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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'll keep it as short as I can. A lot of my SA was based on the way I was treated for my appearance, but especially the way I was treated by women for my appearance. My feeling was always that, "Well, if I want more guy friends, that's easy...just find more regular, somewhat introverted, or loser type of guys," because at the core, that's who I am regardless of appearance. I'm not a bar/club/party type of guy, so finding guy friends, if I wanted them, was always easy. I found guys who were both like myself and didn't judge me, or judge me nearly as much.

But as far as women, I took even slightest negative look from a woman...it didn't matter if she was hideous and overweight...I considered her opinion, or possible opinion, relevant. I wanted to be a guy that wives checked out and girls with their boyfriends right next to them checked out, and I was the guy that wives and girls with boyfriends laughed at due to my appearance or body language or both.

When I accepted that I wasn't someone like Brad Pitt or Pierce Brosnan, changed my goal from wanting to be a great looking, suave, smooth talker to wanting to be as happy with myself on the outside as I possibly could...I got a new wardrobe, put on weight and became less scrawny...that's when the changes happened. When I saw myself as a "not bad" looking guy, I stopped caring what women may or may not think. A very attractive woman could walk by me and laugh at me or look down on me (I don't see why she would, especially with my improved outfits/body language and haircut) and it wouldn't affect me or prevent me from talking to another woman, simply because I accepted that I wasn't God's gift to women, and became happy with who I was on the outside. I already liked myself on the inside, so turning on the switch as far as outside appearance went was easy.

This will help across the board, too, not just with women. You'll be able to live your life, not caring what random people think about your looks. If you changed what could be changed, you probably feel better about yourself already, and if you look halfway decent looking, people will notice the change anyway, and the people that don't, f--- them. Even Brad Pitt has critics.

So basically, 1.)Make the decision that your current mode of thinking is unhealthy, 2.)Changed what can be changed, 3.)Be happy with the changes and move on with life and base your self-esteem on other things besides your looks and women.
 

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I have a healthy self esteem not because of my appearance but because of my actions. I do good things. I help people. My actions make me feel good about myself. Looks are superficial.
 

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I was overweight during high school. Which undoubtedly contributed to my isolation and anxiety. After high school, I lost a ton of weight, put on quite a bit of muscle and am now in much better shape than the average guy.

Throughout high school I had always assumed that if I could just lose the weight, I'd be brimming with self-confidence. Yet, now I find myself still struggling with my self-confidence. Looks really aren't my issue, I suppose. I really don't know what is. I just can't seem to shake the anxiety and lack of confidence, and it's so frustrating.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
You're missing my point. Once I stopped caring whether or not I was good looking and what women did or didn't think about me, that's when I met a great looking woman with a great personality. The only reason we aren't official yet is because we haven't made love yet and I don't buy a car before a test drive.

My point is that, my social anxiety was based on the idea "If one girl doesn't like me, most or all won't like me." When I stopped caring whether I looked like Brad Pitt or Jack Black, and stopped dressing and acting mediocre and low in confidence, that's when I started getting over my SA and started meeting women.
 
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