Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
unashamed perv
Joined
·
1,786 Posts
I try to understand how they're feeling, questions I ask are to help me understand them. If you want to disagree or criticise:

-somebody's feelings are always real to them. It's not helpful to say "that's just stupid, why are you upset over that?" It may be appropriate to gently point out when a feeling they have is irrational.

- Criticism should be specific and helpful; never say "you're a selfish person," but rather "that was a selfish thing to do."

-Always sandwich a negative between two positives, such as "you're usually really kind. I think what you did was selfish, but nobody's perfect, and it's good that you realised something was wrong, you're very perceptive."

I ain't no shrink, but that's my two pence worth :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
163 Posts
Don't know how.

Sucks being an apathetic robot.......hah, but my motto is "don't talk about problems don't listen"


On a serious note.....you can't fake you are listening to anybody. I mean you can...but there's really no point to it. Either you are actually interested or not.....there's nothing cruel about it. I am slowly learning that I am somewhat human when it comes to certain people that I enjoy(even relative strangers) and will listen to their problems and actually be empathetic to some degree; while listening to a certain cousin or friend I've known for a long time that I don't really prefer can be a hassle........

just my two cents(robot)
 

·
MayTheForceBeWithYou
Joined
·
19,559 Posts
I don't know how to, but i usually let them speak before i pitch my side or my thoughts. sometimes its best to help just to let them speak if they need venting or just need someone to talk to. most of my experience you can help a person with just listening to his /or her situations.

let yourself be a tape recorder and just absorb things in, you don't have to react or anything of that nature unless he /or she asks a question or seeks advice. before you actually give that person your answer/or suggestion just think first before you speak. find the right words or phase to communicate to him or her.

if you are currently busy, don't brush him or her away so quickly, just calm say that you are leaving, and tell them to write things out, and email you, sometimes they just writing things out may also help him / or her out.

anyway, those are my two cents, i hope this helps. best of luck, and let us know updates on your progress.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
40 Posts
Be interessted, if you arent interessted in their issues they most probably will recognize. Often much more important is your facial expression, the look in your eyes that tells people. Show affection, like being suprised, signs of empathy. Ask from time to time questions that you would like to know, if something is not clear to you ask straight for it, or if you wonder why she/he did this and not that, something like that.
show approval only if you REALLY approve, do NOT seek for it.
depending on the people show direct that you disagree or try to say it nicely.

Hope this was help, and remember roverred: if you dont wanna her it, dont borther anyway.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
94 Posts
Be interessted, if you arent interessted in their issues they most probably will recognize. Often much more important is your facial expression, the look in your eyes that tells people. Show affection, like being suprised, signs of empathy. Ask from time to time questions that you would like to know, if something is not clear to you ask straight for it, or if you wonder why she/he did this and not that, something like that.
show approval only if you REALLY approve, do NOT seek for it.
depending on the people show direct that you disagree or try to say it nicely.

Hope this was help, and remember roverred: if you dont wanna her it, dont borther anyway.
Yes this was always true. And its important to show empathy. Even if you can't help them get through with their problems the thought that you show empathy and listen to them is a big help to lessen up their burden.
 

·
Dude
Joined
·
604 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Okay thanks for the replies everyone. I'll try to keep these in mind. I think i have most trouble with disagreeing, especially when they're looking for support.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top