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I'm just always so empty-headed...even my roommate, who talks to me often...he's always coming up with cool, interesting ideas and I can barely do more than nod and grunt in response. I mean WTF? I was a smart kid, I went to a great college, why do I feel so mentally disabled? I can't even crack jokes or say witty things...it's MADDENING. It's ****ING MADDENING. I have no shame, I'm not that afraid to stand up and be someone...but I just can't. I have nothing to say that is entertaining, funny, or interesting. EVER. ****!!!!!!!!!!

/rant
 

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Father, Son & Holyzilla
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I can't make friends to save my life. I don't get it :no

What sucks is that unlike my dating adventures I'm making no progress in the friend department. Nothing ever goes anywhere with people.
 

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Spirit of Vengeance
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Making friends as an adult is one of the hardest things to do, IMO, especially for people with SA.

Growing up I never had a lot of friends but I always had at least a few. After my early 20's I never made any more friends and the ones I had are not my friends anymore.

It's very difficult as adults are well set into their own social circles and a lot of the time they aren't even really looking or wanting new friends. Plus if you are single it will be harder to find other singles to be friends with the older you get it seems.
 

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^

I'm just always so empty-headed...even my roommate, who talks to me often...he's always coming up with cool, interesting ideas and I can barely do more than nod and grunt in response. I mean WTF? I was a smart kid, I went to a great college, why do I feel so mentally disabled? I can't even crack jokes or say witty things...it's MADDENING. It's ****ING MADDENING. I have no shame, I'm not that afraid to stand up and be someone...but I just can't. I have nothing to say that is entertaining, funny, or interesting. EVER. ****!!!!!!!!!!

/rant
For some of that, you actually have to pick up on what other people do. It starts with common interests.

It's frustrating, but that's also a limitation of SA that we need to overcome.
 

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Making friends as an adult is one of the hardest things to do, IMO, especially for people with SA.
Focusing on studies, getting traction at work, learning to cook a gourmet dish, finding someone interesting to date, getting up early to go for a run. Just a few things that people find harder to do.

And heck, that's just the everyday, run-of-the-mill stuff. How about tasks which are really hard? Building a car, starting a business, organizing charity and volunteer events. Do people not understand what "difficult" means?

I've heard many other people throw that advice around. "Making friends as an adult is one of the hardest things to do." Go out and talk to someone in the queue at a coffee shop. Join a meetup group. Smile more.

Maybe it is hard. Maybe it's much harder for you than it is me, but thinking and believing something is hard makes it that much more difficult to do than thinking that something is achievable, and worth doing.

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You have the power to do what you'd like. If you try hard enough, you likely get what you want in the end. In order to get what we want we need to work hard to get it. Life doesn't come easy for anybody, not even people without SA.


People wouldn't be where they are today if they didn't work hard for what they wanted to achieve.
 

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Spirit of Vengeance
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Focusing on studies, getting traction at work, learning to cook a gourmet dish, finding someone interesting to date, getting up early to go for a run. Just a few things that people find harder to do.

And heck, that's just the everyday, run-of-the-mill stuff. How about tasks which are really hard? Building a car, starting a business, organizing charity and volunteer events. Do people not understand what "difficult" means?

I've heard many other people throw that advice around. "Making friends as an adult is one of the hardest things to do." Hey. Go out and talk to someone in the queue at a coffee shop. Join a meetup group. Smile more.

Maybe it is hard. Maybe it's much harder for you than it is me, but thinking and believing something is hard makes it that much more difficult to do than thinking that something is achievable, and worth doing.
You are taking my comment way too literally. All I was saying was that it was easier for most people to make friends when younger. Also you are 19 years old. Come back and tell me how easy it is when you're over 30.

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Audacious romantic
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It is not all about being smart. Rather, it is being genuine, kind, supportive, sincere and reliable as friend. I think that is more appreciated. I value it highly in my friends.
 

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Yeah I know the feeling. It seems like some people can make friends wherever they go. I've found it helps to have common interests to get conversations started, so see if there are any local groups with a common interest. You can search on meetup.com or maybe even facebook.
 

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You are taking my comment way too literally. All I was saying was that it was easier for most people to make friends when younger. Also you are 19 years old. Come back and tell me how easy it is when you're over 30.
True when your over 30 it becomes almost impossible to get a girlfriend, let alone make friends.

If your stuck alone at that time your ****ed in the water
 

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Irreversibly Invisible
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Sounds to me like you're asking how to be interesting more than how to make friends. If you ever figure out the answer to that question, be sure to let me know because I have the same problem.

I think if I was more interesting then I would feel more worthy of friends and my self-esteem would be higher. Also, people would be more attracted to me. Then maybe it would be easier for me to make friends.
 

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Same here.

Everyone always says common interests... for which most people don't share the same common interests as me, but even if they do they still like and are entertained by other people.

You can talk all you want about a common interest and it will still be boring from the get-go if you're a boring person, which I am.

Most people when they talk, they are entertaining (at least the people I know are) no matter what they are talking about and I either sit there silently or say "oh" "wow" because I haven't nothing to contribute or I just ask a question or say a statement... I don't know how to be funny. I don't know how to be witty. I don't know what to say to make people interested in me.

What interests people? I see people making acquantances left and right that yeah, they might not be a close friend but if they grab a bite to eat at the dining hall they can still sit there and it won't be silent and awkward like it would be with me.

Sometimes I am even not sure whether or not to speak or to just say things to fill the air. When I'm silent I regret it, but when I speak I regret even more.
I stumble over my words, repeat myself, and say things that make absolutely no sense. I look like an idiot.

Even at my job, we hired a new girl and she said something (I forget, it was something like I'll be starting work next Tuesday) and I had no idea what to say, I kind of stared blankly and then some words just stuttered out of my mouth and then she looked confused and I was so embarrassed.

I feel like I will never be able to make real friends.

I can sit down and have a serious conversation with someone to an extent, but people don't want to be serious 24/7 and neither do I. It's boring. I want to make people laugh and smile, but I never garner that response from people.

Sorry that I kind of ranted in your thread.
 

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What kind of friends do you want? Do you want activity buddies? Friends you can confide in? What are your hobbies, interests? How well do you do with putting in the effort to know someone, as a friend only?

I understand the frustration and difficulty in trying to make new friends as an adult amongst those who already have their social needs met. In my experiences a lot of my friends are closed off because they have their little "social bubbles". Sometimes I wonder if they only just fear how "the new person" will reflect on them in their little group.

OP, your best bet is continue to socialize with your roommate. He can be your in to meeting new people. He must not find you boring if he talks to you often. Possibly if you want to befriend him, why not make plans to hang out? Say, hey, let's go do "xyz activity"... and tell him if he wants to bring a friend that is cool.

In big cities there are plenty of people who transplant there for work who have no social connections whatsoever, and are looking for friends. Your success is what you make of the opportunities you have. I think a good idea is to find a meetup group for either something new you wish to try, or maybe even specifically for people who are looking to make friends.
 
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