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:yay Hello everyone!


I have been scared out of my MIND these past few days, waking up in a sweat, dizzy & frantic. :puke All because one of my (former) friends invited me to her graduation at my old school.

I literally was petrified, feeling like everything had to be "just right" & "perfect". I didn't feel like i would look good enough...or say the right things, etc. All this pressure i was putting on myself made me crazy. & of course, i did everything last minute which didn't help. But my point is - I WENT! I really felt like i had to go for my own well being - i had built them(the people & the place) up in my mind, as if they were bigger then life. i used to tip toe around town, keeping my eyes on the ground just terrified at seeing a familiar face. So i felt like i needed to look them all in the eyes & just say...yeah, you're human. you're not any better then me, & i have nothing to prove.

Honestly, it felt so good just facing the fear instead of running away from it. I mean, i'm still overanalyzing every word i said, & it's still really hard to just let myself be happy, or optimistic about anything positive - It's almost too easy to let the experience make me depressed again. Seeing everyone with their lives & relationships & friendships made me feel like i really had nothing - but i'm just trying to focus on reminding myself that it was a huge accomplishment just showing my face. & i even managed to have a few conversations!

Anyway, i just wanted to write this post hoping that maybe it could be a little tiny inspiration to someone else...I know that i get tons of inspiration just from reading some of the posts on this board.
 

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Work_in_progress,

Way to go! About the overanalyzing part, yep, it's the SA! The conversations are over and done with, and we worry about how we did for days after the fact. Trust me, they're not doing the same. You did alright and should have nothing to do but relax and know that you did well.
 

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Wow, I like what you said about facing your fears. Nothing's going to get better if we keep hiding. Glad you had a good time at the graduation!
 
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