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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been crying for so long now because I found a photo of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend and she was stunning, big boobs, cleavage always out, it got loads of notes and positive comments on Tumblr (where i found it). She's basically the perfect woman.

I am just an awkward, lanky, skinny, flat-chested, ugly girl with thin, awkward hair, a weird-shaped body, self-harming scars everywhere. I hate myself with a passion. My boyfriend and I are close to splitting up, or pretty much have really, and he's admitted that this other girl is more attractive than me and that everybody thinks so.

I'm never going to find love ever again. How can I? I'm ugly and socially-awkward. I was actually doing well recently. I've taken up yoga, started eating healthier and looking after myself more. But now i'm thinking, what's the point?? Nothing is going to change how ugly I am and it's all my body's fault i look this way anyway so why the **** should I treat it well? Stupid body.

I hate how skinny I am. I hate my tiny tiny boobs. I hate my hair and my face and my whole look is just a joke. "Real women have curves"- yes! I agree! And therefore I am not a real woman, and I don't even have a cute face to make up for it. I'm just stuck in the ugly ditch with no way out.

I'm never going to have a family- maybe if someone is ever stupid enough to let me love them and be with them someday- i'd consider adoption, but seriously, having my own kids is completely out of the question because I'm terrified they'd end up looking like me and be just as depressed. Especially if they're girls and I give them the lanky-flat-chested look. I could never forgive myself. I guess I'm one of evolutions mistakes and therefore I shouldn't breed lol.

Yeah i'm intelligent and stuff. I'm doing well at uni. But all this shallow stuff is just disheartening me so much. I think "well i'll just work on making my soul more beautiful" and so people will look beyond my appearance. But at the end of the day, female objectification is everywhere. How the hell does someone like me survive in all of this? Because I'm unattractive and a woman, i am worthless. There's no place in society for me.

I want to die. There seems to be no hope or future for me. I should be at the university library now working on my dissertation but i've been crying so much i have a massive headache now and cba. This is forever going to ruin any progress I make.

As an ugly woman- how the hell do you cope?? I really wanna just not care but it's so difficult and I can't help but compare myself to everybody.
 

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Stop comparing yourself to others you are fine as you.

Being Pettanko is fine your boyfriend just needs to be dumped and you need to find a guy who likes for your skinny frame. The way I see it unless you have bad health you are alright.

small boobs are good too. Stop putting so much importance on your appearance grow up and realize there is more to do then just look pretty.

INB4 my post means absolutely zilch
 

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Ugh! Reading this made me so sad :/ I'm sure you're a beautiful girl but beauty is only within the eyes of the beholder.

PM me if you need a friend, hun. I understand where you're coming from and I'm kind of in a similar situation.

For now, I just hope, that it gets better, and it will.
 

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Don't get involved with men..be grateful for company of family..that is what truly ugly people are limited to.
I don't care much for relationships cause it's unfair to get attached.
Besides that ugly or not love barely exists for anyone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for the responses, i feel bad for taking up people's time now lol. But thank you it means a lot and I want to take your advice :)
Also, i have been in bad relationships non-stop for 4 years now: i need a break. Or to stop completely. Maybe they're just not for me. I wish my family were closer or I had actual friends to hang out with though :/
 

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I tend to be very negative about myself as well. I am kinda heavy and I never really try to make myself look better. The thing is to learn to accept ourselves as we are. Easier said then done I know, so many expectations and we're under so much pressure to look like "the perfect" girl. It's everywhere, TV, movies magazines, billboards. Everywhere you look you see beautiful people and it's a constant reminder of who we are and who we can never be. I myself have such a hard time with the comparison of myself to others and that's the problem, we will always find people who are better looking but also others who like us think they are inferior. It will never end and will only cause us to feel less of a person. Being how I'm on the same boat as you, all I can tell you is to focus on the good.

Beauty shouldn’t be about changing yourself to achieve an ideal or be more socially acceptable. Real beauty, the interesting, truly pleasing kind, is about honoring the beauty within you and without you. It’s about knowing that someone else’s definition of pretty has no hold over you.
 

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I tend to be very negative about myself as well. I am kinda heavy and I never really try to make myself look better. The thing is to learn to accept ourselves as we are. Easier said then done I know, so many expectations and we're under so much pressure to look like "the perfect" girl. It's everywhere, TV, movies magazines, billboards. Everywhere you look you see beautiful people and it's a constant reminder of who we are and who we can never be. I myself have such a hard time with the comparison of myself to others and that's the problem, we will always find people who are better looking but also others who like us think they are inferior. It will never end and will only cause us to feel less of a person. Being how I'm on the same boat as you, all I can tell you is to focus on the good.

Beauty shouldn't be about changing yourself to achieve an ideal or be more socially acceptable. Real beauty, the interesting, truly pleasing kind, is about honoring the beauty within you and without you. It's about knowing that someone else's definition of pretty has no hold over you.
pls stop caring it is the wonders of photoshop that makes look good
 

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As I guy I think looks are rather overrated, but they are tough to ignore. Sometimes I worry that the internet and reliance on jpg's is making it even more overrated. Especially that a photo is so static and people can practically apply a mental protractor to all the angles and curves. I've noticed in some cultures they teach women to change their facial expression and gracefully move their heads and bodys so you can't fixate on their looks so critically.
Personally I think a girl that can move gracefully really makes me notice. I go to a pool a lot and the girls that can do a good flip turn gets my attention. A pretty girl that is uncoordinated and awkward generally makes me laugh. it seems like it something that anyone can get better at.
 

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Rather than learning to cope with being an "ugly woman," wouldn't it be easier to start looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing someone (at the very least) decent looking? That way there's nothing you have to 'cope' with.
 

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You've got to learn self acceptance. If you never learn anything else in your life self acceptance is the one thing that you want learn and internalize. Read any book you can get your hands on the subject. I personally feel like Buddhism has some really good books on self acceptance.

Once you're working on that remember this:

1. He's with you for a reason and not with her. If things were so great with her he'd still be with her.

2. Not everybody likes big boobed bimbos. Some guys like skinny lanky girls, some guys like thick chubby girls, some guys like big butts, some guys like small boobs....if everybody was the same the world would suck. Love who you are. Not everybody is gonna like you but that's okay. You don't love every guy you see walking around do you? Does that mean there is something wrong with them? Of course not, it's just not your preference.

3. Remember that everybody has flaws. EVERYBODY. Focus on what you like about yourself and be compassionate with the "flaws" that you think you have.
 

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I think personally the most attractive thing is personality followed by intelligence. Everything else is secondary and subjective. :) You probably aren't that bad if you've actually been in relationships. I've been dating the same girl for 3 years and been steady. :) No need to rush anything like society wants.
 

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I can relate, I'm a fuly motherf***** myself and I hate everything about my physical appearance. It's always irked me how much worth is placed on a woman's appearance. It feels that no matter what I do or what I achieve in life, it isn't going to amount to much anyway since people only appreciate attractive or average women.

I'm not really sure what advice to give since I find it hard to cope myself, though I have come to terms with it in recent years. I'm still not happy about it by any means, but I've learnt to accept that there's nothing I can do about it so I might as well just focus on other things.
Hobbies have been a God-send to me, they're a good way to distract and enjoy yourself, definitely helps to keep your mind off those bleak thoughts, especially if you really get into something so that even when you're not doing it, you're be too busy thinking about whatever it you enjoy doing to dwell too much on negative thoughts.
 

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if your ex's gf is soo perfect like your description, won't you actually still be in her league? Or at least you're not that far from her, look wise.
 

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Sounds like this boyfriend of yours was an *******. Don't ever tell yourself someone looks better than you, who cares? she shows her cleavage? Thats a sign of an attention ***** if you ask me, a girl who shows their cleavage in every single photo they take, is just seeking someones attention, Just because you don't have big boobs, just because you have some scars, doesn't mean you aren't beautiful. If you aren't comfortable with how you look, there is always going to be room to change, yoga was a great step for you, I honestly think you don't need to do all these different things to make yourself look pretty in your eyes, I think you probably are truly pretty, and your self esteem is just so low, that you can't see it with your own eyes, but I'm damn sure other people are able to see your beauty. Keep your head up.
 

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You whole value as a human being is not defined by your appearance; everyone has a heart and a mind, you're not just a face, a pair of breasts and a butt, and even if others judge and define you by it you should never do the same to yourself.

Yeah, being unattractive it's undoubtedly a disadvantage in life, no one can really deny that, but do such a massive disservice to yourself by falling into the idea that a woman's value is defined by nothing but her appearance.
 

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I have been crying for so long now because I found a photo of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend and she was stunning, big boobs, cleavage always out, it got loads of notes and positive comments on Tumblr (where i found it). She's basically the perfect woman.

I am just an awkward, lanky, skinny, flat-chested, ugly girl with thin, awkward hair, a weird-shaped body, self-harming scars everywhere. I hate myself with a passion. My boyfriend and I are close to splitting up, or pretty much have really, and he's admitted that this other girl is more attractive than me and that everybody thinks so.

I'm never going to find love ever again. How can I? I'm ugly and socially-awkward. I was actually doing well recently. I've taken up yoga, started eating healthier and looking after myself more. But now i'm thinking, what's the point?? Nothing is going to change how ugly I am and it's all my body's fault i look this way anyway so why the **** should I treat it well? Stupid body.

I hate how skinny I am. I hate my tiny tiny boobs. I hate my hair and my face and my whole look is just a joke. "Real women have curves"- yes! I agree! And therefore I am not a real woman, and I don't even have a cute face to make up for it. I'm just stuck in the ugly ditch with no way out.

I'm never going to have a family- maybe if someone is ever stupid enough to let me love them and be with them someday- i'd consider adoption, but seriously, having my own kids is completely out of the question because I'm terrified they'd end up looking like me and be just as depressed. Especially if they're girls and I give them the lanky-flat-chested look. I could never forgive myself. I guess I'm one of evolutions mistakes and therefore I shouldn't breed lol.

Yeah i'm intelligent and stuff. I'm doing well at uni. But all this shallow stuff is just disheartening me so much. I think "well i'll just work on making my soul more beautiful" and so people will look beyond my appearance. But at the end of the day, female objectification is everywhere. How the hell does someone like me survive in all of this? Because I'm unattractive and a woman, i am worthless. There's no place in society for me.

I want to die. There seems to be no hope or future for me. I should be at the university library now working on my dissertation but i've been crying so much i have a massive headache now and cba. This is forever going to ruin any progress I make.

As an ugly woman- how the hell do you cope?? I really wanna just not care but it's so difficult and I can't help but compare myself to everybody.
If he actually said that - do yourself a big favour and dump him right this second. I need to go to bed now, but I'm going to come back to this post at some point tomorrow. (Unless you've got lots of good advice before then.)
 

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You should dump your boyfriend; he sounds like a giant douche and you're too good for someone so shallow.

I understand dating someone based on looks, at least initially. I'm not sure how you two came to be a couple, but in the end, he agreed to be with you. He entered into this relationship ostensibly because he was attracted to you, in one form or another. You have nothing to feel bad about. Tumblr fame means nothing. Do you think people are going to remember his beautiful ex because she got loads of notes on tumblr? I think it's more likely people will remember you for an esteemed dissertation or paper you may write, or wherever you decide to channel your intelligence.

There are a lot of simple-minded guys that would be completely satisfied with aesthetic perfection, and those guys don't mind vapidity, because they're vapid, too.

I really hope you find someone who can appreciate your intellect, as well as what I'm sure are perfectly beautiful features in their own right. Some people like lanky and skinny. It's lithe and pretty. You don't have to have giant knockers or fabulous hair. You sound interesting-looking and elegant to me. Just be well-groomed and comfortably but neatly dressed, and I'm sure you look lovely.

Self-harm scars aren't ugly. They just are what they are.

Your boyfriend is terrible and he doesn't deserve you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
There is a lot of great advice here and I was caught up a lot in my emotions earlier. I know i'm not the most hideous woman on the planet, but I definitely feel that way, especially when I get in such a state, I just pick apart all my flaws. Most of the time my face and hair doesn't bother me- in fact i sometimes like it- but my body, my gosh, i hate it with a passion sometimes hence my self-harm scars down my legs and on my breasts. I rarely look at it and like it :/

my boyfriend isn't terrible- yeah he says careless things- but he doesn't mean to hurt me with it. We haven't been getting on though and will probably split up. Same reason I split with my previous boyfriends. They couldn't handle my insecurities, and I don't blame them. Plus, i know this makes me sound horrible, but one of the main reasons I think i've stayed in relationships in the past was because I was so scared of being alone.

I agree that beauty is on the inside, that intelligence is sexy, that guys have different types, that by judging myself and other women I'm being just as bad as society. It's so hard to break out of this cycle of self-criticism though, especially when something like this comes up. I'll be perfectly fine and distracted and then the thought will pop into my head and i'll over-analyse and feel anxious and even angry about it- to myself and my boyfriend. I want to focus on the good things- focus on being unique. Everyone's different and should embrace that- both physically and mentally. I want more hobbies and stuff but my social anxiety stops me from ever really going out there and doing anything sociable. Or if i do i feel stupid and regret it lol.

I'll go back to doing yoga and working towards them goals for now as well as uni work obviously. Yoga definitely seems to have a calming effect on me lol and might help me build some muscle so i'm not so stick-like :p (yeah it's impossible for me to put on weight) :/ As for my tiny boobs- i guess i just have to live with them but i don't think i'll ever like them particularly and getting undressed each night is a nightmare :(
 
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