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Basically this is my experience with SA and how I've come closer to 'defeating' it. I hate paragraphs and I'm sure you do to so I've made a little list for you to ponder.

- GETTING A SOCIAL JOB: I can't tell you how much this has helped me improve my confidence. I talk to at least 10 strangers a day in a conversation, more than 50 on weekends. . I work in a shoe store where you and your customer need to build a relationship. Whats really helped me was keeping track of the progress I made... keeping count of the people I talk to and congratulating myself.

- MUSIC: Music has been incredibly helpful to me. In the last year music has been one of my prime hobbies (I DJ) and there's nothing better to relax and motivate you. Don't believe me? Crank up the best motivational and inspirational music you can find... for me it's a spanish song ("Me Vale" by Mana which means 'I don't give a crap') and it has helped a ton with self-consciousness. For the most part, NLP is BS IMO but the anchor technique (look it up on google) to motivating music has helped me tons. Find the theme song to the life you want to live.

- OVERCOMING SA STEP BY STEP By Thomas A Richards: I'd be lying to you if I said I strictly followed the program, but I got a lot out of it. The Automatic Negative Thought stoppage techniques are very helpful and the section on negative beliefs ultimately helped me realize that anything can become a belief with repetition.

- BE A MAN: You are already a man, now just believe you are. Have a passion. Have morals. Be your own PERSON. A lot of us SA'ers fall into the "nice guy" category far too much. What? You're a nice guy because you're afraid what other people think? You can't be yourself because your nervous? F THAT! WHO CARES IF YOU FEEL NERVOUS! Ultimately you are a MAN because you DO WHAT YOU YOU WANT TO DO REGARDLESS of HOW you FEEL!
Everytime I am frustrated I ask my self this: "I am a man, what should a man do?" A true man never stays down. All men are men, you just have to believe you are.

- BOOKS in general: Anything. Really anything that contributes to a more positive person helps with SA in the long run. I've read books on investing, books on self-help, books on life. READ. To paraphrase Will Smith,
The key to life is running and reading. Why running? When you're running and you're out there and you're running there's a little person that talks to you and that little person says 'Oh I'm tired my lungs are about to pop. Oh im so hurt there's no way I could possibly continue.' And you want to quit? That person, if you learn how to defeat that person when you're running you will learn how not quit when things get hard in your life.

Reading. The reason that reading is so important there has been millions and billions and billions and gazillions of people that have lived before all of us. There is no new problem you could have. There is no problem that someone has not already solved and wrote about it in a book.
DO NOT BE AFRAID TO FEEL THOSE FEELINGS AND RELAX:
Train yourself to accept those feelings. Train yourself to relax in stressful situations. Relax your mind and your body. LET GO. If you're not relaxed, kill the little voice in your head that's telling you you're not relaxing. Aim to be the most relaxed person in the room! Sure, there's a ton of books that want to train you to reach this level, but really everyone's different, try different approaches!

SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER IS BULLSH*T:
It's not a real disorder. BELIEVE in that. It's BS made by pharmaceutical companies to have you take drugs. Consider this; paranoid schizophrenia, I believe thats a real disorder... no one healthy is ever going to have delusions like the ones they have. Social anxiety? It happens to everyone. It happens to most of us on stage. It's nothing new. STOP REINFORCING THE BELIEF THAT IT IS!!!

A Belief= thought+feeling+mental image. Use that formula.

TIP ON CONFIDENCE: When you're feeling confident, KEEP GOING. BURN IT TILL IT BURNS OUT! F*** worrying! DO rather than THINK.
 

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breaking free
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Good job on getting closer to overcoming your SA! I like all your tips and I am glad they are all working for you :)
 

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I enjoyed reading your post! I find that it helps for me to have a social job too, even though it still seems overwhelming, it does help. I am trying to force myself to be more positive and improve.
 

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Great post man, I like your attitude. Not to offend any other members on here, but I wish there were more posters on here like yourself who had something positive to say. I understand SA is a horrible thing to live with, but I often find it hard to come onto this site because there are so many pessimistic people on here (saying things like: my life sucks, I'll never get over this, I'll never have friends, everyone hates me, blah blah blah). I think we all have it within us to see the glass half full, and once you choose to see it thay way, it has a snowball effect on other aspects of your life.

You make some great points. I got into a fairly social career myself, and there is nothing that has helped me more than this. When your forced to put yourself into social situations every single day, when paying your bills depends on it, it helps your confidence tremendously.

I've wanted to read up more on these dating gurus for a long time. I think all of us with SA would benefit because we never really got the practice growing up of learning the skills necessary to meet lot of people from the opposite sex.

Dr. Richards series is great. I purchased it 10 years ago. I've been bad about sitcking with it, but I defintely got a MUCH more realistic and rational perspective on SA from his material.

Bottom line, there IS a lot of help out there in the form of books, tapes, groups, etc. I don't think there is one magic bullet, you just have to try as many things as you can and continually challenge your SA. I think the more we do, the less sensitive we are.

I will add that I don't think SA is a 'made up' disorder. The disorder came first, the drug companies just decided to try to make some money off of it. I think they actually helped our cause though, because there is a TON of more information and resources out there today than there were ten years ago.
 

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I understand SA is a horrible thing to live with, but I often find it hard to come onto this site because there are so many pessimistic people on here (saying things like: my life sucks, I'll never get over this, I'll never have friends, everyone hates me, blah blah blah).
:ditto Indeed, even though I can understand how being isolated and anxious can make some SAers pessimistic, I find it frustrating nevertheless because there are means of overcoming it. :no Sometimes I'm afraid that if I stick here listening to them I'll find myself in their position: :flush.
 

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SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER IS BULLSH*T:
It's not a real disorder. BELIEVE in that. It's BS made by pharmaceutical companies to have you take drugs. Consider this; paranoid schizophrenia, I believe thats a real disorder... no one healthy is ever going to have delusions like the ones they have. Social anxiety? It happens to everyone. It happens to most of us on stage. It's nothing new. STOP REINFORCING THE BELIEF THAT IT IS!!!
I find it insulting that you would dare come here and say that to all of us.

I am sick of people who come here and post about how they 'overcome' their SA- mostly because I think if someone had SEVERE SA like I do, then they would realize it is something you learn to COPE with. You don't just get over it.

I am also REALLY sick of people who come here and try to tell me that what I FEEL is made up BS and I am being some pharmaceutical companies sheep.

Seriously. WTF? :sus

What I suffer from DOES NOT happen to everyone. I don't just get nervous when I have to talk in front of a group... that is normal nerves.

I can sometimes not leave my house. I sometimes can't even form words. I sometimes feel like I can't breathe.

NOT normal and not made up.

Clearly you don't understand real SA.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I liked your post except for the last paragraph about the disorder being bs. Also, you should add women to the "be a man" paragraph.
Ofcourse, that is your reality. It's amazing how strong a belief can be. Me? I'm happy believing otherwise.

I find it insulting that you would dare come here and say that to all of us.

I am sick of people who come here and post about how they 'overcome' their SA- mostly because I think if someone had SEVERE SA like I do, then they would realize it is something you learn to COPE with. You don't just get over it.

I am also REALLY sick of people who come here and try to tell me that what I FEEL is made up BS and I am being some pharmaceutical companies sheep.

Seriously. WTF?

What I suffer from DOES NOT happen to everyone. I don't just get nervous when I have to talk in front of a group... that is normal nerves.

I can sometimes not leave my house. I sometimes can't even form words. I sometimes feel like I can't breathe.

NOT normal and not made up.

Clearly you don't understand real SA.
Hahahahaha, looks like you went back in time, revisited the old me and took those words straight out of my mouth. I go to school and work every single day. I am anxious 85% of the time. It's not getting over the feelings. It's gaining control of your life. The entire school day I force myself to talk to everyone near me. I have the worst eye contact phobia ever... 100% of the time, my mind's thinking about eye contact. My SA was at one point so severe that I literally thought my SA was contagious.Yet I smile and converse no matter how f-cking crappy I feel. My heart beats rapidly, my palms start sweating, but I don't give a ****, I'll still have a big grin on my face. On my way to work, on my way to school, during that 5 minute conversation with a customer. Either way, it touches me when someone smiles back and you can see it in their face that they appreciate you. Stop being so fricking selfish. Spread some love because you want others to feel good, and making them feel good, that's what truly makes YOU feel good.

The point is, to STOP believing it is a disorder. Regardless. How can you believe in those stupid automatic negative thoughts and refuse to believe this simple idea?
 

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If you really want you method to help
others it might help to not laugh at their replys. Maybe the way you think of SA is not managable to us yet, if someone had said what you have about S.A back when you were struggling would you be able to accept it so easily?

ON A LIGHTER NOTE...haha

Are you into sneakers?

I looovee sneakers, I applied for a job a sneaker store
www.sadtrombone.com
 

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Basically this is my experience with SA and how I've come closer to 'defeating' it. I hate paragraphs and I'm sure you do to so I've made a little list for you to ponder.

- GETTING A SOCIAL JOB: I can't tell you how much this has helped me improve my confidence. I talk to at least 10 strangers a day in a conversation, more than 50 on weekends. . I work in a shoe store where you and your customer need to build a relationship. Whats really helped me was keeping track of the progress I made... keeping count of the people I talk to and congratulating myself.

- PICK UP COMMUNITY: I know a lot of you are going to frown down on this but it's helped me more than I've ever thought possible. If you want NO_BS_NOFANCYOVERRATED mumbo jumbo look up Sean Messenger. He teaches you how to pick up women, no-frills.

- MUSIC: Music has been incredibly helpful to me. In the last year music has been one of my prime hobbies (I DJ) and there's nothing better to relax and motivate you. Don't believe me? Crank up the best motivational and inspirational music you can find... for me it's a spanish song ("Me Vale" by Mana which means 'I don't give a crap') and it has helped a ton with self-consciousness. For the most part, NLP is BS IMO but the anchor technique (look it up on google) to motivating music has helped me tons. Find the theme song to the life you want to live.

- OVERCOMING SA STEP BY STEP By Thomas A Richards: I'd be lying to you if I said I strictly followed the program, but I got a lot out of it. The Automatic Negative Thought stoppage techniques are very helpful and the section on negative beliefs ultimately helped me realize that anything can become a belief with repetition.

- BE A MAN: Speaking of the pick up community, from it I learned a lesson that will help us men overcome anything. BE A MAN. You are already a man, now just believe you are. Have a passion. Have morals. Be your own PERSON. A lot of us SA'ers fall into the "nice guy" category far too much. What? You're a nice guy because you're afraid what other people think? You can't be yourself because your nervous? F THAT! WHO CARES IF YOU FEEL NERVOUS! Ultimately you are a MAN because you DO WHAT YOU YOU WANT TO DO REGARDLESS of HOW you FEEL!
Everytime I am frustrated I ask my self this: "I am a man, what should a man do?" A true man never stays down. All men are men, you just have to believe you are.

- BOOKS in general: Anything. Really anything that contributes to a more positive person helps with SA in the long run. I've read books on investing, books on self-help, books on life. READ. To paraphrase Will Smith,

DO NOT BE AFRAID TO FEEL THOSE FEELINGS AND RELAX:
Train yourself to accept those feelings. Train yourself to relax in stressful situations. Relax your mind and your body. LET GO. If you're not relaxed, kill the little voice in your head that's telling you you're not relaxing. Aim to be the most relaxed person in the room! Sure, there's a ton of books that want to train you to reach this level, but really everyone's different, try different approaches!

SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER IS BULLSH*T:
It's not a real disorder. BELIEVE in that. It's BS made by pharmaceutical companies to have you take drugs. Consider this; paranoid schizophrenia, I believe thats a real disorder... no one healthy is ever going to have delusions like the ones they have. Social anxiety? It happens to everyone. It happens to most of us on stage. It's nothing new. STOP REINFORCING THE BELIEF THAT IT IS!!!

A Belief= thought+feeling+mental image. Use that formula.

TIP ON CONFIDENCE: When you're feeling confident, KEEP GOING. BURN IT TILL IT BURNS OUT! F*** worrying! DO rather than THINK.
''social anxiety is bs'' ? no more like that sentence is bs
 

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Ofcourse, that is your reality. It's amazing how strong a belief can be. Me? I'm happy believing otherwise.

Hahahahaha, looks like you went back in time, revisited the old me and took those words straight out of my mouth. I go to school and work every single day. I am anxious 85% of the time. It's not getting over the feelings. It's gaining control of your life. The entire school day I force myself to talk to everyone near me. I have the worst eye contact phobia ever... 100% of the time, my mind's thinking about eye contact. My SA was at one point so severe that I literally thought my SA was contagious.Yet I smile and converse no matter how f-cking crappy I feel. My heart beats rapidly, my palms start sweating, but I don't give a ****, I'll still have a big grin on my face. On my way to work, on my way to school, during that 5 minute conversation with a customer. Either way, it touches me when someone smiles back and you can see it in their face that they appreciate you. Stop being so fricking selfish. Spread some love because you want others to feel good, and making them feel good, that's what truly makes YOU feel good.

The point is, to STOP believing it is a disorder. Regardless. How can you believe in those stupid automatic negative thoughts and refuse to believe this simple idea?
it is a disorder though
 

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- GETTING A SOCIAL JOB: I can't tell you how much this has helped me improve my confidence. I talk to at least 10 strangers a day in a conversation, more than 50 on weekends. . I work in a shoe store where you and your customer need to build a relationship. Whats really helped me was keeping track of the progress I made... keeping count of the people I talk to and congratulating myself.
I agree. My last job consisted of me staring into a computer screen for 8 hours a day and rarely had to talk to another soul. Of course my SA never got any better.
 

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social anxiety disorder is bullsh*t:
It's not a real disorder. Believe in that. It's bs made by pharmaceutical companies to have you take drugs. Consider this; paranoid schizophrenia, i believe thats a real disorder... No one healthy is ever going to have delusions like the ones they have. Social anxiety? It happens to everyone. It happens to most of us on stage. It's nothing new. Stop reinforcing the belief that it is!!!
Truthiness.
 

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I agree with you. im sick of the whiners and complainers on here. occasionally I myself may get down and say something negative about myself from time to time but I refuse to stay down. complaning and crying about how much you life sucks *** and how you dont have any friends will nver change a single thing. maybe the vent will relase somethng but change it? nah,all the threads waisted on this forum could be used for coming up with diffrent ways of dealing with your Sa. most of us live near each other or in states close by. why not plan an outing or a get together? you cry about not having friends right? your life sucks well what can you do to make it not suck?...we have to get it together on this board seriously.ME included.
 

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It's amazing how strong a belief can be. Me? I'm happy believing otherwise
That's not a belief; it's a fact, but if you choose to believe otherwise then that's fine by me because I know the point you're trying to make. I will just say that the impression I'm getting is that you may be confused about why sa is a mental illness. Yes, everyone gets anxiety, but not everyone gets it so severe that it affects their normal everyday life. You also basically admitted that it was a disorder in your second post. You are correct that sa can be overcome with living your life again, but I hope you don't think that because we think it's a mental disorder, we are all using it as an excuse to not get better because I've seen plenty of people on here who are trying to get better.

all the threads waisted on this forum
Venting isn't a waste. This is also a big forum so there is plenty of room for vent posts as well as posts for dealing with sa. Just remember that no one is forcing you to click, read, or respond in any of those vent threads.
 

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Explode or Implode
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I agree with you. im sick of the whiners and complainers on here. occasionally I myself may get down and say something negative about myself from time to time but I refuse to stay down. complaning and crying about how much you life sucks *** and how you dont have any friends will nver change a single thing. maybe the vent will relase somethng but change it? nah,all the threads waisted on this forum could be used for coming up with diffrent ways of dealing with your Sa. most of us live near each other or in states close by. why not plan an outing or a get together? you cry about not having friends right? your life sucks well what can you do to make it not suck?...we have to get it together on this board seriously.ME included.
That's what I wonder too! If we're all so lonely yet we seem to get along on this forum, why don't we just set up an outing so all us lonely people can stop being so friggin' lonely!

I can't understand the physical manifestations of SA are hard to deal with when your trying to be social, it's hard when someone notices you're nervous or stuttering or having trouble thinking of what to say. I go through it too but you have to fight it, you have to train your mind to react differently and the perfect training ground is more likely to be with those who know what it's like and can support each other. Set up meet ups for SA, go do things with others who have SA.
I also understand everyone's right to vent but I really feel we all drag each other down when we focus on what's wrong in all our lives. So you don't have a girl/boyfriend, friends, job etc, mulling over it isn't going to change that! Again, ways to fix all of it is meeting up and getting to know people on this forum. You've already talked on the forum, that's the first step. We all have something in common so even if you're afraid of running out of things we can talk about SA. I mean seriously, This forum should be used more as a tool, not a toilet!
 

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1. Thanks for the positive post, it's inspiring to hear about someone else doing well

2. I agree there's a lot of negativity on this board, but that's a stage of SA/recovery that a lot of people get stuck in. Just filter past it and try to focus on the positive

3. The idea that SA is "bs" is overstating things, but at the same time- what if you learned that SA is just a made-up concept that doesn't exist? How, without that idea, would you explain or describe your current life, behavior, thoughts, problems?
 
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