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Permanently bored
2,813 Posts
I've only been on one medication for SA (Zoloft) and it made me worse, I was about 14 or 15 at the time, can't remember which (shows you how bad my memory recall is these days). I only took it for a couple of months and I'm pretty sure it did some permanent damage. My memory is ruined (I forget peoples names unless I know them really well, I often forget what I'm going to say despite rehearsing it in my mind, and that has nothing to do with SA, I didn't have that issue before) and my concentration/attention span are screwed up (I can't sit down and watch a movie in one sitting, I have to get up and pace around every few minutes or play a game/do some drawing while I'm watching it).

When it first kicked in, I improved somewhat. I felt more outgoing and had a bit more energy, but after a while I realised I wasn't feeling any less anxious. I also felt disconnected from the real world, and it felt like I was looking at a screen and that I wasn't in control of myself, like somebody took my brain out, stuck it inside an automated robot and hooked it up so I could see and feel everything the robot was doing but not control it.

It kept me awake at night too. I'd have so much energy that I'd do stupid things like going food shopping at 3AM (24-hour stores ;)), even though I didn't really want to. While it did fix my school attendance a bit, I was going for the same reasons I went shopping at 3AM, because I had to let off the energy.

I had some pretty scary experiences too. One of them happened when I went to a concert with a friend. For the entire duration of the concert I couldn't even concentrate on the music because I was having auditory and peripheral vision hallucinations of people pointing and laughing at me. I had nightmares about that for a week on the nights I managed to sleep. I also had worries that the medication itself was fine and the reason I was feeling like this was because my pills had been poisoned..

After this I quit them on the spot without consulting my psychiatrist and suffered the consequences. I couldn't make any sudden moves without having what felt like little seizures, little lapses in concentration/consciousness/memory accompanied by short periods of disorientation and numbness. I also had problems with cognition which still haven't disappeared fully (imagine going through a long train of thought and suddenly getting stuck on a particular thought and repeating it over and over again until something external distracts you from it).

That's my experience with Zoloft, and it's put me off taking any other SSRI. Oh and I forgot to mention that I absolutely couldn't "get it up" at all no matter how hard (excuse the pun) I tried until I'd been off it for a couple of months. That does wonders for your mood...
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