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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
First of all, I really want to thank you all! You have really helped me alot and gave me new insights on things.

In one of my previous posts I told that I got nauseaous quite often when I was with my girlfriend. And even after I broke up when I was just hanging out with other girls.
You guys made me realize that I changed myself too much for those girls. I changed myself so that I could live up to their expectations. After a while this got quite challening and exhausting, and maybe that's why I immediately got sick when I knew I was going to meet my girlfriend, or a potential girlfriend. because my body subconsciously knew that it couldn't be itself and had to play somebody else again.

My questions will sound rather strange. But how to be myself? I'm so used to change myself to make a good impression with girls that I don't really know how to behave as myself. How do I know what my personality is like? What do I genuine like and genuine hate? Or just 'Who am I'?

Do anyone of you feel/felt the same way?

Any help will be greatly appreciated :)
 

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Your true personality usually shows when you’re around whoever you’re most comfortable with, whether it’s a family member, a best friend, or maybe even yourself when you’re alone. The people I’m closest to are my mom and my best friend, and I’m able to be my true funny self around both of them.

As for the part about how to be yourself, I’m not really sure, because that’s a problem I have too. Even though I know who I am, whenever I’m in conversations with people I don’t know, I’m rarely able to show my real personality. I usually come off as boring and afraid to talk. Which really sucks.
 

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The key is to not care what others think, but how to not care is a mystery to me. I think it's a matter of learning from social failure and being able to realize that people don't really care what we do, or notice what we do. Still, it's difficult.

I can only be myself around my brother and sister.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you both for that.
When I have that sick feeling when I'm with friends or my girlfriend, and I go home, that feeling just fades away. But I never realized that I wasn't being myself. I just like to make people happy and that's why I tend to change myself around them.

Not caring is pretty difficult. If anyone knows what the key to this is, please tell us. There are many people that I don't care about, but when I'm with them, then I feel mean for not caring, so I start to care.
 

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any book or movie really inspired you? any musicians you truly love? you love to play any sports or other activities? assemble all these pieces and put them into one there you go

you know what they say, you are what you love
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
any book or movie really inspired you? any musicians you truly love? you love to play any sports or other activities? assemble all these pieces and put them into one there you go

you know what they say, you are what you love
That is very helpfull :) but often I find myself doing things that I normally wouldn't do just because I'm in company of others. It all depends on the people who I'm with. I think this is just me in different social settings, but I don't know.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Don't care about what other people think and don't be so critical of yourself.
Im trying, thanks :)

hahaha, you can't "try" to be yourself dude.

It's just who you are when you're being relaxed.
Yes you are absolutely right about that. But I just want to correct myself in situations where I'm nervous.
 

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Yes you are absolutely right about that. But I just want to correct myself in situations where I'm nervous.
So your real question is "how do I relax around people?"

My concept is to work on 2 main areas:

1) basic needs/exposure

2) healing deeper issues, and changing negative thinking/feeling patterns

(you need to handle BOTH at the same time, don't do what I did and isolate yourself thinking you can "heal" all your issues by doing certain techniques, BEFORE facing and creating the life you want - huge waste of time)

Watch my video series here:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f34/my-video-tips-series-towards-social-confidence-230974/

I've got some good tips that would really apply to you (and most people on this forum)

Let me know by leaving a comment, if it helps you, or you have any questions...

Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks I will definitely check those out :)
 

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There is no point in changing who you are and being someone you're not because eventually, one thing will make them dislike you in the end. That's for everybody. Might as well show your true colors and if they don't like you, then hey, don't worry about it. Atleast you will know who your true friends will be and who won't. I've been nothing but myself for the past 4 years and sure it has gotten me bullied, bad reputation, excluded, negative opinions, but what people need to understand is that I am not a perfect human being. That's what a lot of people do not seem to understand. I refuse to prove anything to anyone because there is nothing to prove. Plus I wouldn't even bother and it would be an even more waste of my time.
 

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same happend to me, i was in a relationship that changed my personality, i was happy at 1st then i strted to change because of him and the ppl around us to the point where i said 'i want to be like i was before, ths isnt me, i was happy'
i was even about to do things i didnt liked just to prove them i was same as the ppl they like to be around, but then i backed off and said 'im not gonna change just to please them, i wnt to be happy'
so now im working on being my self, remembering how i was as a little girl and who i want to be in the future
 

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I feel that I am not myself around most people (excepting my family and very close friends).
Honestly, I don't think there is one simple answer, other than to recover from SA.
What we are feeling, I believe, is a symptom of SA, and that it will hang around as long as we have SA. To treat the condition, we need to fight the underlying causes, not the symptoms, though.
A lot of people suggest CBT, Cognitive Behavior Therapy.
 

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being urself is just saying/ not saying whats on ur mind at ur own discretion... and doing the same with ur actions
 

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Aaand its me again, Tarento :lol
I guess its gonna be a journey of self-discovery for us..
 

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Heh, it's the other way round for me. I'm myself too much, to the point where i annoy the crap out if everyone and everything. Ah well atleast i'm having fun.

It's all about not letting anyone have any power over you. Socially, economically, emotionally or in any other way.
 
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