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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've been looking for ways to think positively about a situation im in. There's a girl ive liked and we're finally going out (yes i got over the part about asking). However, maybe its because of my SA, but ive always got a feeling like im gonna lose her. now i know its probably normal to think this, but im feeling kinda over the top about it, and always second guessing all of her actions.

im scared, and i need to think positive. help?
 

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I've been in this situation twice now, Drum. What I can tell you, is that the constant feeling of losing that person I was involved with is the same reason why I lost that person. As you say, you second guess her actions. I did that too.

If I could go back in time, I would have just let things flow. If things are going to end because it was going to happen anyway, then there is nothing I can do. But, I know now that starting fights and second guessing because of the way i was feeling put an end to my relationships. At the very least, it shortend the life of the relationship.

Do waste the energy of worrying about it ending. Try to focus on the moment at hand. Have you ever noticed when you are driving or walking, and you start looking to the right or left side of the street, you start slowly drifting in that direction? Same thing here. Dont dwell on it, think about the good times to come and you will certainly get the most out of the relationship.
 

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Drumbum, Phantastic,

Phantastic's response would not only fit relationships, but SA in general. We stop the flow with our panic and worry. When we let it flow, things might actually pass without a problem! We shouldn't worry about things we cannot control.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Phantastic said:
But, I know now that starting fights and second guessing because of the way i was feeling put an end to my relationships. At the very least, it shortend the life of the relationship.
Thats the thing. I haven't said anything, fought about anything etc, and its pretty much flowing, but its all mental for me. I can't get over it, and it makes me mad/confused. I just want to let it flow in my head as well as in life.
 

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i had a moment the other day when i voiced concerns along the lines of yours and the person simply replied "you think too much...". so then i was kind of quiet and a little upset and she said "but thats better than not thinking...." Now when i get in that situation her words echo in my head for a minute... and they kind of help...

also... i thought you all have really good advice.
 

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my problem is i dont express my feelings and likes and dislikes. Then i am upset or feel hurt because the person that i am involved with doesnt know how i feel. But i always want to know how they feel and be very careful with their feelings because i always feel hurt. I realize now that it is not their fault that i cant express myself it is mine. They are not the one with the problem i am, so i have to tell them and then if they still behave the same way then i know they are not for me because they dont respect my feeling no way, but i cant feel like they dont respect my feelings if i dont tell them what they are.
The challenge is telling them
 

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yea i have a similar problem really... I voice my likes a lot.. but i don't really voice my opinion that much if i don't like something. I like to think i am a really open minded person because i enjoy different perspectives and different things, but i realize that you have to speak your mind even if you keep it open. In a relationship it helps if you can figure out how to express what you think but still be open to the other perspective. agree to disagree..
 

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One of the best tidbits of advice that I have heard is to always suspect the best in the other person. If you are going to be suspicious of something, why not be suspicious in a good way! I know how easy it is to take things the wrong way and expect to be rejected (story of my life, unfortunately) and it has done a lot of damage in my marriage. Things go so much more smoothly when I stop and think to myself, "Ok it's easy to think that he meant (fill in the blank negative statement) but that's probably not what he meant." Then I try to look at it in a different light and see how he might have meant it in a different, more positive way. It never hurts to assume the best about another person's motives (unless of course they are abusive, but that's another story). Also, when I assume the best I am usually right!

Hope that helps!
 
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