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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I hope I can get some help and responses I am completely been floored with the prospect my daughter may have aspergers, she will be diagnosed this week or next.

When they say aspergers and on the spectrum what does this term mean. I am totally unknowing of the subject and the little I think I may know, ends in confusion.

She is 14 and a half has very lttle social interaction even though she has two friends, she barely speaks with them. She sees a therapist for social anxiety, but she has jingles she chants to death, like annoying ads.
She has conversatons in her room with two others, but she is the only one in the room.
To me it was like she is rehearsing how she would like her social interactions to be like and practises being in an active social life.
When she was much younger everything she said, the last word would be repeated twice, but much in a whisper, like she was fascinated with the word.
If you told her, the aliens were coming tommorow, she would believe you without a doubt.
She takes everything literally. She is really immature for 14 and half years and will kiss her teddy about 200 times a day, but sometimes less on others and still does the talking for him, cute and sweet once upon a time, but now that I have had aspergers mentioned to me by therapist, not so cute anymore.

I am hoping she only has social anxiety and not both with aspergers on top, not fun to have either. I dont want people treating her any different. They already know she doesnt speak much, and people have stopped trying to be social with her.
As a student with aspergers can you be private about it, or does the whole school system end up finding out and having a label on you.

I really would love some information of the people who understand, are experiencing it.

My husband googles aspergers went through the symptoms and said no, none of this applies to her, and those symptoms were different, worded differently. He is in denial or simply doens want to know. I can understand him wanting to do this, but its not practical .
 

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Sounds like it could be a bit more intense than asperger's, which is only mild autism, considering you say she is really immature for 14 and kisses her teddy. To me this doesn't sound like asperger's either.
 

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Females display different symptoms to males, for Aspergers and autism. You should read up on female Aspergers, and female autism and see if those symptoms fit. I got a book out from the library which is called Aspergirls by Rudy Simone, it's really good, it has a chart of female Aspergers traits, and a list of ways that females differ from males.
 

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Does she have any sensory issues that are very noticeable?
Does she have a lot of difficulty understanding social rules/cues?

Here is an interesting graph you might find useful to help you differentiate SAD from Asperger's:
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Females display different symptoms to males, for Aspergers and autism. You should read up on female Aspergers, and female autism and see if those symptoms fit. I got a book out from the library which is called Aspergirls by Rudy Simone, it's really good, it has a chart of female Aspergers traits, and a list of ways that females differ from males.
This is helpful, I will look that book up at my local library, thankyou:)
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Does she have any sensory issues that are very noticeable?
Does she have a lot of difficulty understanding social rules/cues?

Here is an interesting graph you might find useful to help you differentiate SAD from Asperger's:
I dont know what you mean by sensor issues, can you offer any examples?

She does have problems with rules and cues socially.

Thanks for the graph, that explains a few things for me.:)
 

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I'm not really sure why you would be upset to find out she has aspergers. I mean, I guess I understand it, but I think you're looking at it the wrong way. You already can see that she is behaving in an anti-social way, and is immature for her age. If anything, a correct diagnosis will help you get the aids she needs, and move in a positive direction. Even though people fear being labeled a certain way, sometimes labels can help people understand things, and actually make them more accepting. People might make fun of "that weird kid," but if they know that kid has aspergers, it becomes less socially acceptable to make fun of them for it. However, I also think that it would be up to your daughter to decide if she wants to tell people about her aspergers (if that's what it is), and if she doesn't want to that's okay too. But if she does have it you shouldn't shame her into keeping it a secret, because really everything is better when you can be honest about yourself and not hiding from everyone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I'm not really sure why you would be upset to find out she has aspergers. I mean, I guess I understand it, but I think you're looking at it the wrong way. You already can see that she is behaving in an anti-social way, and is immature for her age. If anything, a correct diagnosis will help you get the aids she needs, and move in a positive direction. Even though people fear being labeled a certain way, sometimes labels can help people understand things, and actually make them more accepting. People might make fun of "that weird kid," but if they know that kid has aspergers, it becomes less socially acceptable to make fun of them for it. However, I also think that it would be up to your daughter to decide if she wants to tell people about her aspergers (if that's what it is), and if she doesn't want to that's okay too. But if she does have it you shouldn't shame her into keeping it a secret, because really everything is better when you can be honest about yourself and not hiding from everyone.
I realise one of my main concern in all this, is I am fearful of her becoming a target for being bullied.

In her primary school years she was consistently bullied for two years by a girl 4 times her size. It was heart breaking to see the change and effect it had on who she was.

She changed after this.

I guess I am being cynical and assuming the people in her age group are all insensitive and mean and will target and bully her.

I am hyper about her being bullied and am greatful that she hasnt been targeted in high school.

I completely accept her and love her anyway she is.

I guess I should try and keep my fears on an even keel and if she feels comfortable and safe in disclosing, I will just have to accept that and reassure myself and trust my daughter .

I have my own issues perhaps that may get in the way.

I appreciate you offering me to see this in another light:)
 

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I agree with what cellophane said. There should be no shame in having a diagnosis of Asperger's. I wish I had been diagnosed earlier. It may have helped me with my social skills, but the syndrome wasn't very well recognized when I was growing up.

I will say you have to be careful who you reveal it to. Some ignorant people will use the label against her (or you - thinking that you are to blame) They would be completely wrong of course.
 

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Does she have any obsessions or rituals? Does she have difficult with change? Does she have any repetitive body movements like hand flapping or rocking or hand wringing? Does she tend to focus on the details than on the overall picture? Is she a concrete thinker? Does she have a hard time expressing her feelings or reading body language and other non verbal cues?

All these are characteristics of Asperger's.
 

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I dont know what you mean by sensor issues, can you offer any examples?

She does have problems with rules and cues socially.

Thanks for the graph, that explains a few things for me.:)
My siggy has a link for checklist for Sensory Processing Disorder. People on the autism spectrum generally have sensory issues, but not everyone with SPD has autism.

My older son has SPD, as well as anxiety. He is mostly sensory defensive. I give the example that his volume is set too high. The sun in his eyes too bright, the vacuum cleaner too loud, a light unexpected touch is felt as an attack. He wouldn't eat hot food for a couple of years (I cooked it then put in freezer for 5 mins). Doesn't tolerate hugs. All these things caused him to have meltdowns. When he was younger and got overwhelmed in school, he would just freeze like a deer in headlights. Very quiet.

He was late with all his milestones, crawled at 10 months, walked at 16 months, didn't say many words until 3 years. He was always slow-to-warm in new situations, would sit back and watch instead of joining in. He struggles in social situations. But he is a rule follower, takes most everything literally. He goes to a weekly social skills group with three other boys.

ETA: he has a very hard time with transitions and new situations. Very resistant to change. If we alter from his usual routine, he has a meltdown.

My younger son has milder SPD, but he is a sensory seeker. His volume is too low. He wants more. Constantly moving, climbing, jumping, crashing, spinning. Has to touch everything. Can't sit still. He loves big bear hugs. Gives hugs and kisses all day long. Talks nonstop. He doesn't have the social issues or anxiety.

I think the diagnosis will be a good thing for your daughter. She'll get the services she needs to succeed. She should get an IEP at school to accommodate her needs. The kids already know what she's like (if she's been in the same school/town for a while). The label won't change things and you/she doesn't have to tell the kids at school. Find autism support forums. I'm on a SPD support forum and it's nice to have someone who understands.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks for all the help and information, it gives me support go forward, I am in denial and dont always want to deal with it, school still hasnt got their act together in getting all the people together to diagnose as yet. If they take much longer I will email the psychologist and get things moving.

Since my daughter was 6 months old she would clench her fists really tightly against her cheeks and then as she got older it changed but the same kind of thing would happen.

She did the clenching hands and arms against her chest in primary school and now its changed to only at home with hand fluttering and face contortions.
She told me it makes her feel happy and tight. If she is bored and tired she wont do it, I assumed she only did these things cause she couldnt contain her excitement over something great.

She does want to know how things will pan out with an activity especially if its out of home, wants to know what to do, where I will be, and if I will get her.

I am really concerned at her obsession with teddy, it looks really bizarre, she can kiss him about 70 times a day.

She has strange behaviours with food, texture, lumps, fat sinue and grissle. Jelly is too wobbly, but she has never had a meltdown, just complains excessively.

Is saying ads and jingles too death a part of aspergers?

I am not going to wait for these professionals to do their job I will act on it at the start of the week, if I let it go, I see not much happening till the new year.

Thanks for understanding
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
What about asking a medical professional. Like a... Uh... Doctor?!
Well, apparently it will be at least 6 people who will make the diagnosis, one of them will be a doctor.
 

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i know this sounds sad

i need someone to talk too. i moved too a different country an d left all my friends behind me. and i mean mean my friends were my life, i moved to my partners home place which as assume is a dream, dont get me wrong, lovely place ireland, had twin boys 6 and girl 4, everyones dream... but i hate this place and him so depresed he wont let me go shop do anything, any contact to england to really bug him, but as the years have gone on the bested mates i wished and hoped would contact me slowed down then stopped so what the hell . love to meet someone online to talk and get things off there chest.. ps should be in england on a friends 40th but he wont let me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

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Is saying ads and jingles too death a part of aspergers?
Yes, it's a verbal stim.

I have Asperger's. The sooner you diagnose and/or find out more about the disorder, the better so you can work on ways of helping her. Many girls with Asperger's slip through the cracks and go undiagnosed. I didn't find out I have it until last year. It absolutely sucks going through life feeling different and having no explanation for it.
 
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