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Hi. This is going to be awhile, but I really just need to type all this out or I think I'm going to go crazy.

My parents always said that making friends is easy, and all you have to do is be yourself, but that's just not true. It really isn't. I used to hang around these kids in elementary and middle school, but they mostly just kept me around to bully me. I couldn't really do anything because I never really had anywhere else to go. I talked to some people in middle school but they only talked to me when they had nothing else to do. Now, I'm in high school, and I had quite a few friends, but they only kept me around for answers on homework, classwork, and all that.

Nobody ever responds to me on Facebook. Not like posting statues or pictures or anything like that, but if I post "Hey, how are you?" on someone's wall, they either completely ignore it or delete the post.

The absolute worst thing is, I began to sit with a few uncool kids, like me, in the hopes I could actually make friends. And the other day, I sit down to eat with them, and they tell me they all voted and now they voted off the table.

I just hate everything. I'm so angry and bitter at everything and everyone. Every second every day I'm just sad and angry and bitter and I constantly think about all the bad things they ever done to me. Everything is just so frustrating. I'm officially the nerd to what nerds are to normal people. I absolutely hate everything. Does anyone know how to cope with this? I already feel like I'm molding into a bitter, old man. Is there anyway to stop it?
 

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Severed member
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Instead of looking to other people, you should look within yourself for your strength. I say "your strength" because I believe you have it...it's just a matter of finding it. I think everyone has it. Having confidence in yourself will make your life much better than constantly looking to other people for justification. You dont need their opinion to know if you're a good person...you dont need their approval, ect...

Sorry to hear that they didnt want you to sit at their table, but thats their right. Nobody has to like you. Do you like everyone you meet? For every person that doesnt like you, there may be 2 people that do. Who knows, but when you're comfortable in your own skin is when your "status" moves to the back burner and you start focusing on the things that DO matter.
 

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electric
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I really found few kids I liked and who liked me too until I was in college. I wasn't that social or anything, but there was a noticeable leap in maturity and likelihood of positive social experiences.

Even with that I still feel so different from pretty much everyone, including the nerdy. What a joke to say "just be yourself". You can say that to calm someone down and lead them to believe (accurately) that they don't have to worry or obsess about things, but that sure as **** doesn't mean you'll make anything resembling a friendship with anyone.
 

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Hi. This is going to be awhile, but I really just need to type all this out or I think I'm going to go crazy.

My parents always said that making friends is easy, and all you have to do is be yourself, but that's just not true. It really isn't. I used to hang around these kids in elementary and middle school, but they mostly just kept me around to bully me. I couldn't really do anything because I never really had anywhere else to go. I talked to some people in middle school but they only talked to me when they had nothing else to do. Now, I'm in high school, and I had quite a few friends, but they only kept me around for answers on homework, classwork, and all that.

Nobody ever responds to me on Facebook. Not like posting statues or pictures or anything like that, but if I post "Hey, how are you?" on someone's wall, they either completely ignore it or delete the post.

The absolute worst thing is, I began to sit with a few uncool kids, like me, in the hopes I could actually make friends. And the other day, I sit down to eat with them, and they tell me they all voted and now they voted off the table.

I just hate everything. I'm so angry and bitter at everything and everyone. Every second every day I'm just sad and angry and bitter and I constantly think about all the bad things they ever done to me. Everything is just so frustrating. I'm officially the nerd to what nerds are to normal people. I absolutely hate everything. Does anyone know how to cope with this? I already feel like I'm molding into a bitter, old man. Is there anyway to stop it?
When I had SA, that's the same exact thing my friends and family told me. "Just be yourself". I didn't fully understand it at the time. But now, looking back, that's all I needed to do. Being ourselves doesn't mean that if we are shy, then we should just settle for it and not try to change at all. Be yourself means be your best self. This means we recognize our good qualities and let them shine through to other people. It means we don't have to try so hard to fit in. We recognize that we are a unique individual, and we have something to offer to the world. If someone rejects you, who gives a s***. You're an awesome person, and it's their problem that they rejected you, not yours.

There is no such thing as a superior or an inferior person. It's only an illusion created by our minds. We are all different, but we have a lot more similarities than we think. Stop comparing yourself with other people. Most times we only see the positive things in the other person. "Oh he has a nice car, lots of friends, a hot girlfriend, etc." We don't really know everything that's going on in their lives. He could be in a huge debt, or he and his girlfriend fight all the time. So stop making assumptions. It will just drain your energy

Don't believe everything your mind tells you. If someone "ignores" you on facebook, there could be a lot of reasons they did that. If someone deletes your comments, then that just tells you this person is not worthy to be your friend and you no longer have to waste time with this person. Try to look at everything in a positive light.

Hope this helps you out a bit.
 

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I am sorry that you are in this position. I expect that you are going to school with a group of people who have known you for a long time, and have gotten stuck in a 'reputation' that is hard to shake. Unfortunately this is why a LOT of people hated part of their school years - never think you are the only person who has or is going through this because it is more common than you think. I wish I had some magic advice for you, but unfortunately I dont know what you can do to remedy how other people see you, when you dont have the luxury of finding new people to hang around. It will probably be hard, but use this time to focus on developing your personal inner strength...develop a keen sense of independence that will serve you well in the future when all the other kids cant do anything on their own without having friends around. Know that a lot of people who went through periods like this in their life end up being very smart, successful and compassionate - skills that will take you further as an adult than any high school friendships likely will. Good Luck and stay focused on the light at the end of the tunnel....
 

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In my experience, being true to yourself means not just looking at the things that are "good" in you, but it more importantly means owning the things you have learned to disown through painful experiences. If people are saying hurtful things to you, its easy to say "shake it off kid, they're opinion doesn't matter to you." But in reality, it IS killing you on the inside. So let that be acknowledged in yourself. Let your pain, your story around your pain, and your circumstance be recognized. Maybe you feel unworthiness, inadequacy, or frustration when your friends make fun of you. This may take some practicing when your alone. But eventually I learned to feel my hurt even in front of people, and that in turn would make them realize that they were treating me unjustly.

The more you try to resist bad feelings, the more bitter, lifeless, and hardened you will feel.
 

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When I had SA, that's the same exact thing my friends and family told me. "Just be yourself". I didn't fully understand it at the time. But now, looking back, that's all I needed to do. Being ourselves doesn't mean that if we are shy, then we should just settle for it and not try to change at all. Be yourself means be your best self. This means we recognize our good qualities and let them shine through to other people. It means we don't have to try so hard to fit in. We recognize that we are a unique individual, and we have something to offer to the world. If someone rejects you, who gives a s***. You're an awesome person, and it's their problem that they rejected you, not yours.

There is no such thing as a superior or an inferior person. It's only an illusion created by our minds. We are all different, but we have a lot more similarities than we think. Stop comparing yourself with other people. Most times we only see the positive things in the other person. "Oh he has a nice car, lots of friends, a hot girlfriend, etc." We don't really know everything that's going on in their lives. He could be in a huge debt, or he and his girlfriend fight all the time. So stop making assumptions. It will just drain your energy

Don't believe everything your mind tells you. If someone "ignores" you on facebook, there could be a lot of reasons they did that. If someone deletes your comments, then that just tells you this person is not worthy to be your friend and you no longer have to waste time with this person. Try to look at everything in a positive light.

Hope this helps you out a bit.
Heck even this helped me. Especially the first paragraph. Thank you so much.
 

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SASsy
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Hey dude,

Don't worry about it. You won't see most of those people again after you graduate anyway. As you get older, people will be more mature and all that "cliqish" crap in high school will be a distant memory.
 
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