot in life so don’t get down on yourself. There is still time for you to achieve your goals too. Just stay positive. I can understand I’m 36 and not married and theres things I’d like to have done by now too. Just keep chipping away at things and don’t waste time overanalysing. Think about what you do have and what you have achieved.
 

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aldehyde dehydrogenaser
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I'm just trying to deal with being over 30.
30 feels so young to me. If you're wondering what you can do to improve, it's probably a good thing as you are not set in your ways and open to trying new things.
 
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