Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Live. Laugh. Learn
Joined
·
4,101 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I had to today, even though I wasn't technically harassed but the comments made by a co-worker made me moody and pissy all day today at work.

I sit alone during break time, and a group of co-workers in my department usually sits two tables away. One of the them was talking about his Chinese neighbor and referred to them as "G00ks." As well as cracking a few dog-eating comments here and there.

It wasn't directed towards me but it still got under my skin, I'm Asian. I think that was his intention anyhow, to piss me off. Since day one, I always felt hostility from that guy. Not once does he ever talk to me but he's friendly and nice to the rest of the people in our department except for this one 20-something girl.

I'm only doing this crappy job because I need the money, otherwise I would've quit after a week. These incidents have happened to me before in previous jobs, that's why I always bounce from one dead-end job to the next because of the f--ktards that are usually employed at these type of positions/workplaces.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
86 Posts
Man, f__k people like that. I would have reported them too. But I've honestly never reported anyone. But if it got to the point where I couldn't do my job, I would.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
798 Posts
Good that you reported such a loser! These incidents should always and always be taken seriously, so you definetely did the right thing.

Do not let this low life of a person get under your skin though - as tough as that might seem.

I also have encountered that the laziest, slizziest, meanest people somehow always end up being hired, promoted, awarded whereas the decent, quietly hardworking ones get little or no recognition. This is the harsh reality of this horrible capitalistic world we live in. As I always say to myself; I am only here to do my job and nothing more. It means nothing to me than the income I have to earn.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,668 Posts
Good that you reported such a loser! These incidents should always and always be taken seriously, so you definetely did the right thing.

Do not let this low life of a person get under your skin though - as tough as that might seem.

I also have encountered that the laziest, slizziest, meanest people somehow always end up being hired, promoted, awarded whereas the decent, quietly hardworking ones get little or no recognition. This is the harsh reality of this horrible capitalistic world we live in. As I always say to myself; I am only here to do my job and nothing more. It means nothing to me than the income I have to earn.
I'm with you, and I see the workforce as a means to an end.

I can also relate to the OP. I bounce from **** job to **** job for similar reasons. The guy clearly knew that you were Asian when he made the remarks. I don't think he was being racist as much as he was just ostracising the guy that didn't fit in. Using race was his easiest option. I'm white, but he probably would have used whatever was easiest to pick on me... probably balding.

Anyway, I've never really done it. In all honesty, I think that HR are a load of ****. They're basically just lawyers there to protect the company and popular people. If he's popular, he'll probably just get a "talking to", when really they'd prefer if you just quit. It's ****ed-up.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
974 Posts
I get sexually harassed by two men at my job. The man that happens to be my bosses husband is the goofiest man I ever met. He has done things like pinch my sides, or my neck and he laughs and teased me more when I got mad about it. In the past, he has asked me to go fishing with him and offered me moneys to go to the casino. These days he barely enters the area where I work, and doesn't try to do that stuff anymore, because I warned him to stay away from me. Now a days, his nickname for me is duffus. He and I don't cross paths much, but when my boss isn't there is when he walks through my area of building, and opens his stupid mouth. Sometimes he just is smirking, or giggling around like a little girl. His pathetic behavior has been going on for years, and I just do my best to avoid him, and watch my back.

Its the other guy that has been upsetting me the most. He's married to a distant cousin of mine for the past 6 years, and been my right hand at work, and I've always admired him for many reasons. Mostly his gentle, big bear like nature. (He's a big guy) I actually really liked him a lot.... just not that way because its a "work" relationship, and he's married of course. Its only like this past year that he has been acting funny. It started with him casually rubbing my shoulders when I was sitting at my desk. Lately his little comments, and his looks are making feel very uncomfortable. I think he's going through some kind of mid-life crisis or something. Maybe married life is boring him? I don't know what to about him really. I certainly don't want to loose him as my assistant. I secretly really do love him, because I've spent more time in life with him than any man in my life, including my father. If he wasn't married Id be all over him. I don't know what to think of him anymore.

My paycheck is important to me. I actually make very good money and great benefits. I need this job. This is such a small "click" town. These guys have a lot of respect and status in the community, and they have a huge family clan.... I don't. I'm just a loner, and many people say I sleep around, which I never. I know for a fact that I would loose everything and make many enemies if I cried harassment. I have gone home crying many times because of this. They really make me feel like ****.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,589 Posts
It's a difficult one but even if you're not going to do anything about it its worth maybe consulting someone else in the company that you can trust and see what their take on it is. Usually these kinds of arseholes are doing this because they know theres a good chance that they can get away with it.
 

·
Live. Laugh. Learn
Joined
·
4,101 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Good that you reported such a loser! These incidents should always and always be taken seriously, so you definetely did the right thing.

Do not let this low life of a person get under your skin though - as tough as that might seem.

I also have encountered that the laziest, slizziest, meanest people somehow always end up being hired, promoted, awarded whereas the decent, quietly hardworking ones get little or no recognition. This is the harsh reality of this horrible capitalistic world we live in. As I always say to myself; I am only here to do my job and nothing more. It means nothing to me than the income I have to earn.
Sadly, I think you're 100% correct in your last statement. I've busted my butt off in about a dozen jobs I had over the past decade, not once had I ever gotten any promotion opportunities. We're not talking about a big corporate business or position, just your random retail or hospitality workplaces.

But for the fact that I kep to myself and don't socialize or kiss ***, I get overlooked even though I always do my job and never call out or be demanding.

This is the worst part of having SA or related SA disorders.
I'm with you, and I see the workforce as a means to an end.

I can also relate to the OP. I bounce from **** job to **** job for similar reasons. The guy clearly knew that you were Asian when he made the remarks. I don't think he was being racist as much as he was just ostracising the guy that didn't fit in. Using race was his easiest option. I'm white, but he probably would have used whatever was easiest to pick on me... probably balding.

Anyway, I've never really done it. In all honesty, I think that HR are a load of ****. They're basically just lawyers there to protect the company and popular people. If he's popular, he'll probably just get a "talking to", when really they'd prefer if you just quit. It's ****ed-up.
Yeah, I feel the same way with HR managers because I've had talks with supervisors in previous jobs before. They always say they'll talk to that person but in the end it me who ends up quitting because I just can't take it anyway.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,634 Posts
Maybe it's time to get out of retail and hospitality.....or do a managemnet course, become a manager and make it your mission to either create hell for low lifes or simply fire them
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
798 Posts
I get sexually harassed by two men at my job. The man that happens to be my bosses husband is the goofiest man I ever met. He has done things like pinch my sides, or my neck and he laughs and teased me more when I got mad about it. In the past, he has asked me to go fishing with him and offered me moneys to go to the casino. These days he barely enters the area where I work, and doesn't try to do that stuff anymore, because I warned him to stay away from me. Now a days, his nickname for me is duffus. He and I don't cross paths much, but when my boss isn't there is when he walks through my area of building, and opens his stupid mouth. Sometimes he just is smirking, or giggling around like a little girl. His pathetic behavior has been going on for years, and I just do my best to avoid him, and watch my back.

Its the other guy that has been upsetting me the most. He's married to a distant cousin of mine for the past 6 years, and been my right hand at work, and I've always admired him for many reasons. Mostly his gentle, big bear like nature. (He's a big guy) I actually really liked him a lot.... just not that way because its a "work" relationship, and he's married of course. Its only like this past year that he has been acting funny. It started with him casually rubbing my shoulders when I was sitting at my desk. Lately his little comments, and his looks are making feel very uncomfortable. I think he's going through some kind of mid-life crisis or something. Maybe married life is boring him? I don't know what to about him really. I certainly don't want to loose him as my assistant. I secretly really do love him, because I've spent more time in life with him than any man in my life, including my father. If he wasn't married Id be all over him. I don't know what to think of him anymore.

My paycheck is important to me. I actually make very good money and great benefits. I need this job. This is such a small "click" town. These guys have a lot of respect and status in the community, and they have a huge family clan.... I don't. I'm just a loner, and many people say I sleep around, which I never. I know for a fact that I would loose everything and make many enemies if I cried harassment. I have gone home crying many times because of this. They really make me feel like ****.
Wow, your situation is really complicated. It's a good thing that first guy you mentioned is keeping away and you can avoid him as much as you can.

Of course reporting these instances is a must, but I understand your whole situation too. Small town, good job, good contacts...so it is in your hands to stop it.

In the case of the other guy - No matter how you feel about him (believe me I've had my share of crushes on married close colleagues), what he is doing is really wrong. Try to stay away from him as much as you can, and if he starts crossing the line, let him know that what he is doing is making your feel uncomfortable. This should be easier since you two are close; he'll hopefully understand you and see his mistake.
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top